What type of care and where to find it

[Anonymous]

This is called companion care and some agencies provide it but require minimums. The minimum I was quoted recently was 18 hours per week (6 hours per shift) for interacting with the senior, light housekeeping, medication reminders, meal preparation type stuff. $30+per hour. I think bathing or other personal care would add to the cost.

As for meals, when one of my parents could still prep meals but was frustrated with thinking up ideas every night and doing the shopping, We used hello fresh so they had everything for 2 dinners per week. sometimes only sent it every other week if we were in town visiting or if they had other plans. It can get pricey but they enjoyed it and they weren’t wasting food. I handled the ordering and everything from afar through the app.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is called companion care and some agencies provide it but require minimums. The minimum I was quoted recently was 18 hours per week (6 hours per shift) for interacting with the senior, light housekeeping, medication reminders, meal preparation type stuff. $30+per hour. I think bathing or other personal care would add to the cost.

As for meals, when one of my parents could still prep meals but was frustrated with thinking up ideas every night and doing the shopping, We used hello fresh so they had everything for 2 dinners per week. sometimes only sent it every other week if we were in town visiting or if they had other plans. It can get pricey but they enjoyed it and they weren’t wasting food. I handled the ordering and everything from afar through the app.

Our experience was anything from a meal prep ingredient service to a meal delivery service was only a temporary solution. Slowly or not slowly mom forgets to put things in the fridge or she accidentally microwaves it with a spoon and paper plate. Maybe she forgets to eat at all, but insists she did and the helper doesn't want to check or argue. At a facility you have a cafeteria or dining room there. There is a kitchenette. You can put water in the fridge and snacks in the cupboard like nuts, seeds, cereal, oatmeal bars and bring her some fruit each week. No worries about meal service not making it in bad weather or mom forgetting to put it in the fridge.

[Anonymous]

I’m sorry but if your mom can’t bathe or cook for herself, is it really safe for her to be basically on her own?

[Anonymous]

As a SAHM with many elderly neighbors there is no way in HELL I would help them bathe. Absolutely, under no circumstances, ever.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As a SAHM with many elderly neighbors there is no way in HELL I would help them bathe. Absolutely, under no circumstances, ever.

Exactly. People recommending this are the same people that also want SAHMs to watch their kids on snow days and have one way "carpools."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As a SAHM with many elderly neighbors there is no way in HELL I would help them bathe. Absolutely, under no circumstances, ever.

Exactly. People recommending this are the same people that also want SAHMs to watch their kids on snow days and have one way "carpools."

Don’t forget the “college students!” They always want to work crappy jobs for one hour a day.

OP there is a helpful list of things called “Activities of Daily Living” that is used to assess how much care a person needs. It might be helpful for you and your siblings to go through the assessment to have everyone on the same page, and it will be helpful for agencies and care homes.

Two truths:
1) Your mom probably needs more care and help than you think. Your time estimates are wildly optimistic.
2) Budget is everything. If your mom has a lot of wealth, you can hire good people to work at her home. It’s an inefficient labor model, but it can work for the patient. If she doesn’t, you need to look at group facilities or a more exploitative home model, like a live-in person paid poor wages (which is legal in many states because elder care is a crisis and politicians look the other way).

[Anonymous]

Schwans for meal delivery and companion care to help out with daily activities

https://www.schwans.com/

But realistically, if they have financial resources, look into a senior living facility, either independent living or assisted living. They may be able to manage independent living if they were in a place with a dining room where they got meals. That one thing alone is a big hurdle. Telling your parents they could get that part of their day taken care of may be an incentive to get them to move.

Here's some information on the Activities of Daily Living that pp mentioned: https://betterhealthwhileaging.net/what-are-adls-and-iadls/

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As a SAHM with many elderly neighbors there is no way in HELL I would help them bathe. Absolutely, under no circumstances, ever.

Exactly. People recommending this are the same people that also want SAHMs to watch their kids on snow days and have one way "carpools."

Don’t forget the “college students!” They always want to work crappy jobs for one hour a day.

OP there is a helpful list of things called “Activities of Daily Living” that is used to assess how much care a person needs. It might be helpful for you and your siblings to go through the assessment to have everyone on the same page, and it will be helpful for agencies and care homes.

Two truths:
1) Your mom probably needs more care and help than you think. Your time estimates are wildly optimistic.
2) Budget is everything. If your mom has a lot of wealth, you can hire good people to work at her home. It’s an inefficient labor model, but it can work for the patient. If she doesn’t, you need to look at group facilities or a more exploitative home model, like a live-in person paid poor wages (which is legal in many states because elder care is a crisis and politicians look the other way).

This. I got the easiest jobs ever in college. I had to study. I didn't need stress.

I agree with the person that your time estimates are wildly optimistic. Imagine breezing in to someone's home with a meal you spend time preparing only to have to give a bath, make sure the person doesn't fall and gets properly dressed, praying the person doesn't accuse you of something. Then it's time for pills.

Start looking at facilities if she can afford it. You don't want to take advantage of someone. The people you will find willing to take this job may not be documented. There is no saint looking to make poor pay and do these things. There are plenty of easier jobs people can take. If you do find that unicorn, good luck keeping her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't know where to look for care. Any suggestions?

A meal service to drop off food 3 times a week. They can re-heat, but it is difficult for my mom to prepare dinners.

A once a week person to help with self care (bath, wash and style hair)

Someone to come in for 1-2 hours a day or every other day to pick up after them (not clean, she has cleaning lady). Laundry, empty dishwasher, etc.

Anyone else been in this situation that parents still want to remain in home, but can't do it all themselves and working adult children can help some but live too far away to do it everyday?

I'll be honest OP. This isn't realistic. She needs to live in assisted living. She can't do the ADL's if she needs help with bathing and cooking. I get it-my parents 'want' to remain in their home too. So far that has resulted in several falls and a broken hip.