Feeling sad about friends conceiving number 2.

[Anonymous]

I feel horrible saying this, b/c I want to be happy for my friends. I have a beautiful child and am TTC number 2. It seems like all my mom friends are getting pregnant at once with number 2, and I feel resentful. And, then awful for feeling resentful. Part of the problem is 2 friends in particular. They live about 30 mins away. One recently had a baby, but for the 9 months of her pregnancy she never wanted to drive to see me b/c she wasn't feeling up to it. Now the other friend is pregnant and I just got an email suggesting that I come to their neighborhood again b/c friend number 2 may not feel up to driving. I guess I feel like (1) really? I was never so tired I couldn't drive when I was pregnant. I flew a red-eye cross country and was fine and (2), I just feel envious and know that all they will talk about is baby number 2.

No real question here. Just a vent. Ultimately, I have a wonderful life and beautiful child. So, I shouldn't feel this way. But, I wish I could be happier for my friends.

[Anonymous]

No real advice, just a comment that I totally understand. And you feel how you feel -- no need to feel guilty on top of everything else!

[Anonymous]

I feel the same way too ... I am TTC #2. It's been really hard when most of the moms in my playgroup have gotten pregnant at the same time so all the talk was preg stuff all the time. It's hard and I really hate admitting that I am a little jealous, so I can totally relate. I had a miscarriage (it was early on and no one knew I was pregnant) that happened around the same time that one of the moms had #2. That was hard. I felt so alone. Anyway, no real advice except that I hope it happens for you soon.

[Anonymous]

Same here. In playgroup, 2 of the moms conceived accidentally, w/o trying, right away and I burn when I see them. I cry after they leave. I can barely talk to my SIL who won't try to conceive 'until January b/c that way I can get most of the pregnancy done before the heat of the summer". It is hard. You are entitled to feel sad, angry, bitter -- IF is all of those things and more. For all of us who struggle I wish the easiest path possible.

[Anonymous]

I went through this painful experience as well. Every single mom in two playgroups got pregnant with a second & some with a third while I was trying. Not to mention my friends outside of the playgroups, local and not local all got pregnant with 2 and some even a third while I was trying for #2. IT SUCKED! It was the hardest time in my life but guess what? It sure felt good when I was able to send out that email announcing my pregnancy. It took me 5 years and a lot of help but it happened. I never gave up hope. Please don't give up hope! Hang in there, and yes, you are entitled to feel sad, angry and bitter. You may also need to avoid certain events, conversations and circumstances that will upset you. Keep your mind on your goal and be selfish when ou need to. Good luck!

[Anonymous]

Another person chiming in to say I know how you feel!

[Anonymous]

Me, too. Hang in there OP. As hard as it is to do sometimes, think of the positives. Life is way too short to dwell over something youreally don't have control over. There are a ton of us out here with singletons so maybe a new playgroup is in order!

[Anonymous]

How about a playgroup for those of us trying for #2 but having a hard time? I have a 2yr old son and after multiple failed IVF attempts don't know if we'll be able to have another!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How about a playgroup for those of us trying for #2 but having a hard time? I have a 2yr old son and after multiple failed IVF attempts don't know if we'll be able to have another!

I would love this! I have a 2yr old daughter and after 2 failed IUIs and a failed IVF, I'm giving up.

[Anonymous]

I posted about this awhile back. If you are a SAHM, playgroups are the absolute worst because the majority of the conversation is about kids anyway. I'm the only one in my playgroup who isn't pregnant or hasn't had a second. When DDs playmates started showing up with the "I'm a big brother/sister t-shirts" I found that it was a really good time for me mentally to take a break from the playgroup scene. I am happy for my Mom friends but I don't need to be reminded of my own fertility problems on a constant basis. In the meantime, I've made friends with some other Moms in DDs classes and while they have other children, the conversation doesn't revolve around pregnancy and siblings which has been really refreshing.

I think for a spell I was so focused on trying for #2 that I lost sight of how special my relationship with DD is. Now, I'm enjoying her company more than ever and I'm planning all of the things we're going to do together in the future. We would welcome another child into our family but if it doesn't happen, we'll be okay. No matter what happens, you will be okay, too, OP. This is just a difficult time to navigate. Enjoy this time with your little one because it doesn't last long!

[Anonymous]

OP here. Thanks everyone. It is nice to know others share my feelings. Now I don't feel like such a horrible person! And, thanks 14:07, for the reminder that time with my LO is short. Definitely something I don't want to lose sight of!

[Anonymous]

OP how old are you?how was #1 conceived? I had DD at 39 after IUI and DS at 41 with IVF..

[Anonymous]

Just a small point about how tired your two friends were/are while pregnant with #2. It is surprisingly more tiring to be pregnant when you already have one. I know you would trade that tiredness a thousand times for the joy of being pregnant with #2. And do whatever you need to do in terms of seeing them or not seeing them to protect yourself.