Did Ellyn Sater NOT work for you?

[Anonymous]

So I've read "Child of Mine" and I dig the theories. It's just not working for us. We really are following it to a T. When DD doesn't like what is served, she really won't eat it. We don't offer her extras until the next meal or snack (or the next day if it's dinner). We do offer a small portion of the food we know she's most likely to eat. Well sometimes that's fruit, which is great, but she's got a fast metabolism and can have a hard blood sugar crash if she doesn't eat something of substance. And I can't get her to dip her apples in PB or other nut butter, which would be ideal. At one point do you then encourage them to eat something substantial even if it's breaking the "rules"?

[Anonymous]

I've not read Child of Mine but I do have kids with food issues and read Just Take a Bite. The first half of the book deals mostly with kids who have physical challenges that interfere with eating. The second half is practical strategies to getting kids to eat. We eat meals together, there is always at least one preferred food on the table, everyone gets a little bit of everything on their plate (including dessert if you serve it) but they don't have to eat any of it. They can eat as much as they like (or as much as you put out) or as little as they like of anything. We also serve about 1/2 cup of warm milk before bed. We work hard not to make food a power struggle. If they eat, they eat. If they don't, they don't but they might be hungry and when they get hungry their tummies hurt (remember when your tummy hurt?). We also take them to the grocery store with us and let them pick out food to try - even if that means I have to pay a dollar more for the Disney Princess spaghetti O's. I've learned that we usually have to try the food immediately at home because if I wait a day or two, the excitement of having it has worn off and they won't try it. Trader Joe's is also a good place to try stuff.

The kids can earn a 'motivator' (extra time on the Wii, an extra story, a star for the chart, etc) for trying new food or eating a bite of an unpreferred food. They can also spit it out if they don't like it. The important thing is to try. As the kids have gotten older, this has become more motivating. We also plan a lot of our meals in advance, writing them on a calendar and involving them in the preparation as much as possible (sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't). We've also recently been using meal replacement drinks (like Boost) because of challenge we have getting everyone up and out in the morning. I used to be opposed to them but they are very practical and our developmental pediatrician recommended them.

Yes, this is a lot of work but we try and keep it up as much as we can. Again, we don't let it become a power issue and try to keep it as emotionally neutral as possible. Our OT runs a feeding group but we can't afford to participate. She's given us a lot of tips, including the observation that peer pressure is much more effective than parental/sibling pressure. Hope that helps.

[Anonymous]

I just want to say that Google creeps me out, because as I'm reading this post about giving children a replacement drink, I notice an add for Boost "Kid Essentials" off to the side of the screen.....

[Anonymous]

Thanks, 20:39, great thoughts! But what do you do if your child opts to not eat very much or eats something rather insubstantial and then has a tantrum later because they're hungry and it's only 30-45 minutes after the meal/snack?

[Anonymous]

I follow Ellen Satter's theories, but my weakness is bedtime snacks. We do a not-insubstantial snack most nights because my oldest (6) often does not eat enough at dinner and is hungry and I do not want to deal with a hungry child all night that is not sleeping well. The 2 1/2 year old eats great, but she is also up for a snack and I try to be fair. Neither child has any kind of weight problem and both are very active.

On the bright side, I have kids who love some vegetables, many fruits, and eat a decent amount of protein and do not particularly like juice. I have resisted pushing any foods and the result is kids who love sweets as much as the next child but can (and often do) easily walk away from a cookie, cupcake, ice cream or whatever if they are not hungry, which is really my goal with Ellen Satter's methods, to not make food an issue and to help them keep in touch with their natural hunger cues.

The older one who is the picky eater also has an expectation that she will like a lot more foods as she gets older and she likes some foods now that I hated as a child. She has said things to me like "you make the best brown rice mommy" (comparing mine to our neighbor's) and "the broccoli at school is much better than yours", both of which I think are kind of funny for a 6 year old that is generally a pretty picky eater.

Which is a long way of saying that I do not think you lose all the benefits if you do not follow it to the letter.

[Anonymous]

I think you can follow the Sater book...but it doesn't have to be to a "t" if it doesn't work for you. Remember, it's just a book - like all the sleep books you probably read during the infant period and they can have some good info but it's not the be all and end all for every child and every family.

What we do (2 and 5 year olds and 5 year old is underweight which definitely influences our strategy)

Breakfast and lunch we do items they are pretty definitely likely to eat, with some choices given (i.e. English muffin or bagel)

Dinner is what I choose to make, BUT I do supplement their plates if I'm not sure they are going to go for what I'm making for dinner and I try to make sure there is at least one thing on the plate they are pretty sure to eat if hungry. We also do a small dessert/bedtime snack about an hour after dinner and I will do easy healthy snacks if they are still hungry - usually glass of milk with banana or yogurt and fruit.

[Anonymous]

I read Ellyn Satter's book and decided "not for me." She's anti-breastfeeding and thinks that people like me (who prefer organic and whole foods) are kooks. Just not into her stuff. A friend of mine tried using it for her off-the-charts baby and said it made her issues worse.

[Anonymous]

I've never read that book - but I find most books about kids - even the ones I sort of "buy into" can never be followed to a "t." You have to figure out what works for you. If you think you need to bend a few of the rules, bend them. If you find its not working and you just try another approach, dump the first approach altogethor. There is no one solution that fits every kid. If there were - there would be one big parenting book, and that would be all we needed. Think of how boring it would be - there would be no need for DCUM

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I read Ellyn Satter's book and decided "not for me." She's anti-breastfeeding and thinks that people like me (who prefer organic and whole foods) are kooks. Just not into her stuff. A friend of mine tried using it for her off-the-charts baby and said it made her issues worse.

21:50 here. Which book did you read? I read Child of Mine, but not front to back as I picked it up when I was starting solids and breastfeeding was going well so I skipped whatever she said on that front. I did not read her as being anti-organic, but perhaps that is in another book. What I took away from her writing as key were the strategies for not making food a battle ground, letting children decide how much and what they want to eat within the boundaries of parent setting the when/where and choices. She is also very much anti any kind of pressure to just try one bite with a child. Her theories are actually very respectful of the ability of children to make appropriate choices for themselves over time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I just want to say that Google creeps me out, because as I'm reading this post about giving children a replacement drink, I notice an add for Boost "Kid Essentials" off to the side of the screen.....

Same creepy thing when you look at Amazon's products. Also, Williams Sonoma has started sending e-mails with the message, "Thank you for your interest in ______."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I read Ellyn Satter's book and decided "not for me." She's anti-breastfeeding and thinks that people like me (who prefer organic and whole foods) are kooks. Just not into her stuff. A friend of mine tried using it for her off-the-charts baby and said it made her issues worse.

oh, brother. Here's what Ellyn Satter herself has to say about the breastfeeding hullabaloo:

http://www.ellynsatter.com/information.php?info_id=136

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I've not read Child of Mine but I do have kids with food issues and read Just Take a Bite. The first half of the book deals mostly with kids who have physical challenges that interfere with eating. The second half is practical strategies to getting kids to eat. We eat meals together, there is always at least one preferred food on the table, everyone gets a little bit of everything on their plate (including dessert if you serve it) but they don't have to eat any of it. They can eat as much as they like (or as much as you put out) or as little as they like of anything. We also serve about 1/2 cup of warm milk before bed. We work hard not to make food a power struggle. If they eat, they eat. If they don't, they don't but they might be hungry and when they get hungry their tummies hurt (remember when your tummy hurt?). We also take them to the grocery store with us and let them pick out food to try - even if that means I have to pay a dollar more for the Disney Princess spaghetti O's. I've learned that we usually have to try the food immediately at home because if I wait a day or two, the excitement of having it has worn off and they won't try it. Trader Joe's is also a good place to try stuff.

The kids can earn a 'motivator' (extra time on the Wii, an extra story, a star for the chart, etc) for trying new food or eating a bite of an unpreferred food. They can also spit it out if they don't like it. The important thing is to try. As the kids have gotten older, this has become more motivating. We also plan a lot of our meals in advance, writing them on a calendar and involving them in the preparation as much as possible (sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't). We've also recently been using meal replacement drinks (like Boost) because of challenge we have getting everyone up and out in the morning. I used to be opposed to them but they are very practical and our developmental pediatrician recommended them.

Yes, this is a lot of work but we try and keep it up as much as we can. Again, we don't let it become a power issue and try to keep it as emotionally neutral as possible. Our OT runs a feeding group but we can't afford to participate. She's given us a lot of tips, including the observation that peer pressure is much more effective than parental/sibling pressure. Hope that helps.

Not the OP, but thank you for the recommendation on Just Take a Bite. My son has severe food aversions, so I will definitely see if this book can help.