DS Has Weird Hobby. Should I limit how he spends own money?

[Anonymous]

I don't give my younger teen an allowance, but I occasionally pay him for chores, and he sometimes earns money doing odd jobs for others or receives money from relatives as a gift. My question is whether I should limit how he spends his own money. He has developed what I think is a really weird interest -- in men's fragrance, of all things, and he wants to build a collection of many different, and expensive, kinds. I gather some adults do this, and it seems really strange to me, and wasteful -- sort of like Imelda Marcos's shoes. You can only wear one at a time! Every time DS saves up $50 or $60, he wants to buy another bottle, and he has several already. Should I prohibit him from buying more just because it seems extravagant to me, or should I let him learn his own lesson? That's what happened when he was younger with the football cards that are now gathering dust in a shoebox. Do other people insist that their teens put some percentage of their money in the bank and/or donate to charity? Do they have to ask your permission before making purchases with their own money? TIA.

[Anonymous]

I have a tween so I may not be the best qualified to answer. My immediate response is - thank goodness it is not drugs, alcohol, cigarettes, tattoos, violent video games, music with sexist lyrics, etc., etc. I do agree it seems like a BIG waste of money, but it could be something so much worse. I try to encourage my tween to give to charity by offering to double what he gives. This hasn't worked too well. I try to model generosity by being generous myself but do not force him to be generous. As far as encouraging saving money I encourage him to save for things he wants and talk to him about our finances, but I don't have any systematic way to encourage him to save money in the bank (probably should start that). Good luck!

[Anonymous]

My tween and his cousin both went through a phase where they collected fragrances (thankfully not the really expensive ones!) Mine collected all the different AXE deodorants. It might seem odd, but I agree with the poster above--it's totally harmless. Similar to a female tween collecting lip glosses and nail polish , IMO.

[Anonymous]

I think you should force him to save a certain percentage in long term savings.
My wish my parents had done so. My friend's parents did and when she left for a college she had several thousand in spending money and didn't need to get a credit card and into debt in college. I on the other hand, only had a few hundred hastily saved up the summer before college, got a couple credit cards, paid the debt off forever...

[Anonymous]

I strongly disagree with PP. This is the perfect time for your son to learn what spending money frivolously feels like. If you forbid him from frittering away his own money now, he'll never develop that inborn sense of how to limit himself on his own (and he might become resentful because you're telling him what to do with what he earned). Eventually you won't be around to tell him not to waste money on something, so he needs to be self-regulating.

Just don't give in and give him money if he wants something but can't afford it because he's spent his money on cologne. Otherwise he won't learn because he'll get the impression he can waste all he wants with no downside.

Another idea would be to sit down and have a discussion with him about saving some of his money voluntarily -- tell him you'll take him to the bank and open up a savings account for him in his own name if he'll commit to putting a certain amount in every week. Also an excellent way for him to learn about finances.

[Anonymous]

Aw, he's trying to smell good for the ladies (or men). He'll be looking for more cash once he finds a GF (or BF).

[Anonymous]

OP again. Thanks for the feedback. I'm glad nobody (who has responded so far) seems to think my son is a freak, which was my first response! He does have expensive tastes, though. He has a savings account but hasn't added to it forever. I'll talk to DH and see how he thinks we should handle it.

[Anonymous]

OMG your DS is so not a freak. I know kids who have collected fragrances, shoes, video games and a million other things that I would think are wasteful. But, then I have to consider that I love clothes and have a great woredrobe - way more than necessary. I also love to do certain crafts. Not a school project comes up that we ever need a trip to Michaels because I can probably find all the supplies we need in the closet. But, I never spend more than is in my budget. And, most of my adult friends are the same. Some have jewelry budgets, some clothing budgets, some have scrapbooking budgets, etc. So, I guess what I'm saying is that your DS is growing up. So long as he isn't borrowing money and he isn't buying contraband or things that you find immoral and so long as he is using his money to buy things like Christmas presents for his family or whatever else you expect that he uses his money for, leave it be.

[Anonymous]

Oh, OP, but could you please have a talk with your son about not using too much cologne? (Maybe he knows better, but just in case.) I work with some men who obviously were never taught how to use cologne. They drench themselves in it (and skip the shower!) It's so awful.

Someone should only be able to smell the scent on you if they are hugging distance or closer! Don't let your cologne waft all over innocent bystanders.

[Anonymous]

Sympathies. Can't stand that my tween wants to spend her money (earned by making & selling jewelry) on crap. I try to nod and smile at the green nail polish bc I know it's harmless, and she is learning to save some ($, not green ail polish) in a bank account. But I just shudder at the whole thing... patience, patience...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think you should force him to save a certain percentage in long term savings.
My wish my parents had done so. My friend's parents did and when she left for a college she had several thousand in spending money and didn't need to get a credit card and into debt in college. I on the other hand, only had a few hundred hastily saved up the summer before college, got a couple credit cards, paid the debt off forever...

We do this and let DD spend the rest on whatever her little heart desires....except if its too tight or inappropriate (occasionally these things happen- then we pay her for the cost of the item and hopefully return it, but at a minimum get it out of circulation.)

For cologne, I'd let him do whatever he wants with it, but would mandate some savings. I bought a condo with the 7k I'd gradually accumulated and invested - it was my closing costs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Oh, OP, but could you please have a talk with your son about not using too much cologne? (Maybe he knows better, but just in case.) I work with some men who obviously were never taught how to use cologne. They drench themselves in it (and skip the shower!) It's so awful.

Someone should only be able to smell the scent on you if they are hugging distance or closer! Don't let your cologne waft all over innocent bystanders.

LOL - just had the talk with my DD the other day about how eau de parfum and eau de toilette mean ONE squirt - not like body spray (which I also wish meant one squirt- can't stand fruity body fragrances...) LOVE these years. (Sarcasm!)

[Anonymous]

My 11 year old would spend every cent he can get a hands on on bakugan or Yugioh or beyblades or similar collectible junk. I cringe, but I let him do it. I don't really see a difference between the junk my kid chooses and cologne.