SIL moved in with barky dog. Baby due in 4 weeks. Reasonable boundaries check pls!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You can talk with your MIL and SOL and let them know that you’ll need to move out as soon as possible because of the dog.

Have your husband have the convo. It’s his family, he should be handling this.

[Anonymous]

You don’t get to lay down rules in other people’s homes. You should move out, OP. A newborn baby and an untrained energetic dog are not a good combination.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Can’t you just have an open conversation about all this without jumping to ultimatums or moving out?

“Hey everyone, with the baby due soon we wanted start planning since we’ll all be in survival mode. Since the baby will need to nap, we need the house to be quiet, and since we’ll be caring for the baby we can’t take care of the dog. We did some research and found these bark collars that have good reviews, but we’re open to other suggestions. Do you have any ideas?”

We did this with my 20 year old step daughter when I had a baby and couldn’t care for her dog, who also barked nonstop and peed and pooped inside. We were all friendly and adult about the whole thing, and she decided on her own that she wanted to move out. No harm done to the relationship.

Were you having this conversation in your house or someone else’s house? Because that is the issue here. OP cannot dictate that the dog wear a collar because it’s not their house and not their dog.

[Anonymous]

OP, did you move in partial because of MIL's health, and partial due to your own financial constraints?

You need to move out now and leave SIL to take care of her mother. A small yappy dog that is not trained will not become trained. It has to start from the very beginning.

If SIL is going to work and that's when it happens, and you can't move, then she needs to take the dog to doggie day care. You also should record the yappy, and also text her every time the dog pees or poops while she's gone. I'm sure at some level she thinks you're exaggerating due to not wanting her there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Can’t you just have an open conversation about all this without jumping to ultimatums or moving out?

“Hey everyone, with the baby due soon we wanted start planning since we’ll all be in survival mode. Since the baby will need to nap, we need the house to be quiet, and since we’ll be caring for the baby we can’t take care of the dog. We did some research and found these bark collars that have good reviews, but we’re open to other suggestions. Do you have any ideas?”

We did this with my 20 year old step daughter when I had a baby and couldn’t care for her dog, who also barked nonstop and peed and pooped inside. We were all friendly and adult about the whole thing, and she decided on her own that she wanted to move out. No harm done to the relationship.

+1. Try the drama-avoidant solution first. I also think it's fine to have a conversation where you outline that you moved in under X conditions and while you realize that things have changed, a dog wasn't something you factored in when you made the decision to move in and you need to work together to find a solution.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Can’t you just have an open conversation about all this without jumping to ultimatums or moving out?

“Hey everyone, with the baby due soon we wanted start planning since we’ll all be in survival mode. Since the baby will need to nap, we need the house to be quiet, and since we’ll be caring for the baby we can’t take care of the dog. We did some research and found these bark collars that have good reviews, but we’re open to other suggestions. Do you have any ideas?”

We did this with my 20 year old step daughter when I had a baby and couldn’t care for her dog, who also barked nonstop and peed and pooped inside. We were all friendly and adult about the whole thing, and she decided on her own that she wanted to move out. No harm done to the relationship.

Were you having this conversation in your house or someone else’s house? Because that is the issue here. OP cannot dictate that the dog wear a collar because it’s not their house and not their dog.

I said nothing about dictating the dog wear a collar. I said have an open conversation, let SIL know what they need, and see if they can find a solution together. If SIL refuses, then they can choose to move out. But who knows, it’s possible SIL is completely understanding and works with them. Ya know, like a family usually does.

Do people here not have regular conversations with family members? Like there’s a whole range of options besides “demand it’s my way” and “say nothing and just leave”.

[Anonymous]

It sure seems like SIL is the better fit for the caretaking role anyway. If over time that turns out not to be true, you can re-evaluate, but for now I would move out and move on.

[Anonymous]

I shudder to think of MIL needing care and her son and DIL have a new baby there. Seems like a recipe for disaster.

OP, is it possible that MIL asked her daughter to move in?

[Anonymous]

Move.

[Anonymous]

Move out OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, if you’re gonna mooch off of your MIL you can’t complain when other family members do too.

Your reading comprehension sucks.

[Anonymous]

Signing up to be caretaker for someone as you are taking on the first couple years of a child’s life is really going to be incredibly hard and stressful. Who will take care of you postpartum? I think regardless of the dog, this is not a good situation to be in.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, did you move in partial because of MIL's health, and partial due to your own financial constraints?

You need to move out now and leave SIL to take care of her mother. A small yappy dog that is not trained will not become trained. It has to start from the very beginning.

If SIL is going to work and that's when it happens, and you can't move, then she needs to take the dog to doggie day care. You also should record the yappy, and also text her every time the dog pees or poops while she's gone. I'm sure at some level she thinks you're exaggerating due to not wanting her there.

I'd be really interested in knowing if that played any role in this, as well.

OP, you are no longer beholden to stay, since SIL is there to care for the mother. If a calm, adult conversation doesn't resolve this (see above for more details as to how this would look -- the PPs were good), then you no longer need to sacrifice your comfort to help.

[Anonymous]

If a dog is overwhelming in addition to a baby then the MiL will be way worse. You need to move out and let your SIL take care of her mom. It is annoying that she just leaves the dog for others to care for but barking will not prevent a baby from sleeping. They get used to it. It just becomes a background noise to them. We had kids with our Labs and they barked and the babies never woke up. We had the baby in their own room so the barking wasn’t right next to her head.

[Anonymous]

Either move out or have a conversation that leads to boundaries that everyone can live with. The only thing I disagree with that anyone has said so far is this. Babies can sleep through anything, including barking dogs. If you make the choice to let your kid live within their environment rather than try to make the environment quiet you won’t regret it. Even if you get rid of the dog, you’ll still have tons of interruptions during your day.