DH opposed to having DD see psychologist

[Anonymous]

So, I am fairly sure our DD needs to see a psychologist and DH is opposed. Can anyone give me advice on how to change his mind? He doesn't think play therapy works for young children, he is worried that DD will be in therapy for 10 years, he is concerned that she will catch on that something is "wrong" with her. For those of you whose kids have done play therapy and benefited, why do you think it works? Did it take a long time? How did you explain it to your child? DD just turned 7. Thanks.

[Anonymous]

Generally, I am a big advocate of play therapy. With children, there is not the Woody Allen-style decades in therapy experience. The problem tends to present itself through play pretty quickly and can be dealt with in a matter of months. Usually there is a change in behavior pretty rapidly and at least within a year. This is about getting ahold of problems before they become deeply ingrained and buried and before someone needs years of therapy to get at them -- exactly what your DH wants to avoid for your child. So if he isn't willing to do therapy for her now, he is actually condemning her to the fate that he doesn't want for her, which is ironic.

Now, you haven't said anything about the concerns or problems your daughter has, and play therapy isn't for every problem, so there's that caveat.

[Anonymous]

By the way, the notion that play therapy doesn't work for young children -- that's exactly the age group that it works for. Older children don't engage in as much expressive play. Play is the "work" of young children.

[Anonymous]

We waited too long and that mistake was disastrous. Our psychologist has been our guide and coordinator for all of the other professionals and services our Child needs. She also Helps us with parenting techniques and resources. And the therapy has helped. Our child definitely knows something is wrong and we're sad abut that, but at least now we have the resources to help.

[Anonymous]

OP here. Thank you. I will try to have the talk again. Please recommend your psychologist if you have liked him or her. DD's social skills seems a bit arrested. She has friends, but in a group setting does not join and also does not invite others to play with her. So she can be on her own for long stretches. She is very focused - more so than other kids - and that is another reason she ends up spending time on her own. Not sure this is relevant but her IQ is beyond the 99.9 percentile. There are also some obsessive type behaviors that were worse when she was younger. Staring at fans and such. This will make her sound worse than she is. She is also charming and sweet, gets along well with certain kids and all adults. Bright and inquiring. Just seems along in groups and seems to have some anxiety (the obsessive behaviors). Can avoid situations that are stressful as well. We've had her tested by other specialists and there really is nothing they can catch, so I thought play therapy may be the way to go. There was some bullying in school last year and the group dynamics got a lot worse after that.

[Anonymous]

Play therapy worked really well for my DD after her father died. It was amazing because she was only 4 years at the time but she seemed to understand why she was there and all of her games seemed to focus on coming to terms with his death. The therapist had a room full of interesting toys but DD always went straight to the toys that helped her work through the stages of grief. I would highly recommend play therapy for any child with issues.

[Anonymous]

A mother just has a feeling what is needed. Don't let DH influence you too much.

[Anonymous]

OP, I'm assuming you've had your DD evaluated by a developmental pediatrician or child psych for a possible ASD? Lots of red flags here.

[Anonymous]

OP, my DD (mild anxiety, executive function issues, and other random quirkiness) really benefited from CBT therapy. It was done in a play-based way, but had a specific goal and focus (which is part of the core of CBT), so that may appeal to your DH vs an "open ended" type of therapy.

It also sounds like she could benefit from a social skills group. My DD started one after the therapy and it has been incredibly helpful to her. She has learned a lot and it is VERY helpful for her to know that other girls just like her also struggle at times with social issues.

[Anonymous]

not sure play therapy actually would be the way to go if she is good with adults - a social skills group with the right group of kids might be more appropriate, as well as possibly looking at whether her current school environment is the right one for her (i.e. as opposed to one where bullying isn't tolerated and kids that are a bit different are more common)

by the way, I have a 5 year old son who sounds a bit like this, with the exception of obsessive behaviors which he does not have (he also does not have an ASD -- while I appreciate the other poster is trying to be helpful, not every child that is like this has an ASD)

[Anonymous]

OP here. Yes, we are quite sure that ASD, sensory processing, ADD etc isn't in the picture. She has been looked at by a well known neuro-developmental specialist and other psychologists. The obsessive behaviors take the form of intense interests in particular subject areas. When she was a tiny baby, it took the form of staring at fans and lights. However even back then, she was extremely engaged with people. In fact, a lot more so that other babies that we saw. Highly. highly interactive and communicative even before she could talk. She still forms close relationships with kids one-on-one and has great play dates. But she withdraws in the classroom or in any group situation. Interesting that some of you recommend the social skills group. We are in DC. Where should I go to find a great group? And if anyone knows the name of a psychologist for play therapy, please do recommend one!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Not sure this is relevant but her IQ is beyond the 99.9 percentile.

To support her intellectual interests, have you looked into the Davidson Young Scholars program?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:not sure play therapy actually would be the way to go if she is good with adults - a social skills group with the right group of kids might be more appropriate, as well as possibly looking at whether her current school environment is the right one for her (i.e. as opposed to one where bullying isn't tolerated and kids that are a bit different are more common)

by the way, I have a 5 year old son who sounds a bit like this, with the exception of obsessive behaviors which he does not have (he also does not have an ASD -- while I appreciate the other poster is trying to be helpful, not every child that is like this has an ASD)

I never said every child like this has an ASD, just that it should be checked out. I wish someone had said the same to me when my DC was that age. Glad to hear OP has done all that.

[Anonymous]

DS, 7.5 years old, has done play therapy and it's been more open-ended. He has social anxiety and ADHD, along with learning challenges. He's generally enjoyed going to play therapy but it's hard to say that it has alleviated the issues, although he is more articulate about his feelings, which is good. He takes medication for ADHD, has an IEP at school, and we're doing some in-home therapy right now (hence the break from play therapy). The psychologist is very nice and she's been a good sounding board for us on various issues but I can't say that play therapy has resolved the issues, although it's shed some light on some of the things that make him anxious.

[Anonymous]

Just to confirm that our DS did play therapy for anxiety and self-esteem issues. It lasted a year. Later, he was in a social skills group at school, run by the school counselor.