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best way to leave DD at daycare?
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Anonymous
| we just started bringing my 14 month old DD to daycare. up until now, she has been with my husband and I . She is not too happy about being left, and I am wondering people's thoughts on how to leave. The past two days I have snuck out, hoping she would not notice, but about an hour after I left she would start crying for me. I feel mean doing it, but I am afraid if I stop and tell her I'm leaving, she will freak out completely. In the past, she has been known to cling to me and scream when I leave for work, which is terrible for both of us. Any help is appreciated!! |
Anonymous
I have recently dealt with a similar situation. I started bring my 16-month old DD to a twice weekly morning play group that is co-op run, so I get to drop her off when I'm not "on duty." The first time I left her I snuck out, and I felt awful about it. Afterwards I did some research and learned that it is not recommended to sneak away because it could lead to "trust issues" later on. I'm not sure about that, but I could see how they may always wonder if you're going to sneak away when they're not looking. So now I say goodbye, give her a kiss and know that she has seen me leave. I can hear her crying when I'm walking out the door, which is REALLY hard, but according to the parents and teachers who are watching her, she only cries for short period of time and then goes about playing as if nothing happened. And when I return to pick her up a few hours later she looks at me like "oh, you're back. whatever...." and continues playing as opposed to running into my arms. I never know if this should upset me (that she's not happier to see me) or if it's a good thing that she's adjusted so well. 
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Anonymous
Hello, my friend, I know it's tough. Hang in there. Do me a favor, don't sneak out. It's to tramautic when they turn and your not there. Just give her a kiss and hug, and tell her you'll be back and leave. Don't hang at the door or look through the window, etc. Usually after you leave, the teachers can redirect them. I saw this alot when I taught. Good luck and be strong. You can do it. THe great zucchini |
Anonymous
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It's hard, I understand. My daughter has had separation anxiety when we dropped her at daycare for overa month and it seemed like it would never end, but she is fine now. Definitely, as PP said, don't sneak out. It really only eases your conscience because you don't have to see her cry, but it actually instills distrust in her for you. Some of the best advice I got was to:
- Get a routine for leaving - for a while at least try to have the same person drop her off, in the same circumstances and do the same thing. This way she'll know what to expect. - Tell her what is going to happen, making sure to tell her who is going to pick her up and if you have a way to tell her "when" in reference to something they do at daycare, do it. Be careful though what you say though because if you end up later than that time, it could be disastrous (i speak from experience). - Come up with a way to "give" her something to take all day. Randomly one day, I caught a kiss, put it in her shoe and told her all day long she would have a kiss from mommy. After a day or two, she stopped looking at me like i was crazy and understood. May not work as well for a 14 month old, but you never know what they'll understand. If she can bring something from home with her, that may be good. - Leave quickly without emotion. you can spend a few minutes holding her and reassuring her, but when you say "bye", give her a kiss and leave. Don't look back and don't return. She will cry and cling and it will be horrible to leave (again..experience) but that is the best for her. Hang in there, it does get better and when she gets comfortable at daycare and understands that you will come back, she will be fine. |
Anonymous
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OP, all the previous comments are great. I left my DS last year at daycare when he was 18 months, and the whole thing was way harder on me then on him. I was fortunate that the daycare (silver spring ymca) let me hang in the room for 2 weeks prior to leaving him for good. I would just seat in a corner without interacting with him or the other children, but that gave him a chance to get used to his new environment and friends knowing that i was around. We would also stay only in the morning then. After two weeks, I explained to him (don't know if he got it), that I wouldn't be able to stay anymore but that he should keep playing with his friends. As one PP had said, I was told to be tender but matter-of-factly about it; give a big kiss, hug, say goodbye, will pick you up very soon, and then leave. No hanging by the door with a sorry face while he's crying his heart out. THAT was the hard part... for me. I was told, and witnessed for myself later on, that within 5 minutes the crying was over and fun time had started. Now a year later, I have to drag him out of there at the end of the day ;o) Putting him in daycare was on of the best parenting decisions we've made. So hang in there.
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Anonymous
You know, I am beginning to think the GZ should write a parenting book - and I am being very sincere! He is SPOT ON in his advice not to just sneak out. It can make for a very nervous and insecure kid - not know if the minute their eyes are off of you you are going to bolt without warning. Also to the GZ - I just think you rock. Your comments are always so gentle and supportive and I really appreciate reading them. My little boy is only a year and a half but I hope we all get to see you perform soon! Thanks for weighing in in such a thoughtful way. |
Anonymous
I just checked in and saw what you wrote. You made my day. Thank you for your kind words and please come introduce yourself at a future show. The great zucchini |
Anonymous
| OP here,Thanks for all of your great responses, I had a feeling in my gut that sneaking out was not the way to go. We will change it up next week and try to get a routing going. Thanks again, and Happy MOther's Day!! |
Anonymous
| One more vote for not sneaking out! My son had terrible separation anxiety and it took us months to get him settled at school. The teachers and administrators stressed that the best thing to do is say goodbye so that they can understand it's the transition to a new part of the day. Also for us sticking around until he got comfortable was simply not an option. It didn't ease his separation anxiety for me to spend an hour or two in the classroom like a lot of the advice I'd received - his teachers explained he needed to learn to be soothed by other people, and so advised us not to prolong the drop-off. It worked and although it was hard on everyone! it was the only way he was going to let me leave him with anyone else!! Good luck - it does get easier!! |
Anonymous
| I previously posted about staying to help the child get comfortable in the setting. Just to clarify, I meant for a few minutes (5-10 max), not for hours - that would be silly. I agree with saying goodbye, hopefully after child is playing or is with one of the caregivers. |
Anonymous
| my dd is 2.5 yo now and been going to daycare since she was 4 months old. In the past 6-12 months, she started crying when I dropped her off, so I would sit with her while she was eating her breakfast at daycare. After she finished her breakfast, some days she'd run off to play with the kids/toys and other days, she'd sit a few minutes longer with me before running off. She stopped crying when I left. I said bye-bye, a kiss, or a high five, and then I left. No more crying. |
Anonymous
| Another vote for not sneaking out, telling DD I love you, and quickly kissing DD and telling her you will be back. You could make it specific and say after X (X meaning snack, story, whatever it is, if you know what she typically does right before you get there). Lingering or letting her see you thru the window only makes the transition harder. Most kids stop crying within 5 min after mom leaves b/c they are happily engaged in some other activity. Trust me, she is not crying all day -- you should ask the teachers if you are unsure about that! Good luck! |