Nesting- does it work long term?

[Anonymous]

I’m 7 months in to nesting. So far so good. It’s been great for our kid and fine for the adults - so much better than being pissed off all the time. We have a nine year old. The house has 3 bedrooms so we never have to move our stuff in / out of the our bedrooms in the house We have a housekeeper who comes every 2 weeks, same as before separating, otherwise it would be impossible as my ex is very messy.

We are renting a furnished studio apartment (accessory dwelling unit) a few doors down from the house. That one we both clean ourselves before switching every week. It’s manageable because it’s tiny. It’s a good solution for now, l think because neither of us is interested in dating for a really long time or getting remarried. If we were l think that could become a problem.

[Anonymous]

Not if you ever want to have a relationship with someone else.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I know a couple who did this with a duplex house. It is a poly situation where the original parents now each live with a new partner and all combinations of adults have parented children. Kids stay in the same room each night and parents work together to carpool kids, make breakfast, pack lunches, feed kids dinner. So kids sleep in the same bed 7 days a week but might go nextdoor for a meal or just to hang out. It’s lasts 10+ years and all the kids seem fine. Frankly I am sometimes jealous because with 4 adults on kid duty, all the adults get time to workout, go on dates, and have kid free vacations.

Um this sounds amazing

[Anonymous]

We are in year 4 of nesting. We each have a separate room so we have our own designated "space".

Logistics:
- We have a cleaners that clean everything but our kids rooms'- they are responsible for doing that. We pay someone to mow the yard.
- We have to "prep" for parent switch days meaning... house is picked up, laundry is done, dishes are put away etc. There are times one runs the dishwasher and the other unloads it which isn't a big deal.
- Who ever is at the house for the week gets groceries, tp, etc.
- We drew up a legal doc detailing how expenses, etc are shared. What would happen if one person defaulted on payment, what happens when the last kid goes to college (sell house and any profit from the sale goes to the kids trust funds.
- We split the mortgage, taxes, home repair expenses 50/50. We actually have a shared account where each person contributes 50% (we created a budget) and use that account to pay for things. If there is a major expense (AC replacement) then we have contribute 50/50
- xDH has an apartment when he's not at the house
- I rent a room from a friend (she's single) or i use that time to travel for work. COVID made things interesting, for sure.


Kids like knowing they don't have to go house to house and love being in "their" rooms, have one house to invite friends to. I do see my ex more that i'd like to and we do have to discuss finances, chores, etc. but we try to remain flexible. I will be very honest and say that I do look forward to when my youngest goes to college and I have my own permanent home- not just a 50% home.

[Anonymous]

We did it for part of our separation and it was fine. We did not continue after divorce but in retrospect, I think it would have worked long term and it would have been less hassle than 2 houses. Neither of us want to remarry. We could have done it 12 years until second kid goes to college.

Most divorced couples probably could not do it long term. It would have worked for us though.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We are in year 4 of nesting. We each have a separate room so we have our own designated "space".

Logistics:
- We have a cleaners that clean everything but our kids rooms'- they are responsible for doing that. We pay someone to mow the yard.
- We have to "prep" for parent switch days meaning... house is picked up, laundry is done, dishes are put away etc. There are times one runs the dishwasher and the other unloads it which isn't a big deal.
- Who ever is at the house for the week gets groceries, tp, etc.
- We drew up a legal doc detailing how expenses, etc are shared. What would happen if one person defaulted on payment, what happens when the last kid goes to college (sell house and any profit from the sale goes to the kids trust funds.
- We split the mortgage, taxes, home repair expenses 50/50. We actually have a shared account where each person contributes 50% (we created a budget) and use that account to pay for things. If there is a major expense (AC replacement) then we have contribute 50/50
- xDH has an apartment when he's not at the house
- I rent a room from a friend (she's single) or i use that time to travel for work. COVID made things interesting, for sure.


Kids like knowing they don't have to go house to house and love being in "their" rooms, have one house to invite friends to. I do see my ex more that i'd like to and we do have to discuss finances, chores, etc. but we try to remain flexible. I will be very honest and say that I do look forward to when my youngest goes to college and I have my own permanent home- not just a 50% home.

This sounds extremely unstable for everyone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We are in year 4 of nesting. We each have a separate room so we have our own designated "space".

Logistics:
- We have a cleaners that clean everything but our kids rooms'- they are responsible for doing that. We pay someone to mow the yard.
- We have to "prep" for parent switch days meaning... house is picked up, laundry is done, dishes are put away etc. There are times one runs the dishwasher and the other unloads it which isn't a big deal.
- Who ever is at the house for the week gets groceries, tp, etc.
- We drew up a legal doc detailing how expenses, etc are shared. What would happen if one person defaulted on payment, what happens when the last kid goes to college (sell house and any profit from the sale goes to the kids trust funds.
- We split the mortgage, taxes, home repair expenses 50/50. We actually have a shared account where each person contributes 50% (we created a budget) and use that account to pay for things. If there is a major expense (AC replacement) then we have contribute 50/50
- xDH has an apartment when he's not at the house
- I rent a room from a friend (she's single) or i use that time to travel for work. COVID made things interesting, for sure.


Kids like knowing they don't have to go house to house and love being in "their" rooms, have one house to invite friends to. I do see my ex more that i'd like to and we do have to discuss finances, chores, etc. but we try to remain flexible. I will be very honest and say that I do look forward to when my youngest goes to college and I have my own permanent home- not just a 50% home.

This sounds extremely unstable for everyone.

Not that PP but this does not sound "unstable" in the least. Kids stay home. Parents have their own lives. Stop judging.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We are in year 4 of nesting. We each have a separate room so we have our own designated "space".

Logistics:
- We have a cleaners that clean everything but our kids rooms'- they are responsible for doing that. We pay someone to mow the yard.
- We have to "prep" for parent switch days meaning... house is picked up, laundry is done, dishes are put away etc. There are times one runs the dishwasher and the other unloads it which isn't a big deal.
- Who ever is at the house for the week gets groceries, tp, etc.
- We drew up a legal doc detailing how expenses, etc are shared. What would happen if one person defaulted on payment, what happens when the last kid goes to college (sell house and any profit from the sale goes to the kids trust funds.
- We split the mortgage, taxes, home repair expenses 50/50. We actually have a shared account where each person contributes 50% (we created a budget) and use that account to pay for things. If there is a major expense (AC replacement) then we have contribute 50/50
- xDH has an apartment when he's not at the house
- I rent a room from a friend (she's single) or i use that time to travel for work. COVID made things interesting, for sure.


Kids like knowing they don't have to go house to house and love being in "their" rooms, have one house to invite friends to. I do see my ex more that i'd like to and we do have to discuss finances, chores, etc. but we try to remain flexible. I will be very honest and say that I do look forward to when my youngest goes to college and I have my own permanent home- not just a 50% home.

This sounds extremely unstable for everyone.

Agreed. Horrible plan even with all the so-called details. When I divorced, I wanted to MINIMIZE all interactions with ex-DH.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We are in year 4 of nesting. We each have a separate room so we have our own designated "space".

Logistics:
- We have a cleaners that clean everything but our kids rooms'- they are responsible for doing that. We pay someone to mow the yard.
- We have to "prep" for parent switch days meaning... house is picked up, laundry is done, dishes are put away etc. There are times one runs the dishwasher and the other unloads it which isn't a big deal.
- Who ever is at the house for the week gets groceries, tp, etc.
- We drew up a legal doc detailing how expenses, etc are shared. What would happen if one person defaulted on payment, what happens when the last kid goes to college (sell house and any profit from the sale goes to the kids trust funds.
- We split the mortgage, taxes, home repair expenses 50/50. We actually have a shared account where each person contributes 50% (we created a budget) and use that account to pay for things. If there is a major expense (AC replacement) then we have contribute 50/50
- xDH has an apartment when he's not at the house
- I rent a room from a friend (she's single) or i use that time to travel for work. COVID made things interesting, for sure.


Kids like knowing they don't have to go house to house and love being in "their" rooms, have one house to invite friends to. I do see my ex more that i'd like to and we do have to discuss finances, chores, etc. but we try to remain flexible. I will be very honest and say that I do look forward to when my youngest goes to college and I have my own permanent home- not just a 50% home.

This sounds extremely unstable for everyone.

OP here- unstable? Not at all. The kids think it's a lot more stable than going back and forth switching houses. It's not ideal for me and XDH but we put ourselves in this position, kids don't when they are asked to switch back and forth.