The screaming

[Anonymous]

Is the screaming attention seeking, or are they generally cranky/disoriented when they wake up, or are they burning off energy, or are they hungry, or do they need time apart?

I'd recommend that your husband take the kids to a walkable playground, or have them do some cosmic kids yoga/online exercise class, or some other activity while you are prepping dinner.

[Anonymous]

The answer to this simple.

Cook during nap time. Have dinner ready at 5:30. After dinner, have your DH take the kids outside to play.

He’s not gong to cook when he gets home. I wouldn’t either (sorry). And I’m a woman.

[Anonymous]

OP here. Thanks everyone for all the advice. So, yesterday, I moved nap time up almost an hour. I put the kids down at 2:15. I moved dinner up and put them to bed at 6:30. The evening went so much better than usual but bedtime was a disaster. They ended up getting to sleep almost 9:00 but they seem fine this morning so far. I guess it will take time for them to get used to the earlier bedtime. I will be moving nap time up another 30 minutes next week and also slowly shorten nap time by 30 minutes. Tonight I'm going to ask my husband to take them out right after dinner. Hopefully that will make them more willing to go to sleep at the earlier bedtime. Thanks to all for the great suggestions.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your husband simply needs to come home and immediately go into dad-mode. He can't sit on his phone. His decompression time is on the way home from work. Even if that's just a walk down the staircase in the house. Can he take two of the kids for a walk around the block when he gets home? Then you can have one kid "helping" in the kitchen while you prep dinner.

Was just reading through responses and this jumped out at me because YES, and also: so many men don't get this. My DH did this for years. He'd get home and he hated being immediately asked/expected to help with getting kids dinner, giving baths, tidying up rooms to get ready for bed, etc.

What he didn't understand was that (1) I didn't get any decompression time at all because I was going straight to daycare pickup from work and then straight home, and daycare was a 5 minute walk from work and we had an early pick-up time so I'd be hustling to get there. So yeah, no leisurely transition from work to mom mode.

And (2) decompression time can happen after kids are in bed if you are efficient and on top of things before then. The whole time I was doing evening routine, I'd be motivating myself with the thought of 7pm, when kids would be in bed and I could eat my own dinner and relax. It's not even late because little kids go to bed so early! DH would be dragging his feet on everything, postponing bath time by 15 minutes or staring at his phone instead of getting dinner on the table, and I'd be thinking "Every minute we postpone bedtime, the kids get grumpier and I lose out on relaxation time." He didn't understand that the routine existed to enable us to relax and decompress. He was being short sighted.

Now kids are older and it's different because we can actually relax with them after work some. They also go to bed later so it's no longer this question of trying to maximize adult time after their bedtime -- we have a more relaxed family time, eat dinner later, kids will even spend time playing on their own before we start bedtime routine.

But in my experience, ages 0-4 require you to really focus on that evening routine and prioritize your kids needs over your own until you can get them to bed. Because otherwise it's chaos. Kids that age will lose it if they are a little hungry or a little tired. This capacity improves with age but you can't expect a 2yo to roll with it if dinner is 30 minutes late or they are going to bed 30 minutes late. They just do not have the capacity.

[Anonymous]

Glad it helped in some ways op. Agree with others that a typical naptime is 1-3 or as they get older 1-2:30. Then bedtime around 7. and husband getting kids out of the house is a good idea. some sort of routine where he has to be responsible but you dont' have to listen to everything.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am a SAHM to three, two older toddlers and a preschooler. I am able to handle my days okay with no help. But the evenings are awful. My husband is scheduled to get home at 5:00 but in reality he gets home around 5:30-6:00.

Toddlers nap from 3:00-5:00 but lately it's been 3:00-5:30 because of husbands arrival time

I prep most meals on the weekends and finish cooking right after nap time.

When husband gets home. I am in the kitchen. We get kids up and he watches them while I finish cooking. But the screaming... he cannot handle them so they fight and scream and my nerves are totally fried.

He also cannot get dinner together so I don't know what to do. I feel like I need to be the one preparing meals and keeping the schedule on time. What can I do?

Yesterday we agreed going forward he would prepare dinner while I managed the kids. I cooked dinner in the afternoon, he heated it up at dinnertime and everything ran smoothly.

Tonight, I handled the kids as we agreed yesterday. I didn't want to be accused of nagging so I let him do dinner at his own pace. But 30 minutes before bedtime he had still not made any moves toward feeding the kids, so I just did it. They screamed of course while my attention was away from them. He sat on the couch on his phone and occasionally yelled at them to stop screaming. I could cry.. What can I do to stop the screaming. My nerves are completely frazzled.

Is it normal that they fight and scream all the time if I am not completely engaged with them?

They need to learn how to navigate the sibling bonds. However, it sounds like DH can't handle all three. I would rotate having him in the kitchen one night and just chopping for a cold dinner, then three nights of me in the kitchen with a different child each night.

[Anonymous]

OP, I'd do earlier naps, a snack around 3:30 or 4, cook dinner, have it ready and eat soon as dh gets home.

Then, family cleans up, playtime, bedtime with dh helping.