S/O Defiant children as adults

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would be much more worried about the rule follower. I raised my six kids to be defiant. To have the guts to stand their ground no matter who doesn't like it. Raise them with a good, solid base and teach them to always stand up for what they believe in. The defiant one will have more luck as an adult than the compliant one. Compliance creates slaves of society. I spent my whole life defying those who tried to control me. If you give someone an inch, they'll take your freedom. I am not afraid to take risks. I have always been the defiant one. I've also had a lot more fun than those who are fearful. I was born fearless. Everything is an adrenaline rush except for mediocrity.

You sound dreadful. How do you even live in society?

I think she has it right.

I suspect she hasn’t worked for pay in decades.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would be much more worried about the rule follower. I raised my six kids to be defiant. To have the guts to stand their ground no matter who doesn't like it. Raise them with a good, solid base and teach them to always stand up for what they believe in. The defiant one will have more luck as an adult than the compliant one. Compliance creates slaves of society. I spent my whole life defying those who tried to control me. If you give someone an inch, they'll take your freedom. I am not afraid to take risks. I have always been the defiant one. I've also had a lot more fun than those who are fearful. I was born fearless. Everything is an adrenaline rush except for mediocrity.

Disagree. I would definitely be worried more about my defiant kid. Why would you raise your kids to be defiant?


"Defiant kids have patterns of anger, irritability, arguing, toward adults and authority figures. They also have Angry and irritable mood swings.

Often and easily loses temper
Is frequently touchy and easily annoyed by others
Is often angry and resentful

Argumentative and defiant behavior:

Often argues with adults or people in authority
Often actively defies or refuses to comply with adults' requests or rules
Often deliberately annoys or upsets people
Often blames others for his or her mistakes or misbehavior"

The poster you are responding to is not using “defiant” in the more clinical way you and everyone else on here means. The poster with the six kids is just smugly patting herself for raising kids to always question authority. I suspect this goes well beyond raising kids to be critical thinkers, which most of us aspire to do.

And that's your take on her comment? lol.

Not sure what the the lady with the 6 kids means but she's associating a "rule follower" with words like Compliance, slavery, fearful and mediocrity.

She's nuts!

[Anonymous]

Start by stop labeling your child and learn to like them n

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would be much more worried about the rule follower. I raised my six kids to be defiant. To have the guts to stand their ground no matter who doesn't like it. Raise them with a good, solid base and teach them to always stand up for what they believe in. The defiant one will have more luck as an adult than the compliant one. Compliance creates slaves of society. I spent my whole life defying those who tried to control me. If you give someone an inch, they'll take your freedom. I am not afraid to take risks. I have always been the defiant one. I've also had a lot more fun than those who are fearful. I was born fearless. Everything is an adrenaline rush except for mediocrity.

Disagree. I would definitely be worried more about my defiant kid. Why would you raise your kids to be defiant?


"Defiant kids have patterns of anger, irritability, arguing, toward adults and authority figures. They also have Angry and irritable mood swings.

Often and easily loses temper
Is frequently touchy and easily annoyed by others
Is often angry and resentful

Argumentative and defiant behavior:

Often argues with adults or people in authority
Often actively defies or refuses to comply with adults' requests or rules
Often deliberately annoys or upsets people
Often blames others for his or her mistakes or misbehavior"

The poster you are responding to is not using “defiant” in the more clinical way you and everyone else on here means. The poster with the six kids is just smugly patting herself for raising kids to always question authority. I suspect this goes well beyond raising kids to be critical thinkers, which most of us aspire to do.

And that's your take on her comment? lol.

Not sure what the the lady with the 6 kids means but she's associating a "rule follower" with words like Compliance, slavery, fearful and mediocrity.

She's nuts!

It's a dude posting. Look at the speech pattern.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would be much more worried about the rule follower. I raised my six kids to be defiant. To have the guts to stand their ground no matter who doesn't like it. Raise them with a good, solid base and teach them to always stand up for what they believe in. The defiant one will have more luck as an adult than the compliant one. Compliance creates slaves of society. I spent my whole life defying those who tried to control me. If you give someone an inch, they'll take your freedom. I am not afraid to take risks. I have always been the defiant one. I've also had a lot more fun than those who are fearful. I was born fearless. Everything is an adrenaline rush except for mediocrity.

Disagree. I would definitely be worried more about my defiant kid. Why would you raise your kids to be defiant?


"Defiant kids have patterns of anger, irritability, arguing, toward adults and authority figures. They also have Angry and irritable mood swings.

Often and easily loses temper
Is frequently touchy and easily annoyed by others
Is often angry and resentful

Argumentative and defiant behavior:

Often argues with adults or people in authority
Often actively defies or refuses to comply with adults' requests or rules
Often deliberately annoys or upsets people
Often blames others for his or her mistakes or misbehavior"

The poster you are responding to is not using “defiant” in the more clinical way you and everyone else on here means. The poster with the six kids is just smugly patting herself for raising kids to always question authority. I suspect this goes well beyond raising kids to be critical thinkers, which most of us aspire to do.

And that's your take on her comment? lol.

Not sure what the the lady with the 6 kids means but she's associating a "rule follower" with words like Compliance, slavery, fearful and mediocrity.

She's nuts!

Yes, that’s my take. I don’t think she’s nuts. Just someone who barged her way into an interesting thread that has nothing to do with her to proclaim her self-perceived sense of parenting superiority. It happens a lot in any online parenting forum.

[Anonymous]

I think it’s very important to figure out the underlying reason for the defiance. If your child is depressed or anxious or has ADHD then you can help them navigate those diagnoses with appropriate expectations and medication or even therapy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have 2 young boys: one a rule follower and one very defiant. Reading the thread about dud children now makes me really worried about my defiant child. Please tell me not all defiant children grow up to be troubled! If you had one of those, please tell me how they are doing as adults and if you have any advice on how to raise such a child.

I know my father was a defiant child, and he grew up to be a successful business owner (he always told me he could never work for anyone else because of his personality ). I was probably “defiant” too (girl though so presented differently than defiance in boys) and am doing well. I have one myself now and am try to spend more time talking with her about what she’s feeling — I think reacting to big emotions drives some of her defiance — and I also really try not to engage with her in power struggles. It’s tough, good luck! But I can tell you not all defiant kids turn out to be “duds.”

Same here with my brother. He was very defiant as a child and young adult, got kicked out of his $$$$$ private school, finished in public and now he's a very very successful entrepreneur. He's a very calculated risk taker and knows how to make money.

[Anonymous]

I don't know if I was defiant but I argued a lot with my parents and was pretty miserable to be around as a teen. I am now a successful lobbyist and channel my stubbornness into chipping away at policy problems over years and years. I love my job and am also happily married with 3 kids. My brother who is much more mellow and was an easy kid to raise has a reasonably good job but is bored at work and makes much less than me. A family we know from growing up had a very defiant kid who was a real jerk. That kid is now a crazy successful journalist (many of you would know who he is) who has made $$$$ by getting his book optioned.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would be much more worried about the rule follower. I raised my six kids to be defiant. To have the guts to stand their ground no matter who doesn't like it. Raise them with a good, solid base and teach them to always stand up for what they believe in. The defiant one will have more luck as an adult than the compliant one. Compliance creates slaves of society. I spent my whole life defying those who tried to control me. If you give someone an inch, they'll take your freedom. I am not afraid to take risks. I have always been the defiant one. I've also had a lot more fun than those who are fearful. I was born fearless. Everything is an adrenaline rush except for mediocrity.

Oh it’s six kid mom, ignore her, she proudly says she has no relationship with several of her adult kids and has grandkids she has never met and does not intend to. She’s so defiant but yet she is here sitting on this board all day!

[Anonymous]

I think it’s sad that you equate rule following = good, defiant ( not being who you want him to be?) = bad. If you love and accept your kids for who they are, OP, you won’t have to worry about who they become.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think it’s sad that you equate rule following = good, defiant ( not being who you want him to be?) = bad. If you love and accept your kids for who they are, OP, you won’t have to worry about who they become.

I think she just wants the best for her kids and is worried that the defiant kid will have problems navigating work and social situations.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have 2 young boys: one a rule follower and one very defiant. Reading the thread about dud children now makes me really worried about my defiant child. Please tell me not all defiant children grow up to be troubled! If you had one of those, please tell me how they are doing as adults and if you have any advice on how to raise such a child.

I know my father was a defiant child, and he grew up to be a successful business owner (he always told me he could never work for anyone else because of his personality ). I was probably “defiant” too (girl though so presented differently than defiance in boys) and am doing well. I have one myself now and am try to spend more time talking with her about what she’s feeling — I think reacting to big emotions drives some of her defiance — and I also really try not to engage with her in power struggles. It’s tough, good luck! But I can tell you not all defiant kids turn out to be “duds.”

Same here with my brother. He was very defiant as a child and young adult, got kicked out of his $$$$$ private school, finished in public and now he's a very very successful entrepreneur. He's a very calculated risk taker and knows how to make money.

Seems like a lot of times kids like this can do very well as adults when they can control their own destiny and make their own decisions. Probably won't do great as a cog in the wheel of a huge organization but could really excel as entrepreneurs and business owners where they make their own rules and run things.