Formal Dinner Party

[Anonymous]

We don’t do formal, but we do nibbles, sometimes a starter, a main and dessert, everything always homemade. I don’t enjoy formality, and we don’t have of wang start in our house. The kids make dessert, which makes it manageable. If we do a starter it id something made in advance. For the main we try to do something that doesn’t require a lot of work at the end. Stews, curries, carnitas etc

[Anonymous]

Yes. December was my last party.

Love planning, creating a stunning table, the mad rush in the last hour before guests arrive, hand washing the vintage china, crystal, and silver, trying to catch snippets of every conversation at the table, using my mad organizational skills to make it all come together.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t have household staff- so no.

Otherwise it is too hard to be formal, both in dress and dining, when you are the one doing all the cooking, plating, serving, cleaning and cleaning up- oh and being hostess and socializing and being pleasant while looking like you aren’t busy doing a bunch of work

You can do it! It’s all about menu planning. And caftans. And dim lighting.

Also there is a great company called Party Hands where you can hire one or a few lovely people to help.

Yeah, PP! What the posters are saying is that if you're rich and have a fully-stocked kitchen, no limits to spending on quality drinks, premade luxury desserts or main courses, and hire staff, it's really easy, and how stupid do you have to be to not want to do this?!!

You're not allowed to be poor, socially-anxious or executive functioning-challenged. It's so easy!!!

Babe, this thread is literally about *formal dinner parties.* Did you drunkenly stumble in from the Tortinos and Boxed Wine in My Studio Apartment thread?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t have household staff- so no.

Otherwise it is too hard to be formal, both in dress and dining, when you are the one doing all the cooking, plating, serving, cleaning and cleaning up- oh and being hostess and socializing and being pleasant while looking like you aren’t busy doing a bunch of work

You can do it! It’s all about menu planning. And caftans. And dim lighting.

Also there is a great company called Party Hands where you can hire one or a few lovely people to help.

Yeah, PP! What the posters are saying is that if you're rich and have a fully-stocked kitchen, no limits to spending on quality drinks, premade luxury desserts or main courses, and hire staff, it's really easy, and how stupid do you have to be to not want to do this?!!

You're not allowed to be poor, socially-anxious or executive functioning-challenged. It's so easy!!!

Babe, this thread is literally about *formal dinner parties.* Did you drunkenly stumble in from the Tortinos and Boxed Wine in My Studio Apartment thread?

OMG. Thank you for the laugh!!!

[Anonymous]

We used to, but not since the pandemic.

[Anonymous]

Yes, I enjoy them. It's still work, but it's also not as much work as some people might think.

Things like appetizers and cheese and crackers and olives are easily prepped / outsourced. For the mains I usually roast a chicken or make something that can be done in advance and warmed up like chicken marengo, or a coulibiac. I've noticed people love anything involving a crust. Set a pretty table. Open nice bottles of wine (and I don't even drink) and you're there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We don’t do formal, but we do nibbles, sometimes a starter, a main and dessert, everything always homemade. I don’t enjoy formality, and we don’t have of wang start in our house. The kids make dessert, which makes it manageable. If we do a starter it id something made in advance. For the main we try to do something that doesn’t require a lot of work at the end. Stews, curries, carnitas etc

What's a wang start?

[Anonymous]

No. For me, formal means “hostess spends all the money, does all the work, expends all the time, and basically spends several hours preparing for a dinner that takes 30 minutes to eat, and then she has to clean up.”

Since late last year, we’ve been hosting informal dinner every weekend or every other weekend, but everyone contributes. One of my friends makes great cocktails, one always gets something savory from Whole Foods, another likes to bring fruit and cheese, and I do a simple main course. (This weekend I made a whole wheat pasta Alfredo with green beans). I like sharing the burden of the entire meal, drinks, and dessert.

I certainly don’t begrudge anybody who enjoys hosting formal dinners, but they stress me out! I love a much more informal model of hosting.

[Anonymous]

We do this once a month, even (mostly - not at the very start, but eventually) during covid. 4 couples, the couple who hosts makes the entree and provides wine or sangria or margaritas or whatever, one couple brings appetizers, one sides and one dessert. Since we rotate every month, everyone rotates who makes what when.

Has helped jeep me sane the past 2 years.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t have household staff- so no.

Otherwise it is too hard to be formal, both in dress and dining, when you are the one doing all the cooking, plating, serving, cleaning and cleaning up- oh and being hostess and socializing and being pleasant while looking like you aren’t busy doing a bunch of work

…nope. Don’t you know how to make things ahead? Many main dishes like coq au vin can be made ahead; so can basically any appetizer or dessert

Let me guess, you think you have to make every little thing from scratch? Even Ina Garten says you should focus on making one or two things, and fill in with good-quality store bought instead of working yourself into a froth.

As in cocktail hour can be a pitcher of homemade sangria (made the day before) and some good-quality cheese and Marcona almonds. Soup can be made ahead, and so can salad (lightly dress before serving, no big deal). Pre-marinated salmon can cook during first course, served along with asparagus and roasted potatoes, no big deal. Then a beautiful dessert from the best bakery in town.

Like, this isn’t rocket science.

Oh awesome! So I can spend the two days prior stuck in kitchen cooking! It doesn’t make it less work to “do ahead” you are simply doing the work at a different time. And yes, I do make everything from scratch. I don’t consider it a formal dinner party if I’m serving cheese and crackers and Costco frozen apps and store bought dessert.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t have household staff- so no.

Otherwise it is too hard to be formal, both in dress and dining, when you are the one doing all the cooking, plating, serving, cleaning and cleaning up- oh and being hostess and socializing and being pleasant while looking like you aren’t busy doing a bunch of work

…nope. Don’t you know how to make things ahead? Many main dishes like coq au vin can be made ahead; so can basically any appetizer or dessert

Let me guess, you think you have to make every little thing from scratch? Even Ina Garten says you should focus on making one or two things, and fill in with good-quality store bought instead of working yourself into a froth.

As in cocktail hour can be a pitcher of homemade sangria (made the day before) and some good-quality cheese and Marcona almonds. Soup can be made ahead, and so can salad (lightly dress before serving, no big deal). Pre-marinated salmon can cook during first course, served along with asparagus and roasted potatoes, no big deal. Then a beautiful dessert from the best bakery in town.

Like, this isn’t rocket science.

Oh awesome! So I can spend the two days prior stuck in kitchen cooking! It doesn’t make it less work to “do ahead” you are simply doing the work at a different time. And yes, I do make everything from scratch. I don’t consider it a formal dinner party if I’m serving cheese and crackers and Costco frozen apps and store bought dessert.

You sound like the hapless type who uses a recipe for every little thing, stresses out and never improvises. If making sangria a day ahead is some Hurculean task, hosting will always be hard for you, and yes your guests sense your fear and strain.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t have household staff- so no.

Otherwise it is too hard to be formal, both in dress and dining, when you are the one doing all the cooking, plating, serving, cleaning and cleaning up- oh and being hostess and socializing and being pleasant while looking like you aren’t busy doing a bunch of work

…nope. Don’t you know how to make things ahead? Many main dishes like coq au vin can be made ahead; so can basically any appetizer or dessert

Let me guess, you think you have to make every little thing from scratch? Even Ina Garten says you should focus on making one or two things, and fill in with good-quality store bought instead of working yourself into a froth.

As in cocktail hour can be a pitcher of homemade sangria (made the day before) and some good-quality cheese and Marcona almonds. Soup can be made ahead, and so can salad (lightly dress before serving, no big deal). Pre-marinated salmon can cook during first course, served along with asparagus and roasted potatoes, no big deal. Then a beautiful dessert from the best bakery in town.

Like, this isn’t rocket science.

The topic is “formal” dinner party. Which I don’t have. I do host plenty of casual dinner parties with all homemade stuff I make that day or some light prep the day before- but it is casual and enjoyed by all.

Oh awesome! So I can spend the two days prior stuck in kitchen cooking! It doesn’t make it less work to “do ahead” you are simply doing the work at a different time. And yes, I do make everything from scratch. I don’t consider it a formal dinner party if I’m serving cheese and crackers and Costco frozen apps and store bought dessert.

You sound like the hapless type who uses a recipe for every little thing, stresses out and never improvises. If making sangria a day ahead is some Hurculean task, hosting will always be hard for you, and yes your guests sense your fear and strain.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t have household staff- so no.

Otherwise it is too hard to be formal, both in dress and dining, when you are the one doing all the cooking, plating, serving, cleaning and cleaning up- oh and being hostess and socializing and being pleasant while looking like you aren’t busy doing a bunch of work

…nope. Don’t you know how to make things ahead? Many main dishes like coq au vin can be made ahead; so can basically any appetizer or dessert

Let me guess, you think you have to make every little thing from scratch? Even Ina Garten says you should focus on making one or two things, and fill in with good-quality store bought instead of working yourself into a froth.

As in cocktail hour can be a pitcher of homemade sangria (made the day before) and some good-quality cheese and Marcona almonds. Soup can be made ahead, and so can salad (lightly dress before serving, no big deal). Pre-marinated salmon can cook during first course, served along with asparagus and roasted potatoes, no big deal. Then a beautiful dessert from the best bakery in town.

Like, this isn’t rocket science.

Oh awesome! So I can spend the two days prior stuck in kitchen cooking! It doesn’t make it less work to “do ahead” you are simply doing the work at a different time. And yes, I do make everything from scratch. I don’t consider it a formal dinner party if I’m serving cheese and crackers and Costco frozen apps and store bought dessert.

You don't sound like you're the formal dinner party type. I mean, you're being snarky and having a hissy fit just reading the thread. Give up and move on. We'll all be happier.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t have household staff- so no.

Otherwise it is too hard to be formal, both in dress and dining, when you are the one doing all the cooking, plating, serving, cleaning and cleaning up- oh and being hostess and socializing and being pleasant while looking like you aren’t busy doing a bunch of work

…nope. Don’t you know how to make things ahead? Many main dishes like coq au vin can be made ahead; so can basically any appetizer or dessert

Let me guess, you think you have to make every little thing from scratch? Even Ina Garten says you should focus on making one or two things, and fill in with good-quality store bought instead of working yourself into a froth.

As in cocktail hour can be a pitcher of homemade sangria (made the day before) and some good-quality cheese and Marcona almonds. Soup can be made ahead, and so can salad (lightly dress before serving, no big deal). Pre-marinated salmon can cook during first course, served along with asparagus and roasted potatoes, no big deal. Then a beautiful dessert from the best bakery in town.

Like, this isn’t rocket science.

Oh awesome! So I can spend the two days prior stuck in kitchen cooking! It doesn’t make it less work to “do ahead” you are simply doing the work at a different time. And yes, I do make everything from scratch. I don’t consider it a formal dinner party if I’m serving cheese and crackers and Costco frozen apps and store bought dessert.

I think there's an in between of making everything from scratch and frozen Costco appetizers. I can make my own focaccia but sometimes I do buy a fresh one from a local bakery and serve it with a homemade chutney. I don't think most people would consider that some cheap lazy hack. But I think by putting these impossible standards on yourself and others you're missing out FWIW.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t have household staff- so no.

Otherwise it is too hard to be formal, both in dress and dining, when you are the one doing all the cooking, plating, serving, cleaning and cleaning up- oh and being hostess and socializing and being pleasant while looking like you aren’t busy doing a bunch of work

…nope. Don’t you know how to make things ahead? Many main dishes like coq au vin can be made ahead; so can basically any appetizer or dessert

Let me guess, you think you have to make every little thing from scratch? Even Ina Garten says you should focus on making one or two things, and fill in with good-quality store bought instead of working yourself into a froth.

As in cocktail hour can be a pitcher of homemade sangria (made the day before) and some good-quality cheese and Marcona almonds. Soup can be made ahead, and so can salad (lightly dress before serving, no big deal). Pre-marinated salmon can cook during first course, served along with asparagus and roasted potatoes, no big deal. Then a beautiful dessert from the best bakery in town.

Like, this isn’t rocket science.

Oh awesome! So I can spend the two days prior stuck in kitchen cooking! It doesn’t make it less work to “do ahead” you are simply doing the work at a different time. And yes, I do make everything from scratch. I don’t consider it a formal dinner party if I’m serving cheese and crackers and Costco frozen apps and store bought dessert.

I think there's an in between of making everything from scratch and frozen Costco appetizers. I can make my own focaccia but sometimes I do buy a fresh one from a local bakery and serve it with a homemade chutney. I don't think most people would consider that some cheap lazy hack. But I think by putting these impossible standards on yourself and others you're missing out FWIW.

+1 And I think the person you're responding to may subconsciously know that and it is what is driving the smarminess in her post. Unfortunately, she's hurting herself, not anyone else.