Switching from Public to Private in 10th or 11th

[Anonymous]

Op, it sounds like you need to focus on the mental health issues. Is she in therapy? Does she have an IOP?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op, it sounds like you need to focus on the mental health issues. Is she in therapy? Does she have an IOP?

OP again. Thanks again everyone. Yes, we are seeking mental health support. She went to therapy for a while, then stopped and now is starting again. We think the current plan of action will be to let her settle back into therapy (with a new therapist) and see how things progress - she may also potentially change medication. Hopefully when she feels better, she'll do better and perhaps the environment will change in that she'll perceive it differently. The issue is that she feels "dumb" because she's not in all honors classes. But, she's not - and we know that in reality, MCPS is required by law to support her in ways other schools are not (although they may, just by default/different teaching philosophies). So switching would be a gamble too. It would also take her away from her sibling, who is only one grade apart.

It's a bit of a Catch 22 - if she's in higher classes, she does not do well and it causes tremendous stress. Now she's in lower classes and she feels demoralized as a result. I wish she understand what we do as adults - that, 10 years from now, this will all not matter.

[Anonymous]

I went from a W school to a private. I had been a very good student with high scores but issues impacted my school performance (mix of health and social— probably connected) and I needed a fresh start. Private was smaller and more invested in me and I thrived. Went to college and law school and have a solid legal career. But if you had seen me as a 9th grader in my W school you would not have expected college at all. So do it. Give the fresh start. I did not need to be home and cannot that home school is a good idea.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I went from a W school to a private. I had been a very good student with high scores but issues impacted my school performance (mix of health and social— probably connected) and I needed a fresh start. Private was smaller and more invested in me and I thrived. Went to college and law school and have a solid legal career. But if you had seen me as a 9th grader in my W school you would not have expected college at all. So do it. Give the fresh start. I did not need to be home and cannot that home school is a good idea.

Do you mind me asking where you went to private?

[Anonymous]

OP, I have heard great things about St. Andrews being welcoming and not a pressure cooker like the W schools. My daughter attends another private, but we did consider St. Andrews. I would also consider the other schools people mentioned here (McLean, Field, Lab).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op, it sounds like you need to focus on the mental health issues. Is she in therapy? Does she have an IOP?

OP again. Thanks again everyone. Yes, we are seeking mental health support. She went to therapy for a while, then stopped and now is starting again. We think the current plan of action will be to let her settle back into therapy (with a new therapist) and see how things progress - she may also potentially change medication. Hopefully when she feels better, she'll do better and perhaps the environment will change in that she'll perceive it differently. The issue is that she feels "dumb" because she's not in all honors classes. But, she's not - and we know that in reality, MCPS is required by law to support her in ways other schools are not (although they may, just by default/different teaching philosophies). So switching would be a gamble too. It would also take her away from her sibling, who is only one grade apart.

It's a bit of a Catch 22 - if she's in higher classes, she does not do well and it causes tremendous stress. Now she's in lower classes and she feels demoralized as a result. I wish she understand what we do as adults - that, 10 years from now, this will all not matter.

OP this is the problem with W schools. The pressure and the stigma of being in "lower" classes can ruin the entire high school experience.

[Anonymous]

I guess you need to ask her why does she feel “dumb”? Does she think the other students in her class are dumb and beneath her? I bet she doesn’t believe that. Can she work on giving herself the grace she would give others?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I went from a W school to a private. I had been a very good student with high scores but issues impacted my school performance (mix of health and social— probably connected) and I needed a fresh start. Private was smaller and more invested in me and I thrived. Went to college and law school and have a solid legal career. But if you had seen me as a 9th grader in my W school you would not have expected college at all. So do it. Give the fresh start. I did not need to be home and cannot that home school is a good idea.

Do you mind me asking where you went to private?

Whitman to St Andrew’s.

[Anonymous]

I have friends who have moved their kids from BCC to Field, Burke and Sandy Springs. All were happy they did so.

[Anonymous]

Whitman to St Andrew’s here. I did not have learning issues so Lab was not on the table. Mainly, my health issues has meant school work got harder. So I had been honors everything and then I was dropped back in math into the standard level. So my persona as a very smart person who got good grades was becoming more and more disconnected with reality. And so my confidence cratered. I suppose my parents could have considered lots of tutoring but I am 47 and that just wasn’t a thing people did as much in the 80s. The other thing was that there was no accountability at Whitman. So if I didn’t do my work, no one cared or said anything. So then I got behind and it was just a spiral. St. Andrews just expected work to be done and, at least back them, if you just didn’t do homework then you got detention that very day. But mainly I was just able to start fresh with new people who didn’t really know me and the teachers were great and I just thrived. To be clear, I didn’t want to leave Whitman. I didn’t want to go to a new school in 10th grade after going to public for my entire education with the same kids. But it saved me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I guess you need to ask her why does she feel “dumb”? Does she think the other students in her class are dumb and beneath her? I bet she doesn’t believe that. Can she work on giving herself the grace she would give others?

If she’s been told her entire academic career that only the advanced classes will get her into college and that the only way to have value at her school is to be high-achieving, then of course she feels dumb. Don’t gaslight the poor kid. This is a huge problem with the pressure we put on the kids. It’s completely insert that she feels this way. I seriously doubt she’s developmentally ready to reject all social pressures as PP is suggesting and decide that her own path is what’s right for her. I wasn’t ready for that until I was in my late 30s. (None of this is directed at you, OP. I’m speaking to the PP who made the ridiculous suggestion to you.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Whitman to St Andrew’s here. I did not have learning issues so Lab was not on the table. Mainly, my health issues has meant school work got harder. So I had been honors everything and then I was dropped back in math into the standard level. So my persona as a very smart person who got good grades was becoming more and more disconnected with reality. And so my confidence cratered. I suppose my parents could have considered lots of tutoring but I am 47 and that just wasn’t a thing people did as much in the 80s. The other thing was that there was no accountability at Whitman. So if I didn’t do my work, no one cared or said anything. So then I got behind and it was just a spiral. St. Andrews just expected work to be done and, at least back them, if you just didn’t do homework then you got detention that very day. But mainly I was just able to start fresh with new people who didn’t really know me and the teachers were great and I just thrived. To be clear, I didn’t want to leave Whitman. I didn’t want to go to a new school in 10th grade after going to public for my entire education with the same kids. But it saved me.

Thank you for sharing more information. We happen to be at Whitman, and St. Andrews keeps coming up, so it's clearly going to go on the map of potential paths we're considering. Cost is a huge issue, though. We just don't have an extra 50K a year. We are totally open to tutoring, but unfortunately our DD is not - and while some people might say "she doesn't get a choice," really you can't make a teenager do something she doesn't want to do. Insisting also just reinforces that something is "wrong" with her.

We do not care where she goes to college, or even if she goes (right away, at least - we would be open to a planned gap year). AND, she is bright and has many, many strengths. She's just not happy, and school is a major contributor. We will figure this out. Thank you to everyone who has weighed in.

[Anonymous]

Since she is happy socially at public and private would be a hardship, I would not do private. She will have more college options the more money you have put away for college.