In Search of Helpful Responses Only

[Anonymous]

Hello I am a parent of color seeking advice from Independent School Parents of any race. However only helpful responses are requested How do your children cope with being the minority in their Independent School? Has it been challenging for him/her to make friends? If so how have you assisted them with making the adjustment. Also, do you feel like you are apart of the school community? Do you find that some schools value diversity more than others and make greater efforts to ensure your child feels welcomed? If so please share the school names and reasons for your feelings. Thank - you in advance for your responses!! From a family seeking an independent education for our African - American son where he will be nutured and well educated!

[Anonymous]

We're a white family that looked at (and applied to) Georgetown Day School for our child. She didn't get in, but one of the elements that we liked was their stated valuing of diversity of all kinds, so GDS might be one place for you to look.

From their website:

"Georgetown Day School first opened its doors in 1945 as an integrated school in a segregated city. Governed by a Board of Trustees elected by the parent body and administered by an appointed Head of School, it was founded by seven families who wanted to create a school committed not only to academic excellence and educational innovation but also to a value system emphasizing appreciation and respect for others. Because they wanted children of all races to learn together, the founders established GDS as a school where all would be welcome."

[Anonymous]

In the greater metropolitan area, I am not sure whether an African American child is that unusual that your son will be unique in any school in our area. Unusual, if it exists here, might be a child of lesbian or gay parents. An adopted child of another race or nationality. A child adopted at an older age through the foster care system. A bi-racial child.

As far as coping, whether your child is in public school or private school, children are so accepting of each other and of the differences in each other. Schools are also so accepting. In my experience as the parent of children who are not of obvious minority status, my kids discuss their minority status a thousand times a day to their friends (OK, I'm exaggerating, but they are very comfortable with and proud of who they are). What I find is that the kids don't have any value judgement with respect to minorities. My kids want brown skin. My brothers' kids want polka dotted skin (freckles all over). All kids that I know like to talk about the degradations of color - and frankly I get amused by the ways that they describe the different colors. I have heard so many different descriptions of brown to black skin that I wish I could remember them to tell you. Most of the kids in our lives wish for two moms instead of just one - not sure what they think about how the dad fits in - and we just don't live the experience of kids with two dads, but I am sure there would be an equally interesting, but accepting, reaction from the kids. All the kids are curious beyond belief and even a little in awe of kids who have lived in other countries. I guess what I am saying is that the kids just embrace the differences. They all envy one thing or another about each other's lives and wish they had it for their own.

On the other hand, the parents of the wonderfully accepting and inclusive children can be quite another story. In that regard, I would have to say that it is me that has to work to fit in and there are days that I get tired. But, I never let my kids see this side of life.

[Anonymous]

My kids go to Lowell School and I would highly recommend it for high quality independent education in a truly diverse environment. Not only are there many African-American kids in all the classes, there are many teachers and administrators of color as well. Right now, the head of the pre-K/Kindergarten program and the assistand head of the school are both African American, as is the admissions director. We are a white family, but chose Lowell in part for the commitment to diversity. From what I have seen, there does not seem to be any difficulty in the kids forming friendships across racial lines and many of my kids closest school friends are of different races than theirs, so it would not seem to be an issue, although you would want to talk to other parents.

[Anonymous]

I am caucasian and my husband is south asian and aside from the schools mentioned, we have also applied to Grace Episcopal Day School (Silver Spring and Kensington) because it has such a diverse student body and everyone seems very tolerant.

[Anonymous]

We are an African American family at GDS, which has a very diverse student population. Our child has had no difficulty at all making friends across racial lines. He really loves the school, the teachers and all the friends he's made. I agree with PPs in that children are extremely accepting of one another. In general, the parents are nice/welcoming. Of course there will always be the occasional parent who thinks you must be one of the financial aid recipients (lest you not be able to afford it) or that your child was admitted based on skin color versus ability/merit. But those are rare. At GDS (and probably most independent schools) you'll find that differences on the outside very much become an after thought in the presence of similarities on the inside. As an African American, you will definitely be among the minority. Some families will have had little if any exposure to African Americans from a social perspective. So it's important that both sides reach out in terms of creating those relationships.

[Anonymous]

We are African American and looked at a wide range of DC Independent Schools. We found that they all were pretty diverse (on par with our kids' public school actually), and pretty welcoming, even the more "conservative" ones. Frankly, I think that our kids today are much more comfortable with all kinds of diversity than previous generations. And bear in mind that many DC Independent Schools attract a more "liberal" parent body than say, schools in Potomac or out in Virgina, and so you are more apt to encounter parents who share the same value systems here. Economic diversity is a whole other matter, however! This being DC, there are a lot of affluent families of color, many of whom are second generation at the schools, so that is something else to consider.

[Anonymous]

I second Grace Episcopal Day School in Silver Spring and Kensington (they have a lower and upper campus). We've had our kids there for five years, and while our family is caucasian, it is an incredibly diverse student body. Lots of families of color, lots of mixed-race families, loads of acceptance and tolerance. It is very welcoming, warm and accepting. It really is a wonderful community, and judging from the playdates we've had throughout the years, color just isn't a factor for the kids or families. And I guess I should say also that our kids are receiving a fabulous education.