Raise your hand if an administrator has ever lied to you or used gaslighting...

[Anonymous]

We secretly taped. Yes, it's illegal in some states but we did it anyway and I later referenced it simply by saying I could prove that the IEP coordinator had lied. i left it to their own devices to figure out how I could. It's illegal only if used in court.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We secretly taped. Yes, it's illegal in some states but we did it anyway and I later referenced it simply by saying I could prove that the IEP coordinator had lied. i left it to their own devices to figure out how I could. It's illegal only if used in court.

I'm secretly high-fiving you and winking at you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We asked a supervisor to sit in on our meeting after the school lied to us. You'd be surprised how much they want to save face when their colleagues are there.

Whenever you can, bring a witness.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have had an assistant VP confess to me when she was retiring that she hated what the principal did to SN families. A teacher once gave me the inside scoop on her way out too. I think there are a lot of people who care who get their wings clipped if the person at the helm doesn't have the best intentions.

Can you generalize what they told you? I’m really curious.

[Anonymous]

No lying but we were driven to hire counsel when for the three year IEP eligibility evaluation the system changed my child’s basis for eligibility from specific learning disability to autism (despite private diagnoses of dyslexia and dysgraphia) and also claimed my child was at grade level at reading and offered very limited services towards the dyslexia. In fact, the school personnel would just ignore any of our comments that our child is dyslexic. It was clear the system had no interest in our child’s true best interests (and really just wanted to support him behaviorally so he would not be a disruptive in class).

[Anonymous]

Parents of children without special needs have this problem (though I know what's a stake isn't, at all, comparable)

"oh, you are the only parent who has ever had this problem!", the Administrators will say

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No lying but we were driven to hire counsel when for the three year IEP eligibility evaluation the system changed my child’s basis for eligibility from specific learning disability to autism (despite private diagnoses of dyslexia and dysgraphia) and also claimed my child was at grade level at reading and offered very limited services towards the dyslexia. In fact, the school personnel would just ignore any of our comments that our child is dyslexic. It was clear the system had no interest in our child’s true best interests (and really just wanted to support him behaviorally so he would not be a disruptive in class).

They tried to push us into an ASD or ADHD diagnosis without an evaluation as they said it was better as they could keep more special education teachers as they had lost some that year due to not having enough IEP's/diagnosis. I asked what the benefit for my child was in terms of increased services and supports and they said none as child was doing fine academically. They insisted we used their evaluator and when I asked to meet with the evaluator and have our private therapists talk to the evaluator they said it was not necessary. We declined the evaluation as our child had been evaluated multiple times with the same diagnosis/recommendations by different people and that isn't a valid evaluation. And, there was zero evidence of either, especially ADHD.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Parents of children without special needs have this problem (though I know what's a stake isn't, at all, comparable)

"oh, you are the only parent who has ever had this problem!", the Administrators will say

That isn't exactly even comparable to what we are talking about.

[Anonymous]

You forget how understaffed and underfunded special education is. I’m glad people were able to advocate but I feel sorry for some admins, no need to lie though.

[Anonymous]

It is really hard to sit there as a teacher while the admin is not honest. I would recommend taping if you are having issues, along with asking for supervisors to attend. Feel free to call your school board member, also.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We secretly taped. Yes, it's illegal in some states but we did it anyway and I later referenced it simply by saying I could prove that the IEP coordinator had lied. i left it to their own devices to figure out how I could. It's illegal only if used in court.

Legal in DC and VA, illegal in MD, which is a two party consent state.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:And if so....was it the last straw that led you to hire an advocate or lawyer? I really try to avoid using either,but if we can't make progress or if I catch a complete lie or get gaslit it just tells me no matter how many buzzwords they use this is not a real team, it is not collaborative and my trust has gone out the window. Curious if others feel the same way.

The times people are just honest with me, even if mistakes are made I am more than happy to move on. Once I catch a lie, all bets are off I know this person does not have integrity and a real interest in doing right by those with special needs.

OP-I posted a few weeks ago and received the advice to hire an advocate so I started the research process. One day later, after another forced (my child was held from the kiss and ride line for the purpose of getting me inside the building) impromptu meeting, my husband and I hired an advocate and thank gosh we did! She has down the line predicated the path the school would take and we utilized her advice immediately especially in forming an understanding of what the school was/is doing by not providing written documentation of any "plans" they formulate without our involvement. If you are having doubts about how the school is handling everything and are financially able to afford an advocate, my advice to is to hire an advocate immediately.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We secretly taped. Yes, it's illegal in some states but we did it anyway and I later referenced it simply by saying I could prove that the IEP coordinator had lied. i left it to their own devices to figure out how I could. It's illegal only if used in court.

Legal in DC and VA, illegal in MD, which is a two party consent state.

Just an FYI, most people on this board already know, but if you do not: it's always legal to record an IEP meeting IF you give them 48 hours notice that you will be recording. As long as you tell the team you don't have to get consent from them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have had an assistant VP confess to me when she was retiring that she hated what the principal did to SN families. A teacher once gave me the inside scoop on her way out too. I think there are a lot of people who care who get their wings clipped if the person at the helm doesn't have the best intentions.

Can you generalize what they told you? I’m really curious.

NP. My mom was a reading specialist for 30 years. She would come home from IEP meetings crying because she felt kids who were eligible were unfairly denied services. She worked in a small rural low-income district and there were many denials because the team would say the child's delay was due to cultural factors or "everybody knows that family is trash."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:And if so....was it the last straw that led you to hire an advocate or lawyer? I really try to avoid using either,but if we can't make progress or if I catch a complete lie or get gaslit it just tells me no matter how many buzzwords they use this is not a real team, it is not collaborative and my trust has gone out the window. Curious if others feel the same way.

The times people are just honest with me, even if mistakes are made I am more than happy to move on. Once I catch a lie, all bets are off I know this person does not have integrity and a real interest in doing right by those with special needs.

OP-I posted a few weeks ago and received the advice to hire an advocate so I started the research process. One day later, after another forced (my child was held from the kiss and ride line for the purpose of getting me inside the building) impromptu meeting, my husband and I hired an advocate and thank gosh we did! She has down the line predicated the path the school would take and we utilized her advice immediately especially in forming an understanding of what the school was/is doing by not providing written documentation of any "plans" they formulate without our involvement. If you are having doubts about how the school is handling everything and are financially able to afford an advocate, my advice to is to hire an advocate immediately.

YASS! So glad to here it. Our advocate is the best money ever spent.