What to do with a family member that claims to help but doesn't?

[Anonymous]

I have a sibling that claims to be helping the family. Sibling is really taking SS from deceased parent, some for living parent, most for herself! This may also be true with sibling taking benefits from another family member, as sibling is in charge of the money. I am not sure if sibling went through SS office to be in charge, or person who is supposed to be getting the benefits, but it needs to be that sibling does not get any of the money sibling is supposed to be in charge of. Does this make sense? In other words, sibling is siphoning money. Sibling is telling family members that sibling is helping those from which she is siphoning. Any help/direction would be appreciated.

[Anonymous]

Tell sibling that you are seeking legal help for the elderly victims involved, and then do it.

[Anonymous]

You could tell SS but I think your sibling could be fined and jailed for that kind of embezzlement. Maybe just threaten that this is what you will do if she doesn't relinquish control over the money to an uninterested third party overseer. Or maybe tell the beneficiary this is what is happening and they can take back control over their own money. This is what someone I know did. Caused a huge rift in the family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Tell sibling that you are seeking legal help for the elderly victims involved, and then do it.

Just call SSA and report relative. Also, it is a felony to continue collecting SSA for a deceased person and SSA will find out. If I had a relative who was this much of a skank it would not bother me at all to report them. There are no degrees of honesty.

[Anonymous]

OP here. The SS payments are legitimate. The spouse that is deceased has benefits that the surviving spouse makes because the deceased spouse worked and paid SS in order for the surviving spouse to receive benefits. The sibling also receives benefits from a disabled siblings benefits.

The question is this: since sibling takes the legitimate SS money from parent and sibling, and pretends to be looking out for parent and siblings best interest, and complains about/claims to be "helping" sibling and surviving parent, what can I do about that sibling being the one to receive/collect/inaccurately disburse (if at all) the SS benefit money? Can there be an accounting made known to me? Does this wording help?

[Anonymous]

How is sibling getting the money? Is it being deposited directly into an account in her name?

[Anonymous]

New drinking game: every time OP uses the word "sibling", you take a shot.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:New drinking game: every time OP uses the word "sibling", you take a shot.

You are my new anonymous sibling! I *heart* you new sibling. - I guess it doesn't count, since I'm not the OP. What if I was the OP's sibling?

OP - My husband's sibling (couldn't resist) does this. The thing is, he honestly thinks he is "helping" his mother. He's obviously soaking up her little bit of money, but the truth is - he believes it. And I think the rest of us don't want the headache. It would cause more problems to bring it up than to just ignore it.

You could hire a third party to help administer or look after your mother's account, but if you are concerned about SS, then money is probably too tight for that. Unless there is obvious fraud, I don't really see what your other options are, aside from confrontation. Is it worth it?

[Anonymous]

OP, does your parent know that the sibling is stealing money from him or her?

[Anonymous]

OP here. Thank you so much for the helpful posts. Clearly, I am doing the best I can here. There is a lot going on right now. Again, the helpful posts are appreciated. I am a firm believer in karma, call it what you wish.

The parent does not know that they are being siphoned. The more guilty the sibling is, the more sibling actually complains about surviving parent. In other words, wants surviving parents (and other siblings) money but not anything to do with the them, both/each of whom sibling is allegedly "helping".

Sibling is also beginning to speak for me, which I strongly resent because we help my family financially (and DH's, but that is another story), even though we keep them at a distance. If it were not for money, we believe our families would likely not be in touch with us at all. We are fine with helping from a distance, as both families are quite draining. Time to start another thread perhaps.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
OP here. Thank you so much for the helpful posts. Clearly, I am doing the best I can here. There is a lot going on right now. Again, the helpful posts are appreciated. I am a firm believer in karma, call it what you wish.

The parent does not know that they are being siphoned. The more guilty the sibling is, the more sibling actually complains about surviving parent. In other words, wants surviving parents (and other siblings) money but not anything to do with the them, both/each of whom sibling is allegedly "helping".

Sibling is also beginning to speak for me, which I strongly resent because we help my family financially (and DH's, but that is another story), even though we keep them at a distance. If it were not for money, we believe our families would likely not be in touch with us at all. We are fine with helping from a distance, as both families are quite draining. Time to start another thread perhaps.

OP, you are either a troll or an idiot or maybe an idiotic troll.