How to deal with highly irritable, negative person

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sick of precious people getting away with being a-holes. Seriously. I’m one and I have ways to mitigate (tell him about DCUM, for starters).

John, you’re kinda being an a-hole. If you aren’t ok with that I have some ideas. If you are, then I’ll see you at thanksgiving, the festival of a-holes.

I kind of agree with this. And I’ve dealt with depression and anxiety and have empathy for anyone going through that (and agree that could be the problem here). But you can’t take it out on others. Not only is it hurtful to them, it drives away your support system and makes thing worse. And also: no one has a right to be a constant ahole to others.

I also feel there’s a gendered element here because I don’t think a female family member would get away with this behavior without being called out directly or ostracized.

Are you f$cking serious? Women “get away” with this ALL THE TIME. It’s in the handbook.

[Anonymous]

The highly sensitive to smells issue is absolutely a sign of anxiety, as I have it too. Men tend to be more complainly and angry when they are depressed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sick of precious people getting away with being a-holes. Seriously. I’m one and I have ways to mitigate (tell him about DCUM, for starters).

John, you’re kinda being an a-hole. If you aren’t ok with that I have some ideas. If you are, then I’ll see you at thanksgiving, the festival of a-holes.

Generally speaking, calling people jerks and aholes isn't a helpful approach.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sick of precious people getting away with being a-holes. Seriously. I’m one and I have ways to mitigate (tell him about DCUM, for starters).

John, you’re kinda being an a-hole. If you aren’t ok with that I have some ideas. If you are, then I’ll see you at thanksgiving, the festival of a-holes.

I kind of agree with this. And I’ve dealt with depression and anxiety and have empathy for anyone going through that (and agree that could be the problem here). But you can’t take it out on others. Not only is it hurtful to them, it drives away your support system and makes thing worse. And also: no one has a right to be a constant ahole to others.

I also feel there’s a gendered element here because I don’t think a female family member would get away with this behavior without being called out directly or ostracized.

Are you f$cking serious? Women “get away” with this ALL THE TIME. It’s in the handbook.

+1 There's always an excuse for the behavior and as a woman, I don't like it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like anxiety and depression.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sick of precious people getting away with being a-holes. Seriously. I’m one and I have ways to mitigate (tell him about DCUM, for starters).

John, you’re kinda being an a-hole. If you aren’t ok with that I have some ideas. If you are, then I’ll see you at thanksgiving, the festival of a-holes.

Generally speaking, calling people jerks and aholes isn't a helpful approach.

It helps to give them a wake up call, or to explain why you are distancing yourself.
Two treats in one.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My cousin, who I am really close with has become incredibly irritable over the last few years. He will get upset if someone is too slow to make a turn, if he has to wait a few minutes for a bridge to come down, etc.

He’s highly sensitive to smells (hand sanitizer, lotion drive him nuts), sounds (kids talking to parents). He hates listening to any kind of conflict (for example if I’m being firm with my kids about something). Hes also very negative about himself and wants to stay home all day. I’ll invite him to dinner, golf, the pool, whatever, and I get the impression he’d rather be home napping, reading, watching TV. Zero interest in anything new. Will ignore social calls from other friends / family. Won’t travel. He’s divorced BTW and was able to retire a few years ago.

I love my cousin dearly and it seems there’s something very wrong. I don’t know how to help. What would you do?

Does he have a drinking problem?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sick of precious people getting away with being a-holes. Seriously. I’m one and I have ways to mitigate (tell him about DCUM, for starters).

John, you’re kinda being an a-hole. If you aren’t ok with that I have some ideas. If you are, then I’ll see you at thanksgiving, the festival of a-holes.

Generally speaking, calling people jerks and aholes isn't a helpful approach.

It helps to give them a wake up call, or to explain why you are distancing yourself.
Two treats in one.

Being an asshole to an asshole generally doesn't work out. This is someone OP cares about whose behavior has drastically changed in real life you don't call people you care about jerks and assholes in OP's situation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like anxiety and depression.

+1

Or something else brain-related such as a tumor or early-onset dementia.