Birthday party etiquette

[Anonymous]

She should have invited all. That’s the right thing to do. Who cares if the moms are friends. The party isn’t for the moms.

[Anonymous]

People on this board are very firm that you should invite the whole class or all of one gender, no matter what.

I disagree and think for a kid's birthday party they should be allowed to invite whoever they enjoy spending time with. If two of the boys constantly tease them or leave them out of things, it seems reasonable to me to want to leave them out of a birthday party by the age of eight. At five, sure, give them a chance. But by eight you get to pick your friends.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Basically they invited 6 of the 8 boys. I know it wasn’t a mix up bc one of the other boys asked the birthday boy why he hadn’t invited ds and he said it never occurred to him. That’s understandable from an 8 yo boy but not from an adult. Agree I think half the boys would be acceptable - or half the whole class. But leaving out 2 feels crappy. And yes they have been invited to our parties - pre Covid when we had them

So it sounds like mom asked him who he wanted to invite and he rattled off a list of names. I think that's fine. Your kid isn't going to be invited to everything, and 8 is fine to learn that.

I try to make sure my kids invite the "whole group". However, no one is entitled to a birthday invite.

[Anonymous]

It’s crappy. It happened to me as a child and it still stings.

[Anonymous]

It's crappy, unless your kid is/was actively mean to the birthday boy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It’s crappy. It happened to me as a child and it still stings.

One time shouldn't have a lasting effect. It must have happened to you a lot, and that sucks, I'm really sorry.

[Anonymous]

6 kids seems like a small party, 8 does not.

[Anonymous]

I definitely don’t think my kid was mean to this kid. My kid does have adhd and you can tell and this kid has always been extremely mature and self regulating so I’m sure he just thinks my kid is annoying. I do think kids should be able to invite who they want. But I would personally tell my kid either just ask half the boys or all the boys. These kids have been at school together since they were two. Just feels ick. Maybe not wrong but just ick

[Anonymous]

Crappy OP. Hugs and I feel for you. My DC is constantly left out of parties at age 9 and it stings when other kids talk about their plans for the weekend at recess. DC is quiet and shy and never gets any reciprocal play dates.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I definitely don’t think my kid was mean to this kid. My kid does have adhd and you can tell and this kid has always been extremely mature and self regulating so I’m sure he just thinks my kid is annoying. I do think kids should be able to invite who they want. But I would personally tell my kid either just ask half the boys or all the boys. These kids have been at school together since they were two. Just feels ick. Maybe not wrong but just ick

Well, sadly, you just identified the answer.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I definitely don’t think my kid was mean to this kid. My kid does have adhd and you can tell and this kid has always been extremely mature and self regulating so I’m sure he just thinks my kid is annoying. I do think kids should be able to invite who they want. But I would personally tell my kid either just ask half the boys or all the boys. These kids have been at school together since they were two. Just feels ick. Maybe not wrong but just ick

Well, sadly, you just identified the answer.

The answer to what?
Whether it was crappy of the family?
No I didn’t. My kid having adhd doesn’t make it ‘ok’ to exclude him.
It may or may not be ok to do what this kid did. But my kid having adhd has nothing to do with the answer to that question

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:2 out of 8.

Eh, not as bad as the whole class. Either the parents are all friends or the kids are.

He is likely actually friends with those other 6 kids

[Anonymous]

“My kid having adhd doesn’t make it ‘ok’ to exclude him.
It may or may not be ok to do what this kid did. But my kid having adhd has nothing to do with the answer to that question”

Look I do not know who has adhd in my kids class or not. But there are some kids who are annoying to him. I am not going to make him invite them to his bday party. It is not like there are 10+ kids in this class. 6 boys invited us not a huge crowd. I think this mom was fine

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I definitely don’t think my kid was mean to this kid. My kid does have adhd and you can tell and this kid has always been extremely mature and self regulating so I’m sure he just thinks my kid is annoying. I do think kids should be able to invite who they want. But I would personally tell my kid either just ask half the boys or all the boys. These kids have been at school together since they were two. Just feels ick. Maybe not wrong but just ick

Well, sadly, you just identified the answer.

The answer to what?
Whether it was crappy of the family?
No I didn’t. My kid having adhd doesn’t make it ‘ok’ to exclude him.
It may or may not be ok to do what this kid did. But my kid having adhd has nothing to do with the answer to that question

The answer to why the kid didn’t invite your kid is because he thinks he’s annoying.

Obviously you think his parents should have overridden the boys preferences but this is the age when kids start having more input on who they invite.

[Anonymous]

Yeah at 8 kids get to pick who they want. At that age they are not friends with everyone in the class. Why should they have to invite someone just cause they’re the same gender? Maybe parents were like only invite the kids you actually play with and like from class. Maybe this kid actually just doesn’t click with your son and didn’t feel he wanted him at HIS party.

No matter the reason it’s not crappy. You don’t get invited to every party everyone is throwing. Teach your son birthday parties are for the birthday kid not to make those around him feel socially accepted.