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Infants, Toddlers, & Preschoolers
Attachment parenting and CIO
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Anonymous
| With all of the CIO topics I though I would share my experience this week. I have a 2.5 year old and a 6 month old. We are I guess what you would call attached parents. We babywear, co-sleep, cloth diaper, and I breast feed on demand. Our first was a great sleeper and we did not have any issues. Our second has been a terrible sleeper since day 1. Recently he has taken to waking every 45 minutes all night. Well I could not taken it any more. I needed sleep. After two weeks of no sleep we decided to do CIO. We decided we would go in every 5 minutes to reassure. Well we went in 3 times the first night to get him to sleep initially. He woke every two hours that night but I keep up with the 5 minute rule and he went back to sleep each time within 3-7 minutes and I only fed him at midnight and 6 AM(before I would feed him every time he woke up). The second night he went to sleep after going in once and he slept until 2 am at which time I fed him and he was back to sleep until 7. We are on the third night tonight and I hopeful it will continue to go well. Interestingly he has napped great the past two days. He is a very happy baby and this brief crying bit has not seemed to have any negative effects on him. While I know that I can not do a full blown 1-2 hour CIO session I am now convinced that the modified method that we did worked and was very necessary. I am a much better parent today than I was three days ago as now I am not so sleep deprived. |
Anonymous
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Isn't that a great feeling? Having kids who sleep and sleep well?! And being able to appreciate it because we are well-rested ourselves?
The goal is happy and healthy and we do what we can to get there. Well done! |
Anonymous
| I'm sure I don't have to tell you that you're not practicing attachment parenting, but if you're happy with your situation that really is all the matters. |
Anonymous
What would be the alternative for her? Just wondering . . . |
Anonymous
| I'm AP and the alternative is to continue to nurse on demand. It's hard but a lot of us do it because we subscribe to AP fully...doesn't make this the right way, just how we do it. |
Anonymous
You may think you're doing OP a favor by asking this question, but you're not because she know has to hear about all the alternatives to CIO (which may make her feel guilty), and she didn't even ask. |
Anonymous
Good for you - your baby is sleeping better because it's finally getting the much needed, continuous sleep! Glad you found something that works for you and your family. |
Anonymous
Sounds like attachment parenting to me. But regradless of the "label", I think OP is doing a great job. |
Anonymous
| I'm very AP and have posted on recent threads, but do want to add that as AP parents, we must be careful not to judge others, this can give us a very bad rap and makes us appear very inflexible, the opposite of what AP prides itself on (going with the flow of the mommy/baby dyad, not being rigid, AP for world peace, you know the vibe) Although i dont approve of CIO, if this mother was desperate and felt she needed to make this choice, she shouldnt be made to feel guilty about it, and it sounds like it was on the very mild end of the CIO spectrum which is significant IMO. The fact that she is nursing, babywearing and attuned to her baby is a huge gift to this child. Motherhood is so challenging, we all make different decisions even in the AP community, which b/c we are such a minority can feel like a "club" sometimes, but it shouldnt be. Many loving mothers ascribe to some AP things but not all, and many AP mothers do mainstream things (disposable diapers, daycare, etc) so we need to just be kind to one another as we soldier on! |
Anonymous
Sorry, I was just wondering for myself. I am not an AP mom, but I have a child that wakes up frequently. He is 9 months old. I have tried CIO & other methods. I was just wondering what AP moms do so I can learn. Sorry. |
Anonymous
| OP, you say you co-sleep...but from what you describe you and your child are clearly in different rooms. Do you mean you co-slept before and just now stopped? How long was your baby in his own room/crib before you did CIO? |
Anonymous
Sorry, I think I misunderstood your post. AP families would probably try to co-sleep (if the child wanted). And at 9 months, would be breastfeeding on demand at night, while co-sleeping. For the right family, it allows everyone to sleep better. |
Anonymous
| I'm the AP mom who posted above about trying not to judge OP. In response to what would an AP family do in this situation, the most common response i think would be to answer that in this situation you do what the baby needs which is to nurse them, even if it's every 2 hrs. The increase in night waking at 6 mos could be due to teething, illness (ear infections made my DS wake all the time), growth spurt, stressful day, dehydration, etc. So AP'ers would say just trust that the baby is waking for a reason, and in most of our experience, spikes in night wakings always decrease after the needs are met for a specific episode (or an illness or stressful situation subsides). In other words, this 6 mos old will not wake every 45 minutes for the rest of it's first year and there is usually an underlying reason why changes in sleep patterns occur, if you can get to the bottom of it and also meet the infants needs, the phase will likely pass. What i dont like about CIO is that is supposes that the baby's need for food, touch, proximity to parent is insignificant after a certain age and that if the baby is expressing a need for any of those things, the parents must teach the baby that those needs will not be responded to now that they are 6mos old or whatever age people chose to do CIO. IMO most AP mama's have a very different perspective on night nursing than mainstream parents, and they dont fight it or see it as a problem to be solved as they believe children will reach sleep maturity when they are ready, and they always sleep longer once they have solids in their diet which are digested much more slowly than breastmilk and hence babies are less hungry as they age. I imagine that FT working AP parents have a major challenge, however, in functioning the day after night nursings increase, so to them, i tip my cap and then some!!! |
Anonymous
| As an AP-leaning mom who worked full-time, partial co-sleeping was the only way I could get some sleep. Starting at around 6 months, baby went to sleep in her own crib, but then I joined her in bed starting at around 12 -2 or so (we couldn't bring her to our bed b/c DH just couldn't sleep with the baby) for the rest of the night. I was able to sleep while she nursed. |
Anonymous
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just out of curiousity -- we're not AP parents per se, but I definitely believe in nursing on demand, i.e. when my child is hungry. But why do AP parents assume every time a child wakes up they want to nurse? I'm exclusively breastfeeding my second and I'm actively trying NOT to nurse her every time she fusses during the day and try to figure out what else might be wrong (at night I do tend to nurse when she wakes up because we are co-sleeping at the moment and she is pretty much out for 4 hours or so between feedings so my sense is she is truly hungry) because I think I was doing that for a while and I think it was making her gassy and uncomfortable.
really genuinely curious... sounds like the OP did something quite smart -- in all honesty, not sure I think letting your child cry for 3-7 minutes is even CIO really. |