Has anyone ever removed their child from the home temporarily?

[Anonymous]

Our DS (age 8), has been out of control at home for a very long time. He has been in therapy a while and additionally, we are pursuing medication. Meanwhile, the impact of his destructive behavior is really impacting our other children, who are younger than him, not to mention us. It is an unlivable situation. To say we are at our wit's end is an understatement. DH and I are strongly considering removing him from the household (probably DH would take him to live in a hotel or corporate apartment) for a while. Has anyone ever done this? If so, how did it work out? TIA.

[Anonymous]

OP again--meant age 8 for DS--not sure why the smiley face.

[Anonymous]

OP, just wanted to send you hugs and say hang in there. And I would *definitely* try medication before removing him from his home. Are you working with a psychiatrist?

[Anonymous]

I think residential placement is appropriate for consideration. I'm not sure you living with him separately is an answer, OP. I think you are looking for a "geographical cure." In other words, your parenting skills and his behavior are not going to get better just because he is in a new place with you. It kind of empowers him too to have individual attention.

[Anonymous]

Have you looked into a "day hospital". Basically a psychiatric hospital that keeps your child for the day and then your child is home with you at night. If your child is in therapy, his doctor may be able to help you figure this out. I think Dominion Hospital and Shepard Pratt both have these therapuetic environments. I worry that if you remove your child from the home to a hotel or other living arrangement it will further delay more intensive help and you and your husband need each other right now. Also, if you are considering medication, a day hospital can help to determine which meds and dosage while the child is under observation. We did this for our child when DC was 9 years old, and as horrifying as this may sound, it was a godsend and the beginning of much better times. Hugs and support to you and your family. I know things must be tough right now.

[Anonymous]

As the younger sister of a boy who had similar-sounding problems, I would not rule out the idea of removing the child from the home. Obviously, it is not something that should be done without careful consideration, but I think my parents should have done it much earlier. They were never in control and it just spiraled downward until they finally had to remove him at around age 15 (various rehabs and boarding schools, way too late to actually have much affect). Honestly, I think he would have done much better - and maybe broken out of the terrible pattern that he was in - if the situation had been more drastically approached earlier. It was unliveable; it put us all in danger; and, everyone was too exhausted to deal with it in a manner that would be most beneficial for my brother. I feel horrible for you for having to make such a choice, but I think it would have been much better for my family as a whole had this decision been made.

[Anonymous]

11:26 here. I just wanted to mention that I don't think that the idea of just moving elsewhere with him would do anyone any good. If you need to remove him, you should be seeking residential treatment.

[Anonymous]

I don't know what your DS's diagnosis is, but medication has been a godsend for my DS. You might want to consider trying it before making a decision about whether or not to relocate him.

[Anonymous]

I agree with residential treatment. Does he have a psychiatric diagnosis?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't know what your DS's diagnosis is, but medication has been a godsend for my DS. You might want to consider trying it before making a decision about whether or not to relocate him.

Yes, and if you give some time to determine if medication can make a difference, could you be eligible for respite care?

[Anonymous]

10:57 here. I posted about day hospitals. Most residential treatment facilities have day hospitals as part of their services and vice versa. I mention this because it could be that your DS starts as residential and then moves down to day treatment as things improve and meds are figured out. Or you could try to start with day treatment knowing that you could switch to rsidential if needed. Some of this may be determined by the facility. Some facilities will require a child that is exhibiting dangerous behavior to start as in-patient (residential).
As others have said, please don't wait. FYI, our child was in a day hospital for two weeks a few years ago and when DC left, I felt so glad that we had a place like that to consider should things go downhill again. Our insurance paid for the majority of it, check your coverage. Getting to this point is scary and taking a step like this can feel disloyal to your kid (at least this was a little of what I felt), but it delaying help can make things so much worse. No judgement here. Sending cyberhugs to you from someone who has been there.

[Anonymous]

I don't have any advice, I just wanted to let you know that I really feel for you. I can only imagine how difficult it must be for you and your family to get to this point. I wish there were something I could do to help. Hugs to you.

[Anonymous]

I wonder if your DS had gotten the appropriate diagnosis. For example, if his meds are SSRIs, they can trigger bipolar disorder, which would manifest itself in out of control behavior. Obviously whatever medication he is on is not working, even if you have the right diagnosis. I guess I second the recommendation for residential treatment. Not only could that provide your family with some relief, but it would also involve a better look at what he has and how its being treated. If you are considering setting him up in apartment with your husband, you are in crisis mode. I think the response to a crisis is more treatment, another opinion, more intensive therapy, in other words, hospitalization.

Sending him to an apartment conveys a difficult message to your other children. It will be "if you are bad, you get sent away," as opposed to "if you are sick, you go to the hospital," which, I think is a better message. Also, your DS who is struggling must be feeling pretty bad about himself as well. He can't control it. Putting him in an apartment doesn't treat him or change what is causing this.

[Anonymous]

Agree with 16:13 completely

However, remember that this child is 8 and sending your child away to a residential placement at that age - I can't even imagine.

My thoughts are with you, OP.

[Anonymous]

Don't have a moment to read and respond completely right now, but I will tomorrow bc we were at almost exactly the same place this summer. I will say that you should avoid Shephard Pratt. We had a horrible experience there -- we specifically wanted our child off a med that we and his private neurologist felt was causing problems and they agreed. Then they kept him on it, doped him up on Risperdal, actually increased the dose of the med he was supposed to be coming off, and lied to me about it. All while never even meeting with us after the initial intake meeting. It was appalling. The nurses were lovely; the actions of the doctors bordered on malpractice. Will post more support/ideas tomorrow, I promise. The meds can definitely help (when it's the right one).