Question for New Yorkers - Someone help me understand the “yeah yeah yeah” while someone is talking

[Anonymous]

I live this term cooperative overlap. That is exactly how a fun lively conversation sounds to me. It makes me absolutely nuts when I make a comment as DH talks that is in reaction to what he said and he acts as if I am changing the subject to something totally different. Likewise it drives him nuts when I “interrupt” so I try not to but it honestly makes me tune out more.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s not an all New Yorker behavior. Just those that are interrupters with no patience. They want to keep the conversation moving on their terms.

Sort of this. I'm signaling that I am listening and engaged, but also that I get where you are going with this and want you to keep moving along. I am most likely to do it with people who just keep talking until interrupted, rather than pausing for breath: if I listen silently, they are more likely to meander and overexplain.

Especially the last part, I appreciate the real time feedback and find it helpful to stay on track and communicate what needs to be said.

I actually feel more heard and listened too b/c otherwise I just worry they are judging me or planning their rebuttal.

I’m also ADHD, fwiw.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s not an all New Yorker behavior. Just those that are interrupters with no patience. They want to keep the conversation moving on their terms.

Sort of this. I'm signaling that I am listening and engaged, but also that I get where you are going with this and want you to keep moving along. I am most likely to do it with people who just keep talking until interrupted, rather than pausing for breath: if I listen silently, they are more likely to meander and overexplain.

You are rude.

[Anonymous]

Cooperative overlap that’s awesome! My family (somewhat to the bafflement of the married-ins) is very much a cooperative overlap group; at a dinner table with seven people, there will be at least five simultaneous conversations with everyone diving in and out of all of them. It works for us but I have to constantly work to slow down in my professional life.

[Anonymous]

So rude!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Deborah Tannen offered the term "cooperative overlapper," distinct from interrupting.

https://www.huffpost.com/entry/interrupting-or-cooperative-overlapping_l_603e8ae9c5b601179ec0ff4e

I’m from Baltimore, this is how I grew up. If you just sat there quietly, it meant you were disengaged.

[Anonymous]

Oh my god. I am an interrupter and I grew up in NY. I hate this about myself and try hard not to do it. This is an epiphany to me to think that it was a learned cultural behavior. I still will try not to do it but I feel better somehow. I will read the Deborah Tannen link. Thanks, PP who shared that!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s not an all New Yorker behavior. Just those that are interrupters with no patience. They want to keep the conversation moving on their terms.

Sort of this. I'm signaling that I am listening and engaged, but also that I get where you are going with this and want you to keep moving along. I am most likely to do it with people who just keep talking until interrupted, rather than pausing for breath: if I listen silently, they are more likely to meander and overexplain.

You are rude.

DP. It is also rude and boorish to drone on and on just to hear your own voice without giving anyone else an opportunity to participate. It’s a conversation, not a monologue.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s not an all New Yorker behavior. Just those that are interrupters with no patience. They want to keep the conversation moving on their terms.

Sort of this. I'm signaling that I am listening and engaged, but also that I get where you are going with this and want you to keep moving along. I am most likely to do it with people who just keep talking until interrupted, rather than pausing for breath: if I listen silently, they are more likely to meander and overexplain.

You are rude.

I disagree. It would be courteous to say your "bottom line" first, then pause to see if the other person wants elaboration. Too many people around here explain their whole thought process because they don't know how to filter themselves out of the main idea. It's the equivalent of telling a story that starts with "Well it was Wednesday - or was it Thursday? - no, Wednesday ..." -- not germane!

S/O, I always thought this was related to the Intuitive vs. Sensing element of Myers Briggs. Strong "sensing" people like to outline the logical process and restate facts; strong "intuitives" don't. I know Myers Briggs is largely trash but that N/S split has always felt very true to me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s not an all New Yorker behavior. Just those that are interrupters with no patience. They want to keep the conversation moving on their terms.

Sort of this. I'm signaling that I am listening and engaged, but also that I get where you are going with this and want you to keep moving along. I am most likely to do it with people who just keep talking until interrupted, rather than pausing for breath: if I listen silently, they are more likely to meander and overexplain.

You are rude.

DP. It is also rude and boorish to drone on and on just to hear your own voice without giving anyone else an opportunity to participate. It’s a conversation, not a monologue.

+1

It's rude to slowly ramble on and on and on and waste everyone's time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s not an all New Yorker behavior. Just those that are interrupters with no patience. They want to keep the conversation moving on their terms.

Sort of this. I'm signaling that I am listening and engaged, but also that I get where you are going with this and want you to keep moving along. I am most likely to do it with people who just keep talking until interrupted, rather than pausing for breath: if I listen silently, they are more likely to meander and overexplain.

You are rude.

I disagree. It would be courteous to say your "bottom line" first, then pause to see if the other person wants elaboration. Too many people around here explain their whole thought process because they don't know how to filter themselves out of the main idea. It's the equivalent of telling a story that starts with "Well it was Wednesday - or was it Thursday? - no, Wednesday ..." -- not germane!

S/O, I always thought this was related to the Intuitive vs. Sensing element of Myers Briggs. Strong "sensing" people like to outline the logical process and restate facts; strong "intuitives" don't. I know Myers Briggs is largely trash but that N/S split has always felt very true to me.

Interesting. I'm a strong S. Facts/logic are critical, but I never feel the need to rehash facts/process. Time to move on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Oh my god. I am an interrupter and I grew up in NY. I hate this about myself and try hard not to do it. This is an epiphany to me to think that it was a learned cultural behavior. I still will try not to do it but I feel better somehow. I will read the Deborah Tannen link. Thanks, PP who shared that!

Same! I didn’t realize I could chalk it up to being a New Yorker

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s not an all New Yorker behavior. Just those that are interrupters with no patience. They want to keep the conversation moving on their terms.

Sort of this. I'm signaling that I am listening and engaged, but also that I get where you are going with this and want you to keep moving along. I am most likely to do it with people who just keep talking until interrupted, rather than pausing for breath: if I listen silently, they are more likely to meander and overexplain.

You are rude.

DP. It is also rude and boorish to drone on and on just to hear your own voice without giving anyone else an opportunity to participate. It’s a conversation, not a monologue.

+1

It's rude to slowly ramble on and on and on and waste everyone's time.

Interrupters and the yea yea yeaers jump in and over everyone. It’s not about someone rambling or not giving others a chance to speak. The yea yea yeaers just think they can and should jump in whenever. Someone else said it earlier in the thread. They thought a conversation existed by two people always speaking at the exact same time.

[Anonymous]

I feel like people who add so much filler and unnecessary information think that the listener is stupid. I had a boss that would spent 15 min explaining a project to me when I'd figured out the job within 1 minute. It was so hard to stand and listen to it. I did a good job and really felt like he was trying to insinuate that I didn't know how to do things. Some people just like to listen to themselves talk with little regard for the listener's time.

I've shifted to just nodding my head along.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Cooperative overlap that’s awesome! My family (somewhat to the bafflement of the married-ins) is very much a cooperative overlap group; at a dinner table with seven people, there will be at least five simultaneous conversations with everyone diving in and out of all of them. It works for us but I have to constantly work to slow down in my professional life.

I'm not a New Yorker, but I love this about my extended family too! Dinners and holidays are just so loud and merry.

Similarly I expect people to tell me about what's going on in their life. DH's family seems to want an invitation to tell me things like we're casual acquaintances.