How do you respond to complaints from neighbors about elderly parent?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Say you aren’t the POA and give sister’s phone-email. She’s in denial because she’s not being bothered by the neighbors.

I'd do this.

A POA only letters after you can’t care for yourself and are incompetent. Even sister couldn’t fix this even if she wanted.

This is not completely true. A POA is effective immediately. This is why you have to careful about preparing the document while you are still competent to sign it but not giving it to the person before you need their help unless you trust them completely.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thanks for responses. Sister and CM are aware. I may give sister's number simply as a wake up call because she tends to minimize things. I haven't ignored their the neighbors. As I said I acknowledge and I don't gaslight them. I let them know she is worse for me, I am sorry and I am passing on the info to the professionals. I agree that I don't want to block them because I need to know if there is an emergency.I also may tell them I respect their wishes if they block her, but it may be helpful to tell her stop. I know one neighbor told her off a year ago for similar behavior and she didn't mess with her again as far as I know. She and my dad had a lot of conflict and I almost wonder if she is trying to get a need met by starting drama.

I pulled back when I realized my sister was the POA and not me. I now just give out her number and email and tell them that she is the POA and responsible.

[Anonymous]

OP, you sent your message -once- as a response. Once per neighbor. You don't owe them anything additional, and shouldn't ... since it might just keep the communication turning.

[Anonymous]

I would not share any diagnosis. I would simply listen and say you are sorry she bothered them, you will talk to her about it and you have no power to do anything.

My dad did the same thing and his hoa sent him a cease and desist letter and threatened to report him to police for a psych hold - so again, I would not give neighbors power to use anything against your parent.

[Anonymous]

She’s keeping the neighborhood spicy. I sort of love our cranky old lady! Ok not really, she’s pretty mean, hella racist, and has no self awareness.

But it gives the rest of us something to talk about!

No advice OP. I’m sorry about your mom.

[Anonymous]

Telling neighbours she might have dementia but nothing you can do. Nobody with dementia can live alone. Stop dumping on neighbours. I got added, without my knowledge, as the primary number on one of those personal alarms. My neighbour had dementia, would garden in the same place for hours, locked herself out of the car every week, couldn't get in the house because she was using the wrong key. The neighbours were expected to intervene. Give me a break.

[Anonymous]

Just say, I'm sorry. I have no power here. Then give each and every one of them your sister's cell number. You can't do anything. It's your sister's issue having the POA. She needs to really understand what is going on. She clearly thinks you're over reacting. And if she doesn't deal with it, no need for you to do anything either since you have intentionally not been given any power.

[Anonymous]

Just say “Why are you calling me? She’s a grown adult with freedom of speech. You have a problem, deal with her.”

[Anonymous]

So, your mom is sending email nastygrams to neighbors? What do they expect from you other than, "Sorry, but mom is old and cranky. Feel free to block her messages."? Is she threatening them in some way? Calling the cops on them? What can she possibly be doing that can't just be ignored?