Seeing family member after years

[Anonymous]

[quote=Anonymous]Any tips for seeing family member after years of not seeing? Background is that every year and every holiday since all kids out of house and on own, dad sends invite for all kids to join. Not all kids make it every time, but most usually do, except for one that has not come to anything for last 10 years. Same one has not spoken to anyone in family (including dad) for same time period, but has kept same phone so gets all the invite calls/email/text invites every year — just hasn’t replied until this year when texted dad that may try to come. I would love to say if they do come that whole family could just “pick up where left off,” but with 10 years of no contact, believe high odds of at least some drama. If were you, would you go or skip this year? Just curious what others would do if ever in similar situation where haven’t seen family member in years. Thanks, [/quote]

[Anonymous]

Why would there be drama? Maybe the person was not thinking about this at all, and this year they felt like coming.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Greet them with a ‘It’s soooo good to see you’ with a bright smile and a hug if you are a hugging family. Then introduce them to some of the under tens.

+1 This is what I would do. I'd be thrilled to see my relative after all that time. This is one year I'd be sure not to miss.

[Anonymous]

Do as my siblings do, dig up old sh*t that humiliates me. Explains why I have not seen but one of my 11 siblings since 1989 Spoke to my mother once since 1995. She died 2 years ago, I did not attend her services.

[Anonymous]

DH and his best friends have been friends since childhood and are basically brothers. A few years ago, one basically dropped off the face of the planet. They even got the police involved who were at least able to confirm he was alive. 3 years later he just popped back up like nothing happened. They knew they could either confront him and risk him running away again or just pick up where they left off. They picked back up and then later were able to discuss what had happened.

For your dad's sake, if you feel like you can't keep this "reunion" drama free, don't go. Your dad is probably thrilled that his kid is finally going to be back in his life and will be crushed if his other kids make it so uncomfortable for them that it causes them to back away again. So just suck it up , put on a happy face, and make it a nice afternoon for your dad. Deal with the rest later depending on how things go.

[Anonymous]

Of course you go.

And you pick up where you left off.

Not only is it the most natural and easy course of action, it's also the most compassionate. Who know what this sibling is suffering from, but clearly they're suffering from something.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Any tips for seeing family member after years of not seeing? Background is that every year and every holiday since all kids out of house and on own, dad sends invite for all kids to join. Not all kids make it every time, but most usually do, except for one that has not come to anything for last 10 years. Same one has not spoken to anyone in family (including dad) for same time period, but has kept same phone so gets all the invite calls/email/text invites every year — just hasn’t replied until this year when texted dad that may try to come. I would love to say if they do come that whole family could just “pick up where left off,” but with 10 years of no contact, believe high odds of at least some drama. If were you, would you go or skip this year? Just curious what others would do if ever in similar situation where haven’t seen family member in years. Thanks,

One hug and one tear would melt all the ice. Why waste more time? Life is short and unpredictable. Be kind to each other. Nobody is obligated to stay in contact, sometimes some people need time and distance to process whatever weighs on their mind. You don't know what it is but you can respect their need to do it.