Advice for DC who will be asked to sign a prenup

[Anonymous]

Think about scenarios where the rich spouse dies, and what happens to their assets and what the surviving spouse would inherit. Probably would want that to be more than just life insurance. If the surviving spouse would need a chunk of the inheritance (say surviving spouse was a SAHP), figure that out. If there’s a divorce, there must be a way to keep the parties from trying to hide assets. An experienced lawyer will know. Good for all of you for not taking it personally.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Think about scenarios where the rich spouse dies, and what happens to their assets and what the surviving spouse would inherit. Probably would want that to be more than just life insurance. If the surviving spouse would need a chunk of the inheritance (say surviving spouse was a SAHP), figure that out. If there’s a divorce, there must be a way to keep the parties from trying to hide assets. An experienced lawyer will know. Good for all of you for not taking it personally.

OP here. These are scenarios we are wondering about. Hard to say which parent would stay at home but would want surviving spouse to be able to care for kids. DH and I have lost siblings in their parenting prime and life for survivors can be a disaster!

[Anonymous]

The hard part of the prenup is the feeling like you should agree to anything because it will never matter because you love each other sooooo much. Make sure your DC (especially if the probably SAHP) has an excellent lawyer. I do not think a prenup is a red flag, I think a *bad* or in any way *coercive* prenup is a red flag.

[Anonymous]

If they will live in a house bought by the trust and owned only by one partner it means your child is foregoing one of the key ways to build wealth. Ditto for vacation homes or other investment. Similar situation if trust funder decides not to work or work a low paying part time hobby job, little joint wealth accumulation.

Your child should think of this as marrying someone who may bring very little to the joint pot.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If they will live in a house bought by the trust and owned only by one partner it means your child is foregoing one of the key ways to build wealth. Ditto for vacation homes or other investment. Similar situation if trust funder decides not to work or work a low paying part time hobby job, little joint wealth accumulation.

Your child should think of this as marrying someone who may bring very little to the joint pot.

+1 ding ding ding

I even read a story in here about soon-to-be XW who was going to owe her layabout trust fund husband alimony because he would not work and would not use a dime of his trust fund on their joint lives.

I’m not against prenupts, but you should have your eyes wide open about every aspect of how this kind of situation can turn out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:For those who've had to sign a prenup, aside from DC getting their own lawyer to review, what advice do those who have BTDT have? Assume there will be children and other partner's family has education trusts for children/grandchildren etc.

DH and I have no experience with prenups.

Get the best lawyer. I, however, would never sign one. It seems to me the other party already assuming this marriage will not last.

[Anonymous]

They are to be given a month to review and it's NOT to be in the month right before the wedding. So if the wedding is June 1, they are not to be given the prenup on May 1 and told it must be signed before the wedding date.

[Anonymous]

Thanks for the advice.

[Anonymous]

Best prenup I saw was the spouse received 1 percent of the wealth per year of marriage up to 50 percent with a 2 percent bonus for each child brought into the marriage.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Best prenup I saw was the spouse received 1 percent of the wealth per year of marriage up to 50 percent with a 2 percent bonus for each child brought into the marriage.

Wow 1% extra bonus for carrying, birthing and raising a child! How incredibly generous and not at all evocative of what the wealthy partner thinks of the value of women

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Best prenup I saw was the spouse received 1 percent of the wealth per year of marriage up to 50 percent with a 2 percent bonus for each child brought into the marriage.

Seriously?! Wow. Very interesting. Are you an attorney?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Best prenup I saw was the spouse received 1 percent of the wealth per year of marriage up to 50 percent with a 2 percent bonus for each child brought into the marriage.

My cousin’s is similar to this. The “bonus” is for lifestyle / living expenses aside from child support. That’s how it was explained to me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If they will live in a house bought by the trust and owned only by one partner it means your child is foregoing one of the key ways to build wealth. Ditto for vacation homes or other investment. Similar situation if trust funder decides not to work or work a low paying part time hobby job, little joint wealth accumulation.

Your child should think of this as marrying someone who may bring very little to the joint pot.

+1 ding ding ding

I even read a story in here about soon-to-be XW who was going to owe her layabout trust fund husband alimony because he would not work and would not use a dime of his trust fund on their joint lives.

I’m not against prenupts, but you should have your eyes wide open about every aspect of how this kind of situation can turn out.

I also know two people in this situation where they are divorcing someone very wealthy, will leave with nothing, and need to pay alimony because the ex doesn't (need to) work. Your child needs to think seriously about worst case scenarios. What if they settle in an expensive area and have a disabled child or is disabled themselves? I'm not interested in taking my spouses family business or fortune, but if I'm with someone for decades who has great wealth, I want to know that my kids and I will be able to maintain a reasonable lifestyle. I know too many cases of wealthy spouses who deny their soon to be ex access to funds, get the hotshot lawyer, and get what they want by threatening to go for sole custody.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If they will live in a house bought by the trust and owned only by one partner it means your child is foregoing one of the key ways to build wealth. Ditto for vacation homes or other investment. Similar situation if trust funder decides not to work or work a low paying part time hobby job, little joint wealth accumulation.

Your child should think of this as marrying someone who may bring very little to the joint pot.

+1 ding ding ding

I even read a story in here about soon-to-be XW who was going to owe her layabout trust fund husband alimony because he would not work and would not use a dime of his trust fund on their joint lives.

I’m not against prenupts, but you should have your eyes wide open about every aspect of how this kind of situation can turn out.

I also know two people in this situation where they are divorcing someone very wealthy, will leave with nothing, and need to pay alimony because the ex doesn't (need to) work. Your child needs to think seriously about worst case scenarios. What if they settle in an expensive area and have a disabled child or is disabled themselves? I'm not interested in taking my spouses family business or fortune, but if I'm with someone for decades who has great wealth, I want to know that my kids and I will be able to maintain a reasonable lifestyle. I know too many cases of wealthy spouses who deny their soon to be ex access to funds, get the hotshot lawyer, and get what they want by threatening to go for sole custody.

There was a woman on the nycitymoms forum complaining that she is experiencing this. She married a wealthy man and said the house she lived in was a family home in a trust. Felt bad for her.

She said she never though he would do this to her.

[Anonymous]

A friend of mine signed a prenup that was null if they had (or adopted) children. I don’t know why they chose to structure it that way - whether it’s because their kids could then inherit or because they just wanted to protect assets if the marriage ended quickly or something else. It’s a moot point now.