Incapable of Sexual Activity (?)

[Anonymous]

I'm a female, married, but with extremely low (almost non-existent) libido. No children yet, not on any medications. I've read threads here or there about libido, supplements, etc, but I'm starting to believe that psychologically I'm "not made" to have intercourse. I know this is an extreme statement, though I'm guessing it's really just a reflection of my self-disappointment/frustration. I've always had low self body image, though don't have issues physically (e.g., not overweight, try to keep fit). Many problems are related to mind over matter, I realize, and maybe talking to someone would help. It's just such a humiliating, isolating problem, and I don't know if I can talk to anyone (certainly not to friends, and others, who also are TTC ... As you can imagine, I'm not having a lot of luck if I can't even get the right mood going). I guess I just wonder if other women out there are in this same boat and can relate, and how you're coping. Thanks everyone.

[Anonymous]

How long has this been the case? There are definitely medical professionals who could potentially be of help. I have a doctor who treats me for something very different but also specializes in this. Not cheap so probably not the first line of treatment but something to consider. http://www.cvvd.org/

Do you feel good about your current relationship? Are you happy in general? Hang in there.

[Anonymous]

Hi PP, thanks for writing and for sharing the resource. I've started taking a look, and it seems there's a lot of useful information available. May I know, have you seen Dr. Goldstein himself, and I take it you are finding the sessions worthwhile?

Your questions are good; I've been this way probably my entire adult life, and I'm sure I could be much happier if I had better self-esteem issues. The female libido, from the "expert" information that I know, is very complex, and a large part is emotional/psychological.

[Anonymous]

Yes, I see him myself, though for a very different reason -- a chronic infection the many (many) other doctors I saw were unable to correctly identify or treat. I am feeling about 90% better after one appointment and a few months of treatment and have a followup coming up I am optimistic about..

Yes, I think a large part is indeed emotional and psychological. I assume there are some good resources out there from that standpoint as well -- to help build up your self esteem. Specific counseling in that regard, perhaps, by someone you might mesh well with?

[Anonymous]

Thanks for responding again, PP. It's great that you were able to find suitable treatment and that it is looking positive for you.
True, there are resources out there (including the book that Dr. Goldstein requires his patients to read, as I saw on the link you sent). I regret that maybe I'd not started trying to address my problem earlier, but I guess I always thought/hoped that I could work it out on my own. I (stubbornly?) still think so, probably for the most part because this problem is so personal and in some ways shameful to talk about.

[Anonymous]

This is the pp again. Oh, trust me, I wish *I* had acted sooner as well. 10 years of misery and a lot of damage from treatments that were completely contraindicated for what my problem ended up to be. I think this waiting is common, especially if you do end up deciding on someone like Goldstein who is not cheap.

I think finding a professional you feel comfortable with will be vital. Some personalities make it easier to talk than others. I find Goldstein pretty warm and easy to talk to -- some don't like his personality, they say he's cocky and seems to think other doctors aren't so clever. I think he is cocky, but probably rightfully so as the patients he tends to see are patients that many other doctors failed to help. I did feel more comfortable discussing intimate details there than in pretty much every other doc's office I've been in.

I'd also look to start with someone who can test your hormone levels. It may be that you have multiple things going on -- the emotional but also some physiological.

[Anonymous]

Hi 08:34 (OP here) ... Sorry to hear you struggled that long, though again it's excellent you're now on a very positive track. For me, I've been struggling for at least 5 years, and I'm ashamed to admit that I'm still not doing better.

It's true, I need to find someone with whom I feel comfortable speaking with. As with any challenge, getting to the first doctor is one of the biggest hurdles. The one doctor I did muster up the courage to see earlier in the year (an Ob/Gyn) was useless, offering no support or tips (e.g., suggestion for another doctor). My thyroid level was checked, and at least that was fine.