Is it rude to send a health-related link to someone?

[Anonymous]

Visited MIL over T-day and she mentioned to me that she avoids exercise and especially lifting anything because she's at an increased risk of osteoporosis (hysterectomy 2 years ago). She's young, not yet sixty. I mentioned to her that exercise, especially weight bearing exercise, actually helps to prevent osteoporisis. She looked like she didn't believe this and we changed topics. She's generally not savvy on health stuff (she wouldn't say this--she has a lot of health beliefs, stuff from a different time and place, things I would say are incorrect or old wives' tales).

I am going to email her to thank her for hosting us and to send on some information about something else she asked me about (not health related). Is it rude to include a link to a reputable source on the osteo issue as a "btw" thing?

[Anonymous]

Not at all, it shows you care if you express yourself in suitably concerned terms. The consensus is that regular exercise (esp. weight-lifting) and calcium (milk, supplements, etc) significantly decrease risk for osteoporosis.

Be sure to tell her she should consult a doctor and probably start with gentle senior classes at a gym, or even physical therapy - if she has not exercised in years, she could very easily hurt herself.

[Anonymous]

I think (based on your limited in formation) that she'll take offense. If she had been interested, I'd have a different opinion.

For example, my mother often sends me links that offend me because I read it as criticism, i.e., link on unhealthfulness of lunch meats means I'm a bad parent for giving my kids deli turkey.

I can easily see your MIL take a link above as criticism of her lifestyle and not a well-meant effort.

On the other hand, maybe encouraging her to go to the doctor to get her bone density tested (and incidentally good advice) would would work. Or maybe a generalized book on osteoporosis (that doesn't focus on the issue you discussed).

[Anonymous]

Yes, it's rude.

I'm sure by now she knows that exercise is good for her. If she doesn't have a reason to exercise now, you showing her an article isn't going to do anything but make you look smug.

My mother is the type of person who does this all of the time. It's not cute or helpful.

[Anonymous]

you could present it as - this is an information source my doc recomended about osteo info...

[Anonymous]

OP here--to clarify. I didn't and wouldn't tell her she needs to adopt an exercise program per se (that would be great but I agree it's obvious and rude to suggest). The osteo/exercise thing came up because she told me she thinks it's dangerous for her bones for her to lift a sack of groceries or a gallon of milk. I just want her to know that doing these normal, daily activities are actually good for her bones and not to be avoided.

[Anonymous]

OP, I would send such a link to my mother, but not my MIL. I don't get the sense that she'd appreciate this information coming from you.

If you guys are on facebook together you could post the info on your own page and she could see it there.

[Anonymous]

Would you appreciate it if she send you a link for a plastic surgeon for a nose job? Seriously, MYOB. You are rude.

[Anonymous]

You are one of those annoying know it alls and yes I am the PP. Why is this your business? I'm sure she has a doctor.

[Anonymous]

If she'd asked you for more information, then fine. But she didn't and if she's interested in what you said, she may look it up herself or ask her doctor.

If I were your MIL, I'd think that you were trying to prove a point and insinuating that I was lazy. So I'd take offense.

[Anonymous]

Give her a subscription to Prevention--lots of good health info for her age group. Have your husband's name on the gift card.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Give her a subscription to Prevention--lots of good health info for her age group. Have your husband's name on the gift card.

I think 99% of MILs would see right through DH's name on the card and know from whom it really is. Backfire.

[Anonymous]

It depends on your relationship? Are you close? Did she seem like she would want more information? If so - send it. If not, it may not be a good idea.

The tone of the email also matters. A more informational "after our conversation I saw this and I thought you may be interested in this..." would be better received then "this link says you can exercise afterall"

I sent medically related information to the parents of the boy I nannied for. He was 6 months old and had just been diagnosed with neutropenia, so I had done some research on it and I sent them some links about foods that help support the immune system and foods that are good for kids with low white blood cell counts. They weren't offended.

[Anonymous]

Maybe she uses this "health issue" to get her husband to help with the groceries? I wouldn't want to wreck that for her.

[Anonymous]

I was the first poster who responded and I am shocked at some of the other answers: why are you so touchy and so afraid other people would be touchy too? Health is not the kind of trivial subject one can afford to be touchy about!

None of my family, in-laws or close friends would take offense at receiving a medical email, and I certainly would not.

If I do not agree with the article sent to me or my situation does not correspond with what the sender perceives it to be, then I just ignore it. But I do not harbor ill feelings towards that caring sender.

Maybe this is because DH is a doctor and I am a scientist, but it seems truly irresponsible to leave loved ones ignorant of vital information that is sure to significantly affect their health. Once they have the info, then they are at liberty to do what they like. But don't assume they will get the info somewhere else. People can stick their head in the sand to an incredible degree.