A question about the trans community

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's a little odd to me that you think transgirls are the least safe.

If gender is truly a construct and a spectrum you put matching genitals with other matching genitals.

Why?

To avoid pregnancy and issues of coercion and consent.

Do none of you remember being teens? Things like pressure? Experimentation? Poor decision-making?

Kids find a way to have sex regardless of where they sleep on a trip. Don’t you remember being a teen?

Overall, kids are safest when you don’t misgender them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's a little odd to me that you think transgirls are the least safe.

If gender is truly a construct and a spectrum you put matching genitals with other matching genitals.

Why?

To avoid pregnancy and issues of coercion and consent.

Do none of you remember being teens? Things like pressure? Experimentation? Poor decision-making?

I would not agree to that in having my son in the room. Too many ways that could go wrong.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The problem is that the trans community doesn't have an agenda any more than the gay community does. Our (speaking as a nontrans member of the queer community) big idea is to live our lives without being harassed. So don't harass (and encourage the other people in your life to not harass), respect pronouns, and generally listen to each individual trans person you interact with to better understand what they would find most supportive.

I went out to eat over the weekend and some of the other patrons literally stared at me the ENTIRE TIME. I'm visibly trans if I present as a woman or a man and usually people look at me then look away. I notice it but that's not too big of a deal. I was eating and this man that was sitting diagonally from me was sort of turned in his chair to face me and he looked at me the ENTIRE TIME. Like who does that? Thankfully I live in a safe area and while it made me uncomfortable, I wasn't afraid. Some people see a trans person and act like we're zoo animals to observe.

Anonymous wrote:It's a little odd to me that you think transgirls are the least safe.

If gender is truly a construct and a spectrum you put matching genitals with other matching genitals.

Why?

To avoid pregnancy and issues of coercion and consent.

Do none of you remember being teens? Things like pressure? Experimentation? Poor decision-making?

I don't think you have a good understanding of the effects of HRT on the body based on what you've written here.

The other thing is that you seem to be making the assumption that a trans girl that's medically transitioning may coerce cis girls to have sex with her (unless you mean the cis girls are going to coerce the trans girl into sex?) and cis boys would not do the same to a trans girl? Or are you thinking that a trans girl that's on HRT is going to look like a boy physically and be of no interest to a cis boy?

[Anonymous]

There is no “trans community” like there’s no gay community or lesbian community or Muslim community or Asian community. Trans people aren’t monolithic. Overall, they want to be treated with respect, like all people do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:For a teen trip (think travel camp with overnights)- if there is no adult in the hotel room, 3 kids to a room- do they room with the gender they identify with or the gender they were born as. 14-15 year olds. Asking because I’m organizing such a trip

With the gender they identify with. But as the parent of a teen trans girl, I would only want this if everyone was comfortable with it, and my daughter would too. She doesn’t even use the bathroom at school because she’s so uncomfortable. Someone asked about camp. My kid is going to a summer program, and we asked for a single. She wouldn’t want to room with someone else, probably even if she had a friend going.

Anyone who is seriously worried that the trans kid is going to somehow take advantage of the cis kids has no clue how uncomfortable most trans kids are about their bodies. My kid hasnt shown her legs or arms in public in several years.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For a teen trip (think travel camp with overnights)- if there is no adult in the hotel room, 3 kids to a room- do they room with the gender they identify with or the gender they were born as. 14-15 year olds. Asking because I’m organizing such a trip

My trans niece would have really wanted to be with the gender she identified as BUT the important part is ensuring that the two kids she was sharing with were comfortable sharing with her (and their parents were too). Are you insisting on segregating kids by gender? As a bi adult I've always found that retroactively strange. The kids who are uncomfortable with mixed gender sleeping arrangements will voluntarily room with their own gender and the ones who want to get up to mischief (straight or otherwise) will probably manage to do so.

I don't care if you're "bi" or whatever but your response is ridiculous. No, you don't ask the kids and parents of other other students "hey, is it ok if on this trip we treat student X as a girl even though biologically she isn't?" NO. You simply treat her as a girl because that it how she identifies. END OF STORY. The other kids and parents don't get veto power, for pete's sake.

I’m the parent who just posted above. Morally, I think you’re right. But I wouldn’t want my kid rooming with kids who weren’t accepting or would be mean to her, and she wouldn’t want that either. For my own emotional well being and hers, I’d want to make sure it was going to be a good experience.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For a teen trip (think travel camp with overnights)- if there is no adult in the hotel room, 3 kids to a room- do they room with the gender they identify with or the gender they were born as. 14-15 year olds. Asking because I’m organizing such a trip

With the gender they identify with. But as the parent of a teen trans girl, I would only want this if everyone was comfortable with it, and my daughter would too. She doesn’t even use the bathroom at school because she’s so uncomfortable. Someone asked about camp. My kid is going to a summer program, and we asked for a single. She wouldn’t want to room with someone else, probably even if she had a friend going.

Anyone who is seriously worried that the trans kid is going to somehow take advantage of the cis kids has no clue how uncomfortable most trans kids are about their bodies. My kid hasnt shown her legs or arms in public in several years.

+1
I'm the trans adult that posted above. The fear mongering about trans people is so out of hand. Most of us try not to use any bathrooms outside of our homes unless it's an emergency. I've heard stories of people that couldn't hold it and basically waited to exit a stall until everyone in the bathroom had left.

Even as an adult these things are a problem. Probably worse in some ways. I just wish single occupancy bathrooms were more common. I'm not sure if you're aware but there's a website refugerestrooms.org that has a crowdsourced list of single occupancy bathrooms which could help when you're out with her.

[Anonymous]

Can the trans kid have their own room? If it were my child, I'd pay extra to keep them safe and to not cause "trouble" for other kids.

[Anonymous]

Gender is a harmful construct. Why are we enshrining it?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Gender is a harmful construct. Why are we enshrining it?

If you prefer the term, I’m transsexual.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's a little odd to me that you think transgirls are the least safe.

If gender is truly a construct and a spectrum you put matching genitals with other matching genitals.

Why?

To avoid pregnancy and issues of coercion and consent.

Do none of you remember being teens? Things like pressure? Experimentation? Poor decision-making?

I know a nurse in a pediatric psych hospital. They respect pronouns and names, but they always put the adolescents with a roommate of the same sex due to liability. Less chance of sexual assault, no risk of pregnancy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The problem is that the trans community doesn't have an agenda any more than the gay community does. Our (speaking as a nontrans member of the queer community) big idea is to live our lives without being harassed. So don't harass (and encourage the other people in your life to not harass), respect pronouns, and generally listen to each individual trans person you interact with to better understand what they would find most supportive.

I went out to eat over the weekend and some of the other patrons literally stared at me the ENTIRE TIME. I'm visibly trans if I present as a woman or a man and usually people look at me then look away. I notice it but that's not too big of a deal. I was eating and this man that was sitting diagonally from me was sort of turned in his chair to face me and he looked at me the ENTIRE TIME. Like who does that? Thankfully I live in a safe area and while it made me uncomfortable, I wasn't afraid. Some people see a trans person and act like we're zoo animals to observe.

Anonymous wrote:It's a little odd to me that you think transgirls are the least safe.

If gender is truly a construct and a spectrum you put matching genitals with other matching genitals.

Why?

To avoid pregnancy and issues of coercion and consent.

Do none of you remember being teens? Things like pressure? Experimentation? Poor decision-making?

I don't think you have a good understanding of the effects of HRT on the body based on what you've written here.

The other thing is that you seem to be making the assumption that a trans girl that's medically transitioning may coerce cis girls to have sex with her (unless you mean the cis girls are going to coerce the trans girl into sex?) and cis boys would not do the same to a trans girl? Or are you thinking that a trans girl that's on HRT is going to look like a boy physically and be of no interest to a cis boy?

Men do that. To women.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The problem is that the trans community doesn't have an agenda any more than the gay community does. Our (speaking as a nontrans member of the queer community) big idea is to live our lives without being harassed. So don't harass (and encourage the other people in your life to not harass), respect pronouns, and generally listen to each individual trans person you interact with to better understand what they would find most supportive.

I went out to eat over the weekend and some of the other patrons literally stared at me the ENTIRE TIME. I'm visibly trans if I present as a woman or a man and usually people look at me then look away. I notice it but that's not too big of a deal. I was eating and this man that was sitting diagonally from me was sort of turned in his chair to face me and he looked at me the ENTIRE TIME. Like who does that? Thankfully I live in a safe area and while it made me uncomfortable, I wasn't afraid. Some people see a trans person and act like we're zoo animals to observe.

Anonymous wrote:It's a little odd to me that you think transgirls are the least safe.

If gender is truly a construct and a spectrum you put matching genitals with other matching genitals.

Why?

To avoid pregnancy and issues of coercion and consent.

Do none of you remember being teens? Things like pressure? Experimentation? Poor decision-making?

I don't think you have a good understanding of the effects of HRT on the body based on what you've written here.

The other thing is that you seem to be making the assumption that a trans girl that's medically transitioning may coerce cis girls to have sex with her (unless you mean the cis girls are going to coerce the trans girl into sex?) and cis boys would not do the same to a trans girl? Or are you thinking that a trans girl that's on HRT is going to look like a boy physically and be of no interest to a cis boy?

Men do that. To women.

You have people turn on their chair at a 45 degree angle and stare at you the entire time? Like half an hour? When they're sitting across from their girlfriend? That's not, in my experience, something I've experienced or seen in my life. I'm pretty sure he was doing it because I'm trans. If I was passing, I seriously doubt it would have happened. I was dressed as a man at the time but I'm visibly transgender because of my chest.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For a teen trip (think travel camp with overnights)- if there is no adult in the hotel room, 3 kids to a room- do they room with the gender they identify with or the gender they were born as. 14-15 year olds. Asking because I’m organizing such a trip

My trans niece would have really wanted to be with the gender she identified as BUT the important part is ensuring that the two kids she was sharing with were comfortable sharing with her (and their parents were too). Are you insisting on segregating kids by gender? As a bi adult I've always found that retroactively strange. The kids who are uncomfortable with mixed gender sleeping arrangements will voluntarily room with their own gender and the ones who want to get up to mischief (straight or otherwise) will probably manage to do so.

I don't care if you're "bi" or whatever but your response is ridiculous. No, you don't ask the kids and parents of other other students "hey, is it ok if on this trip we treat student X as a girl even though biologically she isn't?" NO. You simply treat her as a girl because that it how she identifies. END OF STORY. The other kids and parents don't get veto power, for pete's sake.

When it comes to sleeping arrangements and kids, everyone has veto power.

The whole scenario is contrived anyway.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's a little odd to me that you think transgirls are the least safe.

If gender is truly a construct and a spectrum you put matching genitals with other matching genitals.

Why?

To avoid pregnancy and issues of coercion and consent.

Do none of you remember being teens? Things like pressure? Experimentation? Poor decision-making?

I know a nurse in a pediatric psych hospital. They respect pronouns and names, but they always put the adolescents with a roommate of the same sex due to liability. Less chance of sexual assault, no risk of pregnancy.

Sounds like the mean, anti-trans nurse on DCUM. Those poor kids.