Due any day and 3 year old having adjustment issues already

[Anonymous]

There may be threads already and I will search...but the bassinett has been set up for some time now and I am afraid it is impacting our 3 year old. She is coming into our (every night) and in general showing signs of angst about baby arriving. Maybe we started too early and having been doing too much to prepare her? I feel terrible but also like I just want the baby to get here so that we can start acclimating as a family. I plan to do all of the things that are "common wisdom" such as spend one on one time with her, make sure she doesn't feel displaced, etc...but I think she already does...

We can't have her in the bed when I am nursing an infant those early weeks...advice? commiseration? I'll take anything. I left the bed for the couch tonight when I needed to roll over and there she was, leaving me no room.

[polarboogie]

I really have no advice but I echo your concerns. I am 32 wks, my son will be 3 about 2 wks after this baby is born, and he has certainly been more clingy with me lately. I recently started modified bedrest but he is still climbing up in my lap and don't even get me started on what a horror he is at bedtime for my husband. DH has been amazing but if I don't do the bedtime ritual, the toddler just stands at his door, screams and strips naked.

I can only assume that your LO will ultimately adjust to her new sibling. I am so concerned about those early weeks with the new baby. Is there a neighbor or someone she can have lots of playdates with? Maybe wear her out during the day to make sure she sleeps good at night?

Best of luck!

[Anonymous]

bringing the 3 year old a present from baby is very important. talk up the fun and responsibility of being a big brother/sister.

at the end of the day though going from one to two is a huge adjustment for the first - you go from being the center of the world to just one of several, and even if you do everything right it is a tough time for number 1 and it may take a few months to settle down.

[Anonymous]

My DD was 2 yrs old when our DS arrived and she took his arrival pretty badly. We tried to prepare her as much as possible, but she was very unhappy when we brought him home. She became very clingy and cried a lot. She started having problems sleeping--night terrors etc. DH and I were so upset by her reaction, but thankfully it didn't last long. We tried to give her as much attention as possible, keep to her normal routine, and didn't force her to acknowledge the baby. She pretty much ignored him for the first two weeks, but then started talking to him and then moved on to hugging him, kissing him etc. After a month or so it was as if he had always been there and she became very sweet with him. Your DD is a little older and it might be a bit more of an adjustment, but rest assured she will adapt to the new situation.

[Anonymous]

So, a bit of a spinoff, but what things are you telling the older DC that makes it seem "fun and responsible" to be the big sister/brother? The only things I can think of are "you get to do XYZ and babies don't".

[Anonymous]

also a tiny bit of a spinoff, but to the PPs: how was your child responding to news of sibling BEFORE said sibling actually arrived? our daughter actually seems quite loving and protective toward her unborn baby brother -- kissing my belly and talking to him and referring to him as "my baby brother" etc. etc. i realize that of course his actual arrival is going to rock her world (and probably not in a good way!), but am just curious if everyone's kid is great ... until the new baby comes home! thanks!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:also a tiny bit of a spinoff, but to the PPs: how was your child responding to news of sibling BEFORE said sibling actually arrived? our daughter actually seems quite loving and protective toward her unborn baby brother -- kissing my belly and talking to him and referring to him as "my baby brother" etc. etc. i realize that of course his actual arrival is going to rock her world (and probably not in a good way!), but am just curious if everyone's kid is great ... until the new baby comes home! thanks!

My 3 yo has also been loving and seems excited. I'm hoping that means she will be a more accepting of her new sibling. We got her a new baby doll for Christmas, with some accessories - diaper bag, cloth diapers, etc. I'm planning on playing up the "mommy's helper" roll because she already wants to do everything herself. You might try playing up how big of a help your older child will be and how he/she will get to do things the baby can't and teach the baby how do to 'big kid' stuff, etc.

[Anonymous]

Update from OP:

3 year old ignored baby for the first 2 days, now calls her "my baby." The anticipation and buildup was worse for her than the actuality. We are not in the clear yet and she still has some of the issues she had before, but these might be due to her personality or stage of development, not the baby.

We've been playing up the differences as PPs mentioned and asking her a lot of questions like, "What do you think the baby will like to play when she's a little older?" Since she sleeps so much in these early days, it feels a bit like Weekend at Bernie's but I think she is adjusting well. We had her help wash the baby and I pumped a bottle just so that DD could feed her. (I don't recommend this...DD was pushing bottle into her mouth, getting hands all over nipple, ugh).

[Anonymous]

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