Why ghost someone?

[Anonymous]

Maybe OP is a little clueless about the getting to know you stage? Perhaps that’s past now? No need to tap for hours on the phone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I met this guy a couple of months ago and we hit it off immediately. Lots in common and could talk for literal hours about a variety of subjects both in person and on the phone. He's funny, charming, smart, etc. Physically everything was an A+. We were very vocal with how we were feeling about each other and reiterated often that we really liked each other. He mentioned that he was nervous about falling in love again, but there was no pressure and I assured him that we had time to figure all of that out. One night after being on the phone for hours we made plans to see each other again the next morning.

That was the last time I heard from him.

He inexplicably stopped responding to my calls and messages and seems to have blocked me. I was at first worried that something had happened to him but noticed about a week later that he updated the photos on his dating profile. I was (and am) devastated.
Why would someone do this? My friends suspect that he's a love-bomber and gets a high off of this feeling, then dashes. It was a brief relationship (?) but I started developing some pretty strong feelings and honestly, I'm having a hard time getting over it. I racked my brain with what in the world I could have done wrong, but nothing makes sense. Our last conversation ended with us going to bed and plans to see each other a few hours later, so what in the world could have happened overnight?

Why ghost someone? Why not say "I changed my mind and I no longer like you" or whatever?

Dating is emotionally draining.

OP how exactly did he leave it with you at the end of that last conversation. Were things upbeat, or emotionally heavy? What were you planning to do the next day? None of it excuses his behavior but it might shed light on whether things might have gotten too heavy and possibly scared him off.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He’s married or a narcissist

Most likely both!

[Anonymous]

He may have been creeped out by your comment ‘we have time to figure all that out’ because that language is presuming a ‘We’ and presuming a relationship. I would just accept it and move on. I’ve gotten the direct ‘I’m not interested’ text and it does not feel better I promise.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Maybe OP is a little clueless about the getting to know you stage? Perhaps that’s past now? No need to tap for hours on the phone.

+1. Hours on the phone is too much. My guess is he was just glad to get off the phone and decided you were too clingy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The last person I ghosted, I was just feeling really overwhelmed with life and I kept wanted to ex and explain that but then I would think "well, that's going to be a half hour of texting back and forth before I can politely sign off" and that just was not what I wanted to do.

Are you male or female? Would you have continued dating that person if it weren't because of your overwhelming life situation at that time?

[Anonymous]

Stop over-analyzing the situation and move on. You'll likely never know the why and honestly it doesn't even matter. My dating life became so much better when I took peoples actions at face value and stopped trying to fighre out why they did what they did.

[Anonymous]

Sometimes people ghost because they dgaf.
Sometimes people ghost because it’s hard, it takes maturity, ant they don’t want to have to face another person’s questions and pain. The longer they take, the harder it feels, and then they just let it go because after time passes it just feels ridiculous.

I agree with the PP who posted earlier: Just use a short, clear, pre-printed text: It really is ME, not you. I’m done.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The last person I ghosted, I was just feeling really overwhelmed with life and I kept wanted to ex and explain that but then I would think "well, that's going to be a half hour of texting back and forth before I can politely sign off" and that just was not what I wanted to do.

Are you male or female? Would you have continued dating that person if it weren't because of your overwhelming life situation at that time?

Female. This was quite early on (no 6 weeks of dates!). I was getting the sense that the other person had higher emotional needs than I would be able to meet, so it was either self-sabotage/proving my hunch was correct. I did eventually send an apology text. No response, which was fine and appropriate to the situation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Maybe the several hours phone call had him rethink his time commitment, and he is too weak to be honest with you.

+1000 this sounds insane to me.

I didn't hold anyone hostage on the phone and he initiated most of our calls. If this context is more helpful, he's not American (I've found that men from other countries tend to like talking on the phone vs those born here).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Maybe OP is a little clueless about the getting to know you stage? Perhaps that’s past now? No need to tap for hours on the phone.

+1. Hours on the phone is too much. My guess is he was just glad to get off the phone and decided you were too clingy.

Aren't you rude?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Maybe OP is a little clueless about the getting to know you stage? Perhaps that’s past now? No need to tap for hours on the phone.

+1. Hours on the phone is too much. My guess is he was just glad to get off the phone and decided you were too clingy.

Aren't you rude?

It's not rude, OP asked why he would ghost her. My guess is that he re-evaluated how he feels about OP after this long discussion and didn't want to have to deal with another long conversation breaking it off.

[Anonymous]

OP (I am not trying to be mean)he probably met someone he thinks is hotter. He was not sincere.
I know it stinks, consider it a bullet dodged. Imagine how you would feel if he did this in a year instead of 6 weeks.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP (I am not trying to be mean)he probably met someone he thinks is hotter. He was not sincere.
I know it stinks, consider it a bullet dodged. Imagine how you would feel if he did this in a year instead of 6 weeks.

+ 1. Completely agree. He’s the one with poor social skills and running hot/cold. Better to know this sooner rather than later. Allows you to move on to better things.

[Anonymous]

I racked my brain with what in the world I could have done wrong

Op, this is useless. This is a useless approach to dating. If a connection isn't sustainable, it's useless to search for "why"