Are you competitive with your siblings?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have no reason to be competitive with any of my many siblings, since I have made more money than all of them combined and my kids are the most successful of the grandkids. Some of my siblings care about that, and others don't. So I'd say some of them are competitive with me and others aren't.

NP. I could have written this—it word-for-word describes my family. I don’t know if they’re competitive, but we’re not super close like they are with each other and the parents.

[Anonymous]

No. I'm super close with my younger brother and we help each other tremendously. We also take care of each other's kids. Anecdotally, I've seen a lot of drama in families with all girls, especially if one is prettier or marries into money and the other one doesn't.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No. I'm super close with my younger brother and we help each other tremendously. We also take care of each other's kids. Anecdotally, I've seen a lot of drama in families with all girls, especially if one is prettier or marries into money and the other one doesn't.

This. Wealth becomes a great divide especially when you become parents yourself.

It’s really based on how your parents set up your relationship when you were young. DH and his siblings are all very close. Sometimes sisters disagree, but not feud level.

My parents were competitive with themselves v. Peers and that bled into sibling dynamics. “Larla got an A. Layla only got a B.” “Layla came in first in the race. Larla, you need to work harder.” who came in 5th.” Our relationship as siblings tanked in our later 20s. We still get oddly competitive when we see each other. We are both pretty normal in our regular life.

[Anonymous]

Not at all. He’s 5 years younger, on a totally different path, we don’t live near each other, and have virtually nothing in common outside of being born to the same parents.

[Anonymous]

Not me, but my DH brother has kids the same age as mine and he is really competitive about the kids - i.e. who learned to read, what level math, what colleges to apply to, etc. It's kind of painful.

[Anonymous]

My mother and her sister were extremely competitive over their kids. My mother was the worse offender, and it permanently ruined their relationship. Now that we are adults, we cousins realize how toxic it all was and laugh about it. We know both of our mothers were crazy.

[Anonymous]

I wish the four of us would compete on who gets to take care of mom and dad, but I "won" that competition by default.

[Anonymous]

My sister has been and continues being competitive at 56. She even told false stories about me. When we were young, she didn’t tolerate seeing some guys paying more attention to me.

[Anonymous]

I have never felt competitive with my siblings but I have recently been made aware that one of my siblings does feel competitive with me and apparently has since childhood. This information came as a surprise to me, but it did explain a lot about this sibling’s treatment of me over the years, which, frankly, was never very nice.

[Anonymous]

Nope. She wins, phd, more money, nicer house, newer car, better dressed, better looking, better everything. I'm good with that. She's actually really great and deserves her success.

[Anonymous]

Now that I am a mom, I fully see how parents can foster a sense of competitiveness among their kids, even if it is below the surface. Mostly, it’s a cheap way to try to control your children, particularly when attention is dolled out more on the “top performers”. It has definitely impacted the relationships with my siblings. It’s also evident in the cousin relationships. It’s decisive and leads to self- confidence issues.

[Anonymous]

My DH and his 2 sisters are competitive about getting attention, affection and validation from their very elderly mother, a widow.

DH is 63, his sisters are 50 and 56. His sisters especially seem to compete for their mother's approval all the time by trying to impress her with even mundane things.

Is this normal at their age?

[Anonymous]

No, we have a bigger age gap (4 years, 4 grades in school growing up) and are just really different people living really different lives. It’s good and bad, but good in the sense that there’s no competition at all.

[Anonymous]

Not at all. The three of us are complete opposites in every way possible from our looks, jobs or lack of and where we live. Even the spouses we ended up with are totally different in every way possible. None of us would want the life of the others. We all probably judge each other a little in private with some of our life choices or how we raise our kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Not at all. The three of us are complete opposites in every way possible from our looks, jobs or lack of and where we live. Even the spouses we ended up with are totally different in every way possible. None of us would want the life of the others. We all probably judge each other a little in private with some of our life choices or how we raise our kids.

+1

THIS. Plus, one had no kids and expects handouts, not that she would call it that. Also, one with grown kids STILL expects handouts (in the form of applause), so there is that.