Kids feelings on 50/50 week on week off split

[Anonymous]

I know two parents who bought two homes on the same block. Kids just had to switch a couple of houses down but the neighborhood, their friends, their commute to activités, etc were all the same.

[Anonymous]

We did not do that. I moved with the kids 45 minutes away. I could not have afforded a big house in the suburbs near my ex. Even with where I moved he was giving me money for two years, on top of child support. We always knew we would do the 80's model of Weekend Dad every other weekend. On the weekends he was not getting the kids he had them on Wednesdays from 3 (or whenever school let out) to 8pm (9pm when they were older and could stay up later).

I'd never even heard of the 50/50 thing until years later, and then once I did, asked the kids if they'd be interested in trying that, maybe over the summer to start. Both individually emphatically didn't want it. The closest we've ever gotten is when they have two weeks off school, doing one week with me and one week with him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think fifty fifty with parents living close by is great. My boyfriend does three to four days on and three to four days off and they live three blocks from each other.

Honestly I think week on week off would be better because going back and forth every few days seems a bit hectic but whatever it’s not my decision.

Anyway, the kids get to see each parent a lot and they are in the same area as their friends and schools regardless of where they are.

Friends of ours divorced but live down the street from each other. It worked for a few years and made school and extra curricular easy to get to. The kids now prefer mom's place over dad's, so spend more time there. Mom is interested in the kids, dad really never has been.

[Anonymous]

I am in my early 20s and spent my childhood dealing with this. It was horrible. From the outside it seemed great. Parents were amicable and I was "well adjusted" but the switching was so chaotic on the inside.
As a new mother, it seems so selfish to me to prioritize the parents desire for time with kid over the kids well being.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It is amazing for my kid. She has a full relationship with me and a full relationship with her father. Moreover, as we don’t have her all the time, we each try hard to make the time with her quality. It sound like you procreated with someone unworthy, I did not, and I’m so happy my daughter has both of these wonderful homes.

what a weird thing to be holier-than-thou about. you had a kid and got divorced, just like the rest of us.

[Anonymous]

Then, have the child live with the other parent and you can just visit. Problem solved.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We did not do that. I moved with the kids 45 minutes away. I could not have afforded a big house in the suburbs near my ex. Even with where I moved he was giving me money for two years, on top of child support. We always knew we would do the 80's model of Weekend Dad every other weekend. On the weekends he was not getting the kids he had them on Wednesdays from 3 (or whenever school let out) to 8pm (9pm when they were older and could stay up later).

I'd never even heard of the 50/50 thing until years later, and then once I did, asked the kids if they'd be interested in trying that, maybe over the summer to start. Both individually emphatically didn't want it. The closest we've ever gotten is when they have two weeks off school, doing one week with me and one week with him.

They probably said no to make you happy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We did not do that. I moved with the kids 45 minutes away. I could not have afforded a big house in the suburbs near my ex. Even with where I moved he was giving me money for two years, on top of child support. We always knew we would do the 80's model of Weekend Dad every other weekend. On the weekends he was not getting the kids he had them on Wednesdays from 3 (or whenever school let out) to 8pm (9pm when they were older and could stay up later).

I'd never even heard of the 50/50 thing until years later, and then once I did, asked the kids if they'd be interested in trying that, maybe over the summer to start. Both individually emphatically didn't want it. The closest we've ever gotten is when they have two weeks off school, doing one week with me and one week with him.

They probably said no to make you happy.

Lol, highly doubt it - they know they are free to say whatever they want and have proven that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We did not do that. I moved with the kids 45 minutes away. I could not have afforded a big house in the suburbs near my ex. Even with where I moved he was giving me money for two years, on top of child support. We always knew we would do the 80's model of Weekend Dad every other weekend. On the weekends he was not getting the kids he had them on Wednesdays from 3 (or whenever school let out) to 8pm (9pm when they were older and could stay up later).

I'd never even heard of the 50/50 thing until years later, and then once I did, asked the kids if they'd be interested in trying that, maybe over the summer to start. Both individually emphatically didn't want it. The closest we've ever gotten is when they have two weeks off school, doing one week with me and one week with him.

They probably said no to make you happy.

Lol, highly doubt it - they know they are free to say whatever they want and have proven that.

St kids tell their parents what they want to hear. If you make comments verbally or nonverbally kids see and hear that and naturally want to plase. It’s sad you stopped their relationship with the other parent.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We did not do that. I moved with the kids 45 minutes away. I could not have afforded a big house in the suburbs near my ex. Even with where I moved he was giving me money for two years, on top of child support. We always knew we would do the 80's model of Weekend Dad every other weekend. On the weekends he was not getting the kids he had them on Wednesdays from 3 (or whenever school let out) to 8pm (9pm when they were older and could stay up later).

I'd never even heard of the 50/50 thing until years later, and then once I did, asked the kids if they'd be interested in trying that, maybe over the summer to start. Both individually emphatically didn't want it. The closest we've ever gotten is when they have two weeks off school, doing one week with me and one week with him.

They probably said no to make you happy.

Lol, highly doubt it - they know they are free to say whatever they want and have proven that.

St kids tell their parents what they want to hear. If you make comments verbally or nonverbally kids see and hear that and naturally want to plase. It’s sad you stopped their relationship with the other parent.

That's for little kids. Not older kids. And they have a great relationship with their dad. Weird to assume a kid can only have a relationship with someone if they live with them 50% of the time. So they have zero relationship with their teachers, coaches, friends, aunts, uncles, neighbors, etc., because they don't live with those people?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It is amazing for my kid. She has a full relationship with me and a full relationship with her father. Moreover, as we don’t have her all the time, we each try hard to make the time with her quality. It sound like you procreated with someone unworthy, I did not, and I’m so happy my daughter has both of these wonderful homes.

I don't even know where to begin with this one. Just Wow.

[Anonymous]

Kids feelings - it depends on so many things!

I’m separated doing 50/50. Kid seems to be doing well. Ex and l are both in such a better mood and more capable parents now that we’re out of the crazy stressful situation of living with someone we don’t get along with. We’re adults, we have to decide what is best for us and the kids and make the best of a tough situation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I know two parents who bought two homes on the same block. Kids just had to switch a couple of houses down but the neighborhood, their friends, their commute to activités, etc were all the same.

I know a few divorced families who did it this way or, if not on the same block, two blocks over. Walking distance for elementary kids and up. It's seemed to work really well, at least from what the moms (my friends) in both families tell me. Of course, it also requires a second parent willing to go along with that arrangement.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:there is no schedule that is good for kids for the record... signed someone that was raised in a divorced family. Once they get to the age where they spend a lot of time with friends, living in two houses is a nightmare - there really isn't a schedule that solves that issue.

I think for the 50/50 split though the best option is the “5-2-2-5”. One parent has Mondays and Tuesdays overnight. The other parent has Wednesdays and Thursdays overnight. The parents alternate the Friday-Saturday-Sunday overnights each week. If you are the Wednesday-Thursday parent, you have Wednesday-Thursday-Friday-Saturday-Sunday one week (that’s the first 5) and Wednesday-Thursday the other week (that’s the second 2). The other parent has Monday-Tuesday the first week (that’s the first 2) and Friday-Saturday-Sunday-Monday-Tuesday the second week (that’s the second 5).

This is what my lawyer suggested during mediation. It's better for younger kids also who have less of a concept of time/weeks/weekends.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It is amazing for my kid. She has a full relationship with me and a full relationship with her father. Moreover, as we don’t have her all the time, we each try hard to make the time with her quality. It sound like you procreated with someone unworthy, I did not, and I’m so happy my daughter has both of these wonderful homes.

I don't even know where to begin with this one. Just Wow.

What, two parents working together to make sure each parent has a good relationship and time with their kids. Maybe you should learn from this.