DD forged parent signature

[Anonymous]

When I have caught my kid doing something wrong, I usually ask him what the punishment should be (since K). He is usually more harsh than I am. Sometimes I go with his suggestion, sometimes not. Taking TV away was a good one for him. OP: A month and a birthday party seems too much and one should never threaten what you can't keep. I also believe that if you did something bad, you now have to do something good to balance it - which might be something you don't like to do.

My son had to take over watering the plants for a month for one punishment (they get watered once a week.)
For another, he got stuck taking out the regular trash for a week.

I am very strict with my son, but sometimes things happen. OP: I am not sure what you mean by DD not showing you the assignment on-time. Sometimes things happen; sometimes even grown-ups forget to do things. Better that you discuss what to do the next time to handle this situation. I would rather my son tell me when he failed to do something (he still might get consequences) than try to be dishonest with me and others. I would rather know something was wrong and not punish too harshly for honesty than be so afraid that he would cover-up his mistake.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When confronted, DD admitted to me that she "signed for mom" on a school assignment sheet because she was afraid that I would get mad at her for not showing me the sheet on time. She is 7 year old. As a punishment, I suspended her tv privilage for a month, cancelled her birthday party. Shall I inform her teacher - I think the teacher should know but am afraid she will be labeled as a liar in the eyes of her teacher.

As a child I was told if I did something wrong, I'd better tell the truth and there might be puishment, but if I told a lie there really would be punishment. I never deluded myself that parents, teachers wouldn't find out if I lied. Your DD is 7 years old and she lied to her teacher, her mother, and there should be punishment severe enough to let her know that it is not acceptable to lie. Cancelling her birthday party may have been harsh but she learned one of life's most important lessons.

Good for you for being what a parent should be and teaching your 7-year old now, instead of at 17, that lies will not be tolerated.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When I have caught my kid doing something wrong, I usually ask him what the punishment should be (since K). He is usually more harsh than I am. Sometimes I go with his suggestion, sometimes not. Taking TV away was a good one for him. OP: A month and a birthday party seems too much and one should never threaten what you can't keep. I also believe that if you did something bad, you now have to do something good to balance it - which might be something you don't like to do.

My son had to take over watering the plants for a month for one punishment (they get watered once a week.)
For another, he got stuck taking out the regular trash for a week.

I am very strict with my son, but sometimes things happen. OP: I am not sure what you mean by DD not showing you the assignment on-time. Sometimes things happen; sometimes even grown-ups forget to do things. Better that you discuss what to do the next time to handle this situation. I would rather my son tell me when he failed to do something (he still might get consequences) than try to be dishonest with me and others. I would rather know something was wrong and not punish too harshly for honesty than be so afraid that he would cover-up his mistake.

How is taking out the trash and watering a plant once a week punishment? You don't give your children simple chores to do around the home.

Cancelling a birthday party isn't nearly as harsh as beng expelled from school for forging her mother's name.

[Anonymous]

In 1st grade, I used to sign my mom's name on all my spelling tests bc I would forget to give them to her to sign and we'd love 10 pts if we didnt get them signed. I'd tell her the next day and she never seemed to mind. I also signed most of my permission slips myself. To this day, my mom's and my signature look almost exactly alike bc I learned by copying hers.

[Anonymous]

I used to do this. And, I was definitely motivated by fear of my parents and afraid to disappoint them. My DD is still young, but my goal is to not foster this type of fear, etc. You want DD to come to you with her problems, not hide them from you. I think having her tell the teacher and no TV for a week are adequate. But, you need to stress to her that you love her no matter what grade she gets and that if she needs help, she should talk to you.

[Anonymous]

Your daughter is in deep trouble, not because of her behavior but because of your over reaction

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When I have caught my kid doing something wrong, I usually ask him what the punishment should be (since K). He is usually more harsh than I am. Sometimes I go with his suggestion, sometimes not. Taking TV away was a good one for him. OP: A month and a birthday party seems too much and one should never threaten what you can't keep. I also believe that if you did something bad, you now have to do something good to balance it - which might be something you don't like to do.

My son had to take over watering the plants for a month for one punishment (they get watered once a week.)
For another, he got stuck taking out the regular trash for a week.

I am very strict with my son, but sometimes things happen. OP: I am not sure what you mean by DD not showing you the assignment on-time. Sometimes things happen; sometimes even grown-ups forget to do things. Better that you discuss what to do the next time to handle this situation. I would rather my son tell me when he failed to do something (he still might get consequences) than try to be dishonest with me and others. I would rather know something was wrong and not punish too harshly for honesty than be so afraid that he would cover-up his mistake.

How is taking out the trash and watering a plant once a week punishment? You don't give your children simple chores to do around the home.

Cancelling a birthday party isn't nearly as harsh as beng expelled from school for forging her mother's name.

She's 7!!!!

[Anonymous]

OP here. Many, many thanks for all the responses, and for those who shared their experience. I took the advice and restored the birthday party. TV is still 4 wks off. The incident is a wake up call to my parenting style. DD is a good student and a sensitive kid. I thought I did not give her much pressure as I never set requirements for her scores. But I can be stern and impatient when she messes up, which apparently caused her to try to cover her mistake. I told her I love her no matter what, but covering up a mistake is worse than making a mistake, and honesty is above everthing. Meanwhile, I guess I would have to work on my parenting style.

[Anonymous]

You know, a lot of DCUM posters would just get defensive in the face of so much opposition to a parenting decision. I'm impressed by your self-reflection and willingness to accept the need to change. What a great attitude!

[Anonymous]

"How is taking out the trash and watering a plant once a week punishment? You don't give your children simple chores to do around the home."

My DS does get simple chores. A plant? Plants in our house are not a simple chore. I have about 100 plants in our house, some over 40 years old. It takes considerable time to water them all. This takes away from play time and tv time. Lugging water is work and he often spills water and has to clean up too. For him, this is a big effort.

He does take our the recycling, but does not like to handle the regular trash. We all have chores we like to do and ones we don't. The point is do something helpful to make up for doing something wrong. Sometimes the something helpful can be an effort.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When I have caught my kid doing something wrong, I usually ask him what the punishment should be (since K). He is usually more harsh than I am. Sometimes I go with his suggestion, sometimes not. Taking TV away was a good one for him. OP: A month and a birthday party seems too much and one should never threaten what you can't keep. I also believe that if you did something bad, you now have to do something good to balance it - which might be something you don't like to do.

My son had to take over watering the plants for a month for one punishment (they get watered once a week.)
For another, he got stuck taking out the regular trash for a week.

I am very strict with my son, but sometimes things happen. OP: I am not sure what you mean by DD not showing you the assignment on-time. Sometimes things happen; sometimes even grown-ups forget to do things. Better that you discuss what to do the next time to handle this situation. I would rather my son tell me when he failed to do something (he still might get consequences) than try to be dishonest with me and others. I would rather know something was wrong and not punish too harshly for honesty than be so afraid that he would cover-up his mistake.

How is taking out the trash and watering a plant once a week punishment? You don't give your children simple chores to do around the home.

Cancelling a birthday party isn't nearly as harsh as beng expelled from school for forging her mother's name.

She's 7!!!![/quote

Many schools have a "zero tolerance" policy for many infractions and any age.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Many, many thanks for all the responses, and for those who shared their experience. I took the advice and restored the birthday party. TV is still 4 wks off. The incident is a wake up call to my parenting style. DD is a good student and a sensitive kid. I thought I did not give her much pressure as I never set requirements for her scores. But I can be stern and impatient when she messes up, which apparently caused her to try to cover her mistake. I told her I love her no matter what, but covering up a mistake is worse than making a mistake, and honesty is above everthing. Meanwhile, I guess I would have to work on my parenting style.

Good for you!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When confronted, DD admitted to me that she "signed for mom" on a school assignment sheet because she was afraid that I would get mad at her for not showing me the sheet on time. She is 7 year old. As a punishment, I suspended her tv privilage for a month, cancelled her birthday party. Shall I inform her teacher - I think the teacher should know but am afraid she will be labeled as a liar in the eyes of her teacher.

Why stop there? Strip her of her clothing and make stand on the front lawn carrying a sign she made out of the permission. Never underestimate the power of total humiliation.

Seriously though, we all go to far with our punishments and even as housecoat lady, I would never do this. I feel your pain as when the kids get to be 7,8,9,10,11 it really can take your breath away as they escalate with the behaviour and you have to resist over reacting. Sometimes if I can really force everyone to sit down and have a team or family meeting to ask kids what strategies might work to make family life more organized so that you won't get behind on chores or she won't feel so over whelmed that she can't find time to ask you to sign a permission slip. This is a time management issue as much as it is a discipline issue.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:In 1st grade, I used to sign my mom's name on all my spelling tests bc I would forget to give them to her to sign and we'd love 10 pts if we didnt get them signed. I'd tell her the next day and she never seemed to mind. I also signed most of my permission slips myself. To this day, my mom's and my signature look almost exactly alike bc I learned by copying hers.

LOL!

[Anonymous]

The punishment should fit the crime. No TV for a month and no BD party are unrelated to the offense, and too harsh as well.

She will be embarassed and humiliated to have to admit what she did to the teacher. So I definitely think she should have to fess up (in private) to the teacher. You should also tell her that by lying, you can no longer trust her, and she will have to earn your trust again by having honest behavior in the future. I am not sure what an appropriate punishment might be, that is related to honesty....