Get despised on paying others to teach my kid foreign language

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I guess I don’t understand. Nobody speaks Mandarin fluently in your home so it’s unlikely DC will ever be fluent. They had a chance to be fluent in Cantonese but you gave up.

Why don’t you cram it? You are the worst kind of poster here, a grimy, smug, truly mean-spirited jerk. You’re a bad person. Nasty, enjoying leaving little turd comments designed to wear on an OPs admitted tender spots. Go screw. Go away. No one wants you here.

And to other naysayers, it seems clear supplemental language study is often a very good thing for anyone. I started French in my 30s and took to it with an excellent accent. The point? I was an adult learner. Who knows what her kids are capable of? All we know is that her friends who made these comments are losers. OP, you deserve better friends. If you can handle it, just cut the biggest jerk off. This kind of picking at you is by design to make you feel awful, as if you’ve failed in your identity and parenting. But you haven’t. Many parents can’t teach their kids how to bike ride, or how to get through math. This isn’t different, no matter how many Dr. Moms claim otherwise because they read something on parents.com in 2009. Ignore!

Um, okay. OP was wondering why people were disparaging her for paying for a Mandarin instruction. It just makes no sense to give up on the Cantonese when at least OP is fluent but pour money into Mandarin when neither is fluent. If the goal is for the child to have fluency in their culture’s language, that is.

[Anonymous]

So many kids go to language schools on the weekends, from families who speak to them in their mother tongue. I doubt people care as much as you think they do. Stop worrying about this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I guess I don’t understand. Nobody speaks Mandarin fluently in your home so it’s unlikely DC will ever be fluent. They had a chance to be fluent in Cantonese but you gave up.

Why don’t you cram it? You are the worst kind of poster here, a grimy, smug, truly mean-spirited jerk. You’re a bad person. Nasty, enjoying leaving little turd comments designed to wear on an OPs admitted tender spots. Go screw. Go away. No one wants you here.

And to other naysayers, it seems clear supplemental language study is often a very good thing for anyone. I started French in my 30s and took to it with an excellent accent. The point? I was an adult learner. Who knows what her kids are capable of? All we know is that her friends who made these comments are losers. OP, you deserve better friends. If you can handle it, just cut the biggest jerk off. This kind of picking at you is by design to make you feel awful, as if you’ve failed in your identity and parenting. But you haven’t. Many parents can’t teach their kids how to bike ride, or how to get through math. This isn’t different, no matter how many Dr. Moms claim otherwise because they read something on parents.com in 2009. Ignore!

Wow! You are FAR more grimy, smug, truly mean -spririted, etc. than the person you quoted.

The person you quoted is correct and there is nothing wrong with what they said. Being the type of person that you are, you must have "read into it" in the same nastiness that you project. What a terrible way to go through life.

[Anonymous]

I'm not Chinese, but am teaching my kid my 2nd language. Growing up, every Chinese person I knew went to Chinese school on Saturdays (same with friends who went to Hebrew school). Is that not a thing here in the DC area?

I've bought a lot of tools for my kids like flashcards and workbooks. We do those regularly. I focus on at least one new word a day and try to speak Spanish as much as possible. I am not totally fluent, but it was my double major. Something also that's fun is that Netflix can show all their favorite shows in Spanish. I often see Mandarin as an option (could be cantonese? I can't read the characters).

Also, no shame in paying others. I mean most people pay for swim classes or dance lessons

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I guess I don’t understand. Nobody speaks Mandarin fluently in your home so it’s unlikely DC will ever be fluent. They had a chance to be fluent in Cantonese but you gave up.

Why don’t you cram it? You are the worst kind of poster here, a grimy, smug, truly mean-spirited jerk. You’re a bad person. Nasty, enjoying leaving little turd comments designed to wear on an OPs admitted tender spots. Go screw. Go away. No one wants you here.

And to other naysayers, it seems clear supplemental language study is often a very good thing for anyone. I started French in my 30s and took to it with an excellent accent. The point? I was an adult learner. Who knows what her kids are capable of? All we know is that her friends who made these comments are losers. OP, you deserve better friends. If you can handle it, just cut the biggest jerk off. This kind of picking at you is by design to make you feel awful, as if you’ve failed in your identity and parenting. But you haven’t. Many parents can’t teach their kids how to bike ride, or how to get through math. This isn’t different, no matter how many Dr. Moms claim otherwise because they read something on parents.com in 2009. Ignore!

Wow! You are FAR more grimy, smug, truly mean -spririted, etc. than the person you quoted.

The person you quoted is correct and there is nothing wrong with what they said. Being the type of person that you are, you must have "read into it" in the same nastiness that you project. What a terrible way to go through life.

Like, wow! OMG! Yes, you twits, or another word, are serenely accurate with what you wrote. Get bent. You’re as bad as the shitheads making fun of OP’s English.

It feels wonderful telling off assholes who pull this kind of commentary on another mom trying to do something for her children. I was dead on with what I wrote, and I’m glad to see it’s broadly applicable to you, too.

[Anonymous]

You are burdened with the idea that a parent must teach their kids their mother tongue. Let go of the guilt. Not every parent can teach, not every child can learn and there may not be any big advantages. If they really want to, they’ll learn in high school or as adults.

As far as spending your money on outsourcing something you want done is your right and you don’t owe anyone any explanation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I guess I don’t understand. Nobody speaks Mandarin fluently in your home so it’s unlikely DC will ever be fluent. They had a chance to be fluent in Cantonese but you gave up.

Why don’t you cram it? You are the worst kind of poster here, a grimy, smug, truly mean-spirited jerk. You’re a bad person. Nasty, enjoying leaving little turd comments designed to wear on an OPs admitted tender spots. Go screw. Go away. No one wants you here.

And to other naysayers, it seems clear supplemental language study is often a very good thing for anyone. I started French in my 30s and took to it with an excellent accent. The point? I was an adult learner. Who knows what her kids are capable of? All we know is that her friends who made these comments are losers. OP, you deserve better friends. If you can handle it, just cut the biggest jerk off. This kind of picking at you is by design to make you feel awful, as if you’ve failed in your identity and parenting. But you haven’t. Many parents can’t teach their kids how to bike ride, or how to get through math. This isn’t different, no matter how many Dr. Moms claim otherwise because they read something on parents.com in 2009. Ignore!

Wow! You are FAR more grimy, smug, truly mean -spririted, etc. than the person you quoted.

The person you quoted is correct and there is nothing wrong with what they said. Being the type of person that you are, you must have "read into it" in the same nastiness that you project. What a terrible way to go through life.

Of course there is something wrong with what they said. "You gave up" is the epitome of judgement. Can I tell you that you must be an expert on gaslighting? I pity your kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I guess I don’t understand. Nobody speaks Mandarin fluently in your home so it’s unlikely DC will ever be fluent. They had a chance to be fluent in Cantonese but you gave up.

Why don’t you cram it? You are the worst kind of poster here, a grimy, smug, truly mean-spirited jerk. You’re a bad person. Nasty, enjoying leaving little turd comments designed to wear on an OPs admitted tender spots. Go screw. Go away. No one wants you here.

And to other naysayers, it seems clear supplemental language study is often a very good thing for anyone. I started French in my 30s and took to it with an excellent accent. The point? I was an adult learner. Who knows what her kids are capable of? All we know is that her friends who made these comments are losers. OP, you deserve better friends. If you can handle it, just cut the biggest jerk off. This kind of picking at you is by design to make you feel awful, as if you’ve failed in your identity and parenting. But you haven’t. Many parents can’t teach their kids how to bike ride, or how to get through math. This isn’t different, no matter how many Dr. Moms claim otherwise because they read something on parents.com in 2009. Ignore!

As an Asian immigrant, I also want to add that Chinese and Cantonese speakers are super judgmental when it comes to identity and if your child doesn't speak those languages well, it's like an insult to the community and they'll think of your child as a banana. There was so much flak against the Asian-American Winter Olympics athletes when not all of them could converse in Mandarin and that was really sad.

+1. Not all children are compliant about only speaking in native language to parents. If one parent is American born you are doubly screwed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My kids do not speak my home language (cantonese). I tried and gave up a few times over the last few years, and I decide to give it a try again.

I decide to drop my home language (Cantonese) idea because DH could not help (he can't speak or understand). We have made a final choice which is to teach them a foreign language (Mandarin) which is my 3rd language & my DH's second language. I can read and write, but I can't speak or understand well. DH cannot read or write, but he can speak and understand some (worse than me). At least, team work works better than working solo in my eyes. Well, it still does not go well, so we decide to pay someone to teach them.

I get despised on when I share that with others. They don't understand why we have to pay someone, that is wasting money to pay someone to do that. They say that all of their children speak their native tongue without paying a dime because they speak to them when they were small. I told them that I knew a few friends did the same things paying professional teacher to teach mandarin, and it worked well. And, those few friends are chinese that speak Mandarin as first language. I feel sad that they laughed at me, and what jerks they were.

Your friends are too judgy; we spoke 100% Mandarin to our kids when they were little and they were fluent as well, but as soon as they transitioned into elementary school they rather speak English and lost quite a bit of their Mandarin.

Don't feel bad, our kids go to Chinese school on Sundays and I have friends that do Lingoace online to match their schedule. I rather outsource it than to have them fight me. With that said, regular exposure at home is important. Have you tried youtube videos/songs or shows/movies in Mandarin?

[Anonymous]

Everyone's family has different needs. If you know what you want/need to do but let someone's judgment change your plans, that is when you fail.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:every immigrant I know (and I am one) complains how difficult it is to teach children their parents' language. speaking to them is not enough. once kids start school, the quickly lose vocabulary in their parents' language. it is ok to pay someone to help. good luck!

What? This is untrue for all of my Chinese friends and family. We all speak Cantonese, as do our children. They go to Chinese school on Saturday, but other than that we all learned the same way at home from birth through our parents and grandparents.

Keep trying to teach them Cantonese, OP. Nothing wrong with getting help, too.