really in need of advice

[Anonymous]

Ugh, it's so exhausting to hear these women say "but he's an EXCELLENT father." His behavior is the definition of excellent?! Sounds like you need to meet some real excellent fathers.

Those that put their petty arguments aside with the mother so the children don't feel slighted. Those that don't set up a situation that pits step-siblings against each other. Those that are mature enough to stop flirting with old girlfriends.

Be a good mother and protect the children from nonsense. He's not an excellent father.

[Anonymous]

You can afford the drama (and yes thrill, especially when things are good) of this type of relationship when you are single. Had a couple of them myself back in the day. Now that you have a kid, you owe it to that child to have a stable, calm and nurturing environment-even if that means being without this dude. As a child of that kind of volatility in my home growing up, I can say I wish my parents were more mature and less into their drama.

[Anonymous]

OP, he's not an EXCELLENT father or even adequate father if he truly intentionally ignores your child together and makes a point of calling his daughter from a previous marriage. Not that he shouldn't call daughter from previous marriage, but it is horrible, horrible, horrible that he is using his relationshiop with his daughter with you / relationship with daughter from someone else in order to score points. He sounds disgusting, to me, but I do agree with others that maybe we're not hearing the whole story.

I don't buy the whole "I was trying to get evidence of entrapment" thing he is talking about with his ex. I mean, what?!?!?!?!?!? OP, I assume you did not fall off the Christmas tree yesterday, did you?

At the very least, you need to leave this person and get yourself to therapy. If you want to consider working on this relationship for reasons that are not clear in your posts here, please make progress in couples counseling BEFORE you move yourself and your little one back into this mess.

You need tough love right now. Life will go on without this man, and he will be in your daughter's life, if he is a good father, no matter what. But he sounds immature, and like he might hurt her feelings by his immature parenting decisions. By leaving him, you are making a statement to your daughter that says "this is not okay." It may sound unnecessary and you may think you can "manage" their relationship better from within a relationship with him, but so far it hasn't worked out very well for you, by the sound of your posts. Good luck to you.

Signed,

Mom who grew up in your daugher's shoes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:when we are good, we are GOOD, but when we are bad things are very bad.

It's so hard to see this when you are in the midst of it, but you are in a bad relationship. I was in a relationship like that once and I look back and cringe at the crap I put up with: unfounded accusations about infidelity, muttered insults, the silent treatment for days-long stretches. You do not have to be in this relationship. Sure, you have a daughter together, so there will probably have to be some kind of contact between you two, but please know that there are good men out there and you can only find one if you leave this guy. If I had stayed in my terrible relationship, I would never have met my husband who is my biggest fan, staunchest supporter, best friend and all those mushy, sappy things that I didn't even know existed in real-life relationships.

Leave this man. You are wasting your life staying with him.

[Anonymous]

is that a troll i smell? the same one who posted a couple of months ago about having BFs sleep over?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:is that a troll i smell? the same one who posted a couple of months ago about having BFs sleep over?

not a troll at all. this is real life shit i am dealing with.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I posted this in the single parents forum, but see there isnt anyone really in there, so i thought i would try here....
my boyfriend and i have been living together for 4 years now. We have been together on and off for 7. He hasa daughter from a previous relationship who is 6 years old, and together we have a 7 month old. on and off throughout our relationship, there have been trust issues. issues on his part because there were financial issues that i didnt divulge to him, until later in the relationship. issues on my part because he maintains a relationship with an ex girlfriend from 10 years ago. i recently started checking his blackberry and found out that he is still having these conversations with the ex. discussing our sex life, going down memory lane with her about their relationship, and discussing our family and relationship issues with her. when i approached him about it, he said that he thought it was me trying to "entrap" him so he carried on the conversations just to get proof. now he comes in the house and ignores me, and basically ignores our daughter as well because he cannot be around me. yesterday he came in, didnt acknowledge our daughter and went into the basement and proceeded to call his other daughter to talk to her. so i decided to go out for a ride, and not take our daughter. i did this because if being around me is that much of a problem, then i will leave so he can spend time with his daughter. when i returned home they were gone. i sent him a text to ask where they were, and he responded saying they were on their way home. when he got there i told him to never do that to me again. since she has been here, i have always known where they are even if it was for a short walk. he then said that i was implying that he is a detriment to his child. and that i left out without telling him where i was going, so why is it an issue. after this, he let our daughter in the crib and told me to go take care of MY child.

when we are good, we are GOOD, but when we are bad things are very bad. i want to come to some type of resolution because this ignoring each other and walking around with attitudes is only going to make things worse if we do decide to break up.

i am considering taking our daughter to a friend for a few hours this evening and trying to talk to him. or should i just leave it alone and prepare to move out?

thanks.

It was posted and responded to earlier. Did you just not like the responses you received? Strange. And I have to agree with PPs, you do sound very immature.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, he's not an EXCELLENT father or even adequate father if he truly intentionally ignores your child together and makes a point of calling his daughter from a previous marriage. Not that he shouldn't call daughter from previous marriage, but it is horrible, horrible, horrible that he is using his relationshiop with his daughter with you / relationship with daughter from someone else in order to score points. He sounds disgusting, to me, but I do agree with others that maybe we're not hearing the whole story.

I don't buy the whole "I was trying to get evidence of entrapment" thing he is talking about with his ex. I mean, what?!?!?!?!?!? OP, I assume you did not fall off the Christmas tree yesterday, did you?

At the very least, you need to leave this person and get yourself to therapy. If you want to consider working on this relationship for reasons that are not clear in your posts here, please make progress in couples counseling BEFORE you move yourself and your little one back into this mess.

You need tough love right now. Life will go on without this man, and he will be in your daughter's life, if he is a good father, no matter what. But he sounds immature, and like he might hurt her feelings by his immature parenting decisions. By leaving him, you are making a statement to your daughter that says "this is not okay." It may sound unnecessary and you may think you can "manage" their relationship better from within a relationship with him, but so far it hasn't worked out very well for you, by the sound of your posts. Good luck to you.

Signed,

Mom who grew up in your daugher's shoes.

Agree with PP and bolding things I think you really should focus on.