This break has me thinking about summer—share your thoughts, please!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This school break has been eye opening and I’m worried about what my 12yo will do all summer. Here are the facts:

She’s attended the same full-day summer camp since she was 5, but has aged out.

Last summer I researched alternatives for older kids, but they are way out of the area of what I’m comfortable spending/budgeting a week on summer camp. It would mean summer camp or family vacations.

We DO take two two-week-long family vacations over the summer, so that’s pretty much a full month where we have scheduled activities outside of the home.

I found a few 2-3 day themed summer clinics for kids her age, but she’s not thrilled with the idea. While she has many close friends, none can attend with her, and she’s often shy and takes some time to warm up to new people.

So now I’m left with three options:

Letting her have a carefree summer at home where I (someone who doesn’t work over the summer) try and plan a couple things outside of the house a week myself with DD,

Or skipping vacations so she can have a structured summer with day-camps and adequate socializing,

Or forcing her to attend these 2-3 day camps that she’s not interested in

I’m just worried that if we have an unstructured summer there will be too much sleeping in, too many hours spent on Roblox, etc. Please give me your honest thoughts!

This doesn't seem like a big deal to me. Think about how most of us spent our summers as kids.

Ask her how she would plan her day if she had unstructured time. Are there new hobbies she wants to learn? Books she wants to read? Classes (not camps) she might want to take? And would her friends be available to hang out sometimes? That all sounds much better to me than skipping vacations or forcing her into camps she doesn't like.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This school break has been eye opening and I’m worried about what my 12yo will do all summer. Here are the facts:

She’s attended the same full-day summer camp since she was 5, but has aged out.

Last summer I researched alternatives for older kids, but they are way out of the area of what I’m comfortable spending/budgeting a week on summer camp. It would mean summer camp or family vacations.

We DO take two two-week-long family vacations over the summer, so that’s pretty much a full month where we have scheduled activities outside of the home.

I found a few 2-3 day themed summer clinics for kids her age, but she’s not thrilled with the idea. While she has many close friends, none can attend with her, and she’s often shy and takes some time to warm up to new people.

So now I’m left with three options:

Letting her have a carefree summer at home where I (someone who doesn’t work over the summer) try and plan a couple things outside of the house a week myself with DD,

Or skipping vacations so she can have a structured summer with day-camps and adequate socializing,

Or forcing her to attend these 2-3 day camps that she’s not interested in

I’m just worried that if we have an unstructured summer there will be too much sleeping in, too many hours spent on Roblox, etc. Please give me your honest thoughts!

This doesn't seem like a big deal to me. Think about how most of us spent our summers as kids.

Ask her how she would plan her day if she had unstructured time. Are there new hobbies she wants to learn? Books she wants to read? Classes (not camps) she might want to take? And would her friends be available to hang out sometimes? That all sounds much better to me than skipping vacations or forcing her into camps she doesn't like.

I think modern society has us feeling like every second needs to be structured.

At 12, I was spending the summer at a childcare-type “summer camp” where we would all mainly sit around in groups watching movies, playing our brought Gameboys or we would all gather around taking turns playing the camp’s own Nintendo system. Our parents paid a pretty penny for us to do this. Of course we went outside a couple times a day, and took a weekly field trip. I don’t see how this is any different than what OP has planned, only it’s at home instead of the child care center.

[Anonymous]

If you take two 2-week vacations, you have about 5 weeks left.

I'd make a list with her of things she could do during that free time. Examples: learning to cook, learning to clean, reading a certain number of novels, etc. It doesn't have to be insanely ambitious, but it's good to have some ideas for when the boredom strikes.

Can she bikes to a friend's house? Or can a friend bike to your house? That will help.

Also, do you have access to a pool? That's a great way to fill some time during the summer. Even if you both only use it as exercise or lap swimming, it could be worthwhile.

[Anonymous]

My then 12 year old did a one week sleep away last summer and although expensive was great for friendships and self-esteem. Maybe a grandparent would spring for a week or two?

[Anonymous]

this past summer my 13 year old did the following:

swim team- had to be at practice at 9am M-F in June and July.

Two weeks of sleepaway camp.

Would usually go to the pool around noon each day.

She had a reading list to get through

Soccer practice two nights a week.

She babysat on Thursday afternoons for a neighbor.

She was definitely bored at times but she became pretty independent too.

[Anonymous]

If you are in Fairfax, the St. James has sports camps for older kids and FCPS offers camps for 7th graders and up.

[Anonymous]

Carefree summer. Mine will go visit relatives, maybe do a couple of sports camps and mostly sleep in and be online a lot. She’s 12. We belong to a pool so she will meet up with friends a lot there even though they don’t do swim team.

[Anonymous]

Total carefree summer. Maybe an activity or two if they want. But, this is literally one of the last free kid summers they'll ever have.

[Anonymous]

She really doesn’t have any interests? My kids are similar aged and they use summer to take classes in things they are interested in; take clinics relating to the sports they play; and try new things.

[Anonymous]

You don't work in the summer and still sent her to full day, full summer camp until last year?

Normally I'd vote for unstructered (that's what we do) but you don't sound like the type.

[Anonymous]

Sleepaway camp. With your 2 2-week vacations factored in, I’d look for a 1-2 week sleepaway camp.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You don't work in the summer and still sent her to full day, full summer camp until last year?

Normally I'd vote for unstructered (that's what we do) but you don't sound like the type.

My mother always told me insecure people make themselves feel better by putting others down.

[Anonymous]

What are her friends doing? This is key.

Is your neighborhood friendly towards a more free range approach (friends pool etc in walking distance?) ours isn’t.

We still found camps available at that age and usually signed up for a few weeks WITH a friend (this is key). Even a “meh” camp can be fun with a friend or two. Look at tennis clubs, country clubs, colleges/universities etc.

I’d take into account a possible scheduling change at this age. My kids starting sleeping laaaate when given the chance. Signing up for evening activities (or traditional after school type hours) can work out great. Something she wants to try like a rec sports league, tennis lessons, etc? Babysitting certification classes? Try martial arts or gymnastics? Really think hard. Having those plans in place brings some structure to the day.

My kids did some of all of the above- a few weeks daycamp arranged ahead of time with friends, and more free range days but with some type of structure to the evening (sports leagues etc).

Volunteering could be an option for her but I never found anything for that particular age group myself.

She could also spend time with friends etc even if not in walking distance if you pair with another parent(s) for driving. Mine started doing some things with friends at that age, without parents (movies, mini golf etc).

I would really have her start asking friends what their plans are for summer (and if you are friendly with her friends’ parents can reach out yourself). A lot of people have vacation dates planned already and like you, are looking to fill in the other weeks

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We opt for unstructured and I’ve yet to be disappointed. Every day after lunch we take a moderately long bike ride. Once a week we plan an afternoon out doing something. Once a week we plan having a friend over. We treat weekends normally. We also vacation twice and find summer is over before we know it.

Not OP but do you work? How are you able to do this all summer?

You do know that not everyone works, and some people work flexible jobs or have part-time hours.

[Anonymous]

When mine aged out of camps, we had them do their SSL hours. They earned hundreds by the end of HS. The one year when my DD could not do them because of covid, she was so miserable. My house became the default summer camp and I don’t think we had a single night without a sleepover. My grocery and activity bills were probably as much as the cost of camp.