How do you cope with the process?

[Anonymous]

Going into it, I really thought I would be much better at dealing with the process of undergoing fertility treatments. I am generally a very strong person -- when things don't go well I'm pretty good at putting things in perspective, looking at the situation and taking what I can learn from it, and then moving on to the next thing. But with this, I am having such a hard time. I find myself dreaming constantly about it, and crying almost everyday. I know that the fertility drugs are affecting my emotions, but I have never felt anything like this before.

Most of the time I am torn between trying to stay optimistic -- thinking that it's better for my body to stay positive and maybe that will help me get pregnant -- and keeping my expectations low. I don't really know how to talk to my friends about it... I guess that's why I'm posting here. I've thought about seeing a therapist, but with all the appointments for monitoring, I can't really afford to take any more extra time from work to go to therapy session.

I am curious to hear from you about things that might help with the coping process. Have you gone to support groups? Were they helpful? Were there things you did that really helped to ease the anxiety and take your mind off things. How do you cope with all the injections and bruising, juggling appointments with work, not knowing whether this cycle worked or not, and not knowing whether it will work at all?

[Anonymous]

It's so, so hard! I would describe myself the same way you described yourself above. In generally, I'm very level headed and I tend to respond to situations analytically rather than emotionally. However, I found that I was NOT at all that way when it came to TTC, especially when we hit some snags and opted for the IVF route. I was anxious, emotional and often rather pessimistic. For me, the uncertainty of it all was very hard to manage. At times I felt like I barely recognized myself -- it was rough.

My best advice is to cut yourself a break. There is no "right" way to feel or even behave in a situation like this. It's can be very difficult -- and often emotional and hormonal -- so you need to give yourself permission to be who you will be.

I often thought about trying a support group and I've heard wonderful things about RESOLVE. But instead I found some good support and solace in this board and also in a few conversations with some close friends who've been down this road. The book, "A Few Good Eggs" was also great. I thought it was informative and also supportive -- like talking with a few close girlfriends who had been through it and come out the other side.

Good luck to you!!

[Anonymous]

I tried to do it one milestone at a time. When we started they gave us a schedule of when they expected certain things to happen. It was easier for me to just deal with being on the pill. Then starting the shots. Then the next blood draw. The next appointment. And the next phone call. Just one day at a time, one foot in front of another. Every time I tried to think through the whole process and all the what-ifs, I just ended up freaking myself out. It is to date the hardest thing I have ever done in my life. My heart goes out to every single person in this situation. Good luck, OP!

[Anonymous]

I joined two support groups -one for women and one for couples. I think that is how I stayed sane. The process sucks though, there is really no
way around that.

Also the book "waiting for daisy" helped too.

[Anonymous]

I really don't have any advice on dealing with the process, but wanted to let you know that you're not alone. I'm currently going through my 3rd miscarriage and can't comprehend how I'm suppose to keep doing this every month. The unanswered question of "why is this happening to me" is probably the hardest part. I have found the most solace in friends who have gone through similar fertility issues. Friends who haven't had fertility problems just cannot understand. Big hugs to you.

[Anonymous]

I bought the book 22:18 suggested and so far it really is pretty great. This is the hardest thing I've ever dealt with in my life. It wipes me out on a daily basis. I guess in the end we will all get through it b/c what choice do we have? But damn it's hard.

[Anonymous]

OP here. Thanks for your words of encouragement and advice. It does help to know others are going through the same thing, even though I don't know any of you personally. Just got the results of my blood test back, and it's negative, so looks like I'll have to deal with at least another cycle (sigh!). I will try that book that was suggested, and am actually considering accupuncture too. We'll see how it all goes I guess. Good luck to all of us!

[Anonymous]

I could have written your post 2 years ago. I found TTC all-consuming in a way that nothing else ever had been for me. And not in a good way. I found out my best friend was pregnant (after trying for about 10 minutes) and I cried hysterically and then could barely make it through work the next day without crying. Literally, I was sitting at my desk actively trying not to cry. All day. And I am generally not a person who has a difficult time controlling my emotions. It is just HARD. Just know that there are others going through this. I used to give myself one day to just feel crappy after a piece of bad news. I would wallow. And then the next day I would just try to move forward. Give yourself permission to have the bad moments. Hope that helps.

Good luck.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I could have written your post 2 years ago. I found TTC all-consuming in a way that nothing else ever had been for me. And not in a good way. I found out my best friend was pregnant (after trying for about 10 minutes) and I cried hysterically and then could barely make it through work the next day without crying. Literally, I was sitting at my desk actively trying not to cry. All day. And I am generally not a person who has a difficult time controlling my emotions. It is just HARD. Just know that there are others going through this. I used to give myself one day to just feel crappy after a piece of bad news. I would wallow. And then the next day I would just try to move forward. Give yourself permission to have the bad moments. Hope that helps.

Good luck.

Ditto all of that. It was the toughest two years of my life (and my life has not been easy). My advice is to keep your mind on the goal, keep yourself busy (I started a blog about something totally different than TTC), and take it one step at a time. For me, another horrible part was feeling so medicalized (if that's a word). I've hardly been sick in my life, and to have pregnancy be one very long series of tests, surgeries, drugs, etc. was so surreal and depressing. I finally got (and stayed) pregnant after 2 years and have the most amazing 10-month old son now. It's all so, so worth it. And, now I'm back at my RE trying to have #2 and though I'm in the waiting room, giving myself shots again, etc, I feel so relaxed and happy now - and the difference is so striking. I just want to reach out and hug all the sad women in the waiting room. Good luck!

[Anonymous]

PP here - one more thing. Since you mentioned acupuncture, I did this for more than a year and it hugely transformed my cycle. I really recommend it. Also - I improved my diet and dropped caffeine. I have no idea if this helped me get pregnant, but it did give me a sense of being in some sort of control, which helped.

[Anonymous]

One thought, please don't put too much pressure on yourself to be "positive"-- it isn't truly helpful in the medical context, so you shouldn't beat yourself up over it.