Not attending sibling’s wedding reception

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So much dysfunction. Ugh. Just don't go. Say that with 4 kids, you just can't get away.

+1

[Anonymous]

Just respond that you can't make to a cross country wedding due to childcare issues and send a gift.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Fairly estranged from my family. I have four kids and a spouse. Ideally would like to totally avoid sibling’s wedding but there would be so much blow-back my spouse and I don’t think that’s possible. Is it too much of a statement to only attend the ceremony and not the reception? There will be a lot of folks at the reception we don’t want to see, parents included.

Are the children invited? Is the spouse invited? Would you want the spouse to attend? Would you want the kids to attend?

There is so much unknown from your paragraph.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My recommendation to you is: in or out.

Anything else and you can rightfully be accused of causing drama, causing confusion, pulling attention away from the bride and groom, adding to their cost, taking up spots that otherwise they would have filled with friends.

In or out.

I agree with this. My mom basically hates everyone on my dads side and my dads brothers came to my wedding with their families (albeit 2 hours late) and then half way through the salad course they abruptly left. It felt very dramatic and honestly ended up being a lot of wasted food and I really just wish they had declined.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Fairly estranged from my family. I have four kids and a spouse. Ideally would like to totally avoid sibling’s wedding but there would be so much blow-back my spouse and I don’t think that’s possible. Is it too much of a statement to only attend the ceremony and not the reception? There will be a lot of folks at the reception we don’t want to see, parents included.

May I ask what was the reason? It seems that if you can go to the Wedding than it isn't something super serious..? You can't stay an hour or so?

[Anonymous]

Since the wedding is not local, you have a perfect reason to skip. No excuses needed.

RSVP no and move on with your week.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you’re estranged from your family and fine with the estrangement, why do you care about blow back?

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Since the wedding is not local, you have a perfect reason to skip. No excuses needed.

RSVP no and move on with your week.

Agree. When my sibling got married across the country and I had little kids at the time, we just couldn’t go. We didn’t. Have that kind of money and my sibling knew that and understood.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Since the wedding is not local, you have a perfect reason to skip. No excuses needed.

RSVP no and move on with your week.

Send a gift with good wishes if you want to keep the door open for a relationship.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think you should RSVP that you'll happily be attending the ceremony but not the reception. The reception is the part that costs them money per head.

Don't invent an emergency or lie. "Laura I'm so happy for you and Joe, and will attend your wedding ceremony to support your marriage. I won't be attending the reception - as you know I have a contentious relationship with our parents and I'd hate for my presence to take away from your special day. All the best to you and Joe!" (Don't put all that on the RSVP card - just text or email it to your sibling.)

Horrible advice! DO NOT SEND THAT. Drama much?? Just RSVP attending ceremony not the reception and if you must text, send the same messsge with “ sorry we won’t be at reception but look forward to seeing you at the ceremony.”

[Anonymous]

Not going will solidify your estrangement and will take your sister from saying you're close to moving her into the estranged pack. Is that really what you want to do? I just don't see the payoff here for making such drama - because you know your absence will cause drama. If you truly care for your sister, go to the wedding and go to the reception. If you need to leave the reception early, then do so. But don't blow up your sister's wedding just because you don't like some of your family members. It isn't fair to your sister.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Fairly estranged from my family. I have four kids and a spouse. Ideally would like to totally avoid sibling’s wedding but there would be so much blow-back my spouse and I don’t think that’s possible. Is it too much of a statement to only attend the ceremony and not the reception? There will be a lot of folks at the reception we don’t want to see, parents included.

Why bother? You are an adult and if you are estranged from your family why were you invited?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Not going will solidify your estrangement and will take your sister from saying you're close to moving her into the estranged pack. Is that really what you want to do? I just don't see the payoff here for making such drama - because you know your absence will cause drama. If you truly care for your sister, go to the wedding and go to the reception. If you need to leave the reception early, then do so. But don't blow up your sister's wedding just because you don't like some of your family members. It isn't fair to your sister.

I disagree. I think OP can RSVP no and send a gift and sweet note. Going causes plenty of drama. I don't think it is blowing anything up if OP declines. No need to explain. I would just make a harmless excuse. Sister already knows about estrangement. It will just cause you stress and money to go and you can just spend that money on a gift. People get themselves way too worked up about these things.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just respond that you can't make to a cross country wedding due to childcare issues and send a gift.

This, and I’d make the gift very generous.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Not going will solidify your estrangement and will take your sister from saying you're close to moving her into the estranged pack. Is that really what you want to do? I just don't see the payoff here for making such drama - because you know your absence will cause drama. If you truly care for your sister, go to the wedding and go to the reception. If you need to leave the reception early, then do so. But don't blow up your sister's wedding just because you don't like some of your family members. It isn't fair to your sister.

+1 I don't see any way to NOT attend and have it be acceptable. During the height of Covid? Sure. Now? It would totally look like a slap in the face.