Forum Index
»
Parenting -- Special Concerns
Ex bringing new boyfriend to son's game. Any advice?
![[Post New]](/jforum/templates/default/images/icon_minipost_new.gif){kind=icon}
Anonymous
|
I'm in an amicable situation with the ex and my son has expressed interest in having her boyfriend come to one of his games. This is a new one for me and I haven't actually met the guy yet (they've been dating for 9 months or so). Anyone have advice on the best way to conduct myself? For what it's worth, I'm not really having jealousy issues about the ex but having another guy in my son's life makes me REALLY uncomfortable.
Thanks, everyone. |
Anonymous
| Do you know what he looks like? I think you should meet before the game, when no one else is around, even if it's just for a few minutes. Maybe at a dropoff or pickup? Otherwise, couldn't it be awkward? As for how to conduct yourself, well, just be yourself. Chat with them a bit, but move around, don't hover and stand by them for the entire game -- that seems like the best approach, that's what I plan to do if my ex ever brings his girlfriend to a game. |
Anonymous
|
agree with above, introduce, chitchat, but dont hover. Its hard to imagine another man in your child's life but three things to keep in mind:
1) be thankful that your son appears to like him and he is interested enough to go to the game. Its much worse and more stressful if the new boy/girlfriend doesn't get along with the child. Perhaps it helps to imagine how you would like your son and your ex to get along with a new girlfriend you might have and behave accordingly. 2) No one will ever replace you as dad. There's no way. Parent's partners (or step parents, if it comes to that) can be a good, bad, or neutral influence on the child, and we all hope that it is good. But the bond between child and parent is really not threatened by it. |
Anonymous
| 13:06 here. I also strongly advise meeting at least once before he comes to the game. |
Anonymous
|
OP here. That's just the kind of sober advice I hoped to get, so thanks very much.
To 15:06: Thanks especially for the encouragement. This thing with having a new guy around is, by far, the strangest part of the divorce. I'm torn because I DO want him to be a good guy my sons will like--just not TOO much! It's a tough one but I'll try to keep your advice in mind. |
Anonymous
| P.S. I may not get the chance to meet him before the game but I will try to do that. |
Anonymous
| I have to say that, as the ex, I don't think I would go out of my way to have my new boyfriend meet my ex before bringing him to a child's game no matter how amicable. I am an adult and I am perfectly capable of deciding who should and should not be a part of my child's life. Presumably, your child has already met the new boyfriend. What will you add to the situation by meeting him before he goes the game? If you get a chance to meet him at the game, great, but no way would I subject a new boyfriend to meeting my ex in an artificially constructed setting to make my ex feel better about whatever he was feeling insecure about. |
Anonymous
| 23:17 Whoa! What your the child? If he detects awkardness, etc.? I am an ex, too, and I think it's smoother to meet a boyfriend or girlfriend privately. Also, if other parents notice the introduction, they might talk and think it's weird. Believe me, married parents gossip plenty about the divorced parents and their girlfriends, taking note when a boyfriend or girlfriend attends a game. But back to the child: You seem to be feeling so much animus towards your ex, and so much entitlement about your autonomy, you've lost sight of making things smooth for the child! |
Anonymous
This isn't about the adults, though, it's about trying to make the meeting go smoothly so that the child is at ease. |
Anonymous
Stepparent here- I just wanted to reinforce the above - this is absolutely absolutely true. |
Anonymous
| If you think you've got a problem you should hear my situation. My ex is a sociopath. She has gone from one guy to another her entire life and she wants to bring every new boyfriend she has into my 7 year old daughter's life. Some people think I'm being too anal about it but it disturbs me to no end. We share custody 50/50 which pretty much makes me a slave to obligation between work and parenting. What's the point of sacraficing so mutch if my daughter is going to grow up to be like my ex. She also does it diliberatly to get to me. I have made every attempt to be nice to her but she's an attention whore and would rather attract negative attention than none at all, . It's also taking a tole on my daughter's mental health as the stress it causes me reflects on her emotions as well. She is now saying she's not going to do it anymore for a while but it's just lies. She tries to give me assurance just so she can attack me again. God help me, the bitch is just evil. |
Anonymous
Yeah, but us divorced folks gave up caring what they think a long time ago. It's smoother for everybody that way. OP, I feel you. But I think the first couple of PPs were spot on. You're not going to be replaced, and it's terrific that your son a) likes this person enough to want them to come to a game, and b) is comfortable enough to articulate it. This means you guys are doing a very good job as co-parents. If you can't meet before the game, such is life. No big. Cordial introductions, small talk. You can do this. It'll be OK. |
Anonymous
Aren't there usually clauses in child support agreements about one ex bringing new paramours into the kid's life? How are those worded/activated? I guess she was hot, enabled you to look past her other tendencies. Oh well, don't worry, I told a single mom in her late 30s to stop being so damn fussy, so I'm just feeling cranky today. |
Anonymous
| Totally meet this guy and get to know him. Make sure he is on the up and up. If he is genuine about your ex and your son that is amazing. A kid with 3 people to love him. That's pretty cool |
Anonymous
| be nice |