SIL gift etiquette

[Anonymous]

My SIL buys her clothes mostly from Target, Old Navy, and outlets. I tend to shop at stores that are the next step up from that--more like J. Crew, Ann Taylor, and Banana. In the end SIL probably spends more on clothes than I do, but she just has more stuff. I am thinking of getting her clothes for Christmas and I'd like to spend around $100-120. The question is, do I buy from "her" stores or from "my" stores? At "my" stores the $100 would get maybe a nice sweater and a pair of socks. At "her" stores it could probably buy 3 sweaters or a whole outfit. I'm totally open to buying something other than clothes but can't think of anything that doesn't present the same issue--e.g. if I wanted to buy her lotions/cosmetics, would I buy her a big huge basket from Bath & Body Works (what she would probably buy) or a few smaller things from Kiehl's (what I would buy)?

There is definitely an undercurrent of wierdness about the fact that DH and I are financially better off than SIL/BIL. They both have good jobs and are far from poor but they make a lot less than we do. They are SUPER generous to us at the holidays (overly so, sometimes) and we want to be generous in return. And while I don't need my SIL to know the exact amount I spent, I do want her to know that we didn't cheap out. She's a great girl but easily offended and I don't want to step on her toes.

Thoughts?

[Anonymous]

Honestly? You're way overthinking this. If you see something nice at a store, just buy it for her!

[Anonymous]

Donate to charity.

[Anonymous]

Buy based on her look or the styles you see her wear, not based on where the clothes are from. It's not like Target is a different style from the stores you shop at.

If you know she likes chunky sweaters, for example, get one from a nicer store if you want to.

Be aware that she might not want dry clean only clothes. That's a big reason why I stopped shopping at some of the nicer stores after kids. Or she might not like the feel of wool or cashmere (allergies, etc.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Honestly? You're way overthinking this. If you see something nice at a store, just buy it for her!

I agree.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Buy based on her look or the styles you see her wear, not based on where the clothes are from. It's not like Target is a different style from the stores you shop at.

If you know she likes chunky sweaters, for example, get one from a nicer store if you want to.

Be aware that she might not want dry clean only clothes. That's a big reason why I stopped shopping at some of the nicer stores after kids. Or she might not like the feel of wool or cashmere (allergies, etc.)

OP here. You are absolutely right about the styles. They are very similar, which is why I think maybe she doesn't see the value in spending a bit more money. Good point about the drycleaning, too--I will keep an eye out.

And yes I am overthinking but as I said, this girl is VERY easily offended.

[Anonymous]

I would give her a gift card instead, unless you are absolutely sure you're going to get her something she will wear. I really don't like receiving clothes as presents because the majority of the time it is not my style.

[Anonymous]

We're in the same boat OP, so we decided that adults would not exchange gifts, but only give to each other's children. Problem solved.

[Anonymous]

I would not buy from "your" stores, maybe it is a style/fit issue as well as a price point issue. So if you buy her something that doesn't fit her and/or that she doesn't like, she will now have a credit at a store that doesn't really excite her to shop at. I try to buy gifts for my SIL from places like Macys where I can be sure she will find something that she can exchange it for.

[Anonymous]

We are in similar situations, OP. My SIL shops mostly at thrift stores and when I worked at Banana Republic in college, I would always buy stuff for her from there-cashmere sweaters, etc. Same goes for beauty products. She buys stuff from Walgreens, but I got her nice stuff from Sephora. I don't think she was ever offended, but she did make some comments about me spoiling her. My view is, I like to get people special things that they wouldn't buy for themselves.

Could you compromise and get her something from the Gap? They have some nice, more casual stuff that is a step up from Old Navy but not as pricey as Banana or JCrew. Also, if she likes Bath and Body works, I see no reason not to get her a big basket from there. Or just get her some earrings or something?

[Anonymous]

One year my BIL gave me such a great gift. He picked three stores that I love (Sephora, Bloomingdales and PINK) and gave me $50 gift cards to each of the stores. Maybe that is something you want to consider like gift cards to Old Navy, Target and Bath and Body Works. Gift cards from those places always work because the person can buy whatever they want.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:One year my BIL gave me such a great gift. He picked three stores that I love (Sephora, Bloomingdales and PINK) and gave me $50 gift cards to each of the stores. Maybe that is something you want to consider like gift cards to Old Navy, Target and Bath and Body Works. Gift cards from those places always work because the person can buy whatever they want.

As an adult, my father (who never buys me gifts anymore ... and I don't expect them either!) did exactly this. It was my favorite Christmas ever. He purchased GC's to Nordstrom, Coach and Gap and I was one happy girl.

[Anonymous]

As a poster that buys from both your stores and her stores....

I would buy her one really nice gift. I find I buy from Target, NY&Co, etc when I feel guilty about spending too much on myself. If I had no guilt and more money I'd buy the nicer stuff all of the time.

[Anonymous]

I'd rather have a gift (with gift receipt - just in case) than a gift card. Gift cards are impersonable or say "I'm a man, and don't know what to get you."