4.5-5 years apart

[Anonymous]

Due to some medical issues my second will have to be 4.5 to 5 years younger than #1. We only plan to have 2 kids total. I am feeling really down about this, so please cheer me up--especially those of you with kids with this age difference.

[Anonymous]

my brother, sister and i were all 4 years apart. just enough so that we never overlapped in school. it was actually good spacing but resulted in my mom basically always having an infant and a toddler for about 10 years.

[Anonymous]

You'll have all the time with the baby. You'll be like a new mom with all the experience. Just think how less stressful it's going to be. The older child will be able to help you with bringing diapers/bottles. Yes, you'll have to start over, but the younger child will look up the older and the older will show the baby the ropes (when they're older).

Sorry if this wasn't helpful. Mine are very close apart, but I always thought having them further apart would have been much easier.

[Anonymous]

Mine are 5 years apart (now 10 and 5). It's great and has been since the beginning. They're very close, and as a parent, I feel like I've had it pretty easy. Why specifically are you down about it?

[Anonymous]

My middle child and my youngest are 4.5 years apart and there are some very wonderful things about it. One of the things I particularly like is that during the elementary years in school, you spend a lot of time on homework and projects. While you will see a lot of posts complaining about this, it can really be a wonderful way to spend time with your child, especially when you only have one at that stage at a time. You aren't divided.

And, even though my youngest two have a big age difference, by about age 2.5 to 3, the could play together really well. Monopoly isn't going to work, but things like Wii bowling and Twister and the older one will even play things like Candy Land.

The only downside for me is that I feel like we will never be done with naps. But, my youngest is a trooper when it comes to sleeping in the car and getting by with cat naps.

[Anonymous]

I'm pregnant, and my first will be 4.5 when the second is born. I'm really looking forward to it. My first is old enough to understand about babies and be really excited about this one. He's also now in public school, so we'll never need to pay for daycare for 2, which is a huge financial blessing.

[Anonymous]

Mine are 4 yrs apart and it is great. The older one helps and loves "her baby".

[Anonymous]

I also have 2 (boys) who are a little more than 4.5 years apart. It's been just fine - probably as good and/or as challenging as any other age split. I think the only real headache is that we don't have a lot of other friends with kids the age of my younger child - most of our friends did the typical 2/3 year age difference. On the other hand, I thought I'd be the only mom in my son's K class with an infant - wrong! There were lots, some 3rd or 4th but many with the same situation as us. My boys are great together, and it's so much better to have only one crazy little one when you contemplate traveling. They get along just fine, and the older one has a lot of the great traits of only children (eg., can play well alone) simply because it was just the three of us for so long. Don't feel bad about the age difference, it works great for lots of us. (And I did not choose this, but am happy with the outcome.) Good luck!

[Anonymous]

Why are you sad about this?
Your children will have the benefits of only children, but the lifelong companionship of siblings.

When I married DH at 23, I told him I preferred to have children at 25, 30 and 35, if life permitted. At 30, so far my wishes have been fulfilled. I cannot quite understand why mothers would want to have their children 2 years apart, unless it was an "advanced maternal age" thing or to adequately meet the needs of a demanding career. For sibling jealousy, parental fatigue, baby-related expenditure, 2 years is the worst gap.

Spacing your children will allow you to enjoy every single minute of their lives. I love the baby stage, and could not enjoy this if DC1 was younger and needed me for every little thing. As it is, he goes to Kindergarten, and I get to spend time with my darling girl.

[Anonymous]

I have read that sibling rivalry is worse when siblings are 2 years apart or less and from my personal experience, I tend to agree. I have one sister who is 11 months younger than me and another who is 3 years younger. Guess who I got along better with? My middle sister and I ALWAYS fought. We were always in school together and in high school even had some of the same classes. Our parents and teachers were always comparing us and she constantly accused me of stealing her friends. I had none of that with my youngest sister. I don't think you need to worry too much. I have many friends whose siblings are a lot older/younger than them that they are very close to.

[Anonymous]

My children are 4.5 years apart and our family is so happy about it. I specifically did not want kids super-close in age because I didn't think I could hack the early years which are so hard. My oldest was old enough to really realize what was going on during the pregnancy, went with us to ultrasounds, "helped" with the baby when he was little (tiny stuff like "Please bring Mommy the wipes"). And she is so much more understanding of his now-toddlerhood since she can actually reason, unlike a 1-, 2- or even 3-year-old. Plus, financially it is great - my daughter was in (free, public) kindergarten by the time I was ready to go back to work part-time and my son went to day care. Totally skipped the two-in-child-care financial strain.

[Anonymous]

PP here - meant to add that there were also some medical issues involved in the spacing - my thyroid completely freaked after my first pregnancy. Please don't be down about this and love your family the way it is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:PP here - meant to add that there were also some medical issues involved in the spacing - my thyroid completely freaked after my first pregnancy. Please don't be down about this and love your family the way it is.

OP: Thanks to all with the stories and good thoughts. I know I will love my family no matter I just need to rethink what that life will look like. Part of the problem is my age; I'm so exhausted now with one very active toddler, that I can't fathom doing it all over again when I am older. My husband feels the same way so he is down too (though I think it has to do more with my complicated medical issues) To the PP, part of my medical issues are also thyroid related (among other things). I'm glad you are feeling better.

[Anonymous]

Mine are 4 years apart and it is AMAZING. We've never, ever had even one second of jealousy, big sister adores her little brother (and vice versa) and she was big enough when he was born that she was self sufficient and even somewhat helpful. I could say "Can you please run and get daddy?" or "Will you please bring me that diaper over there?" and she could actually understand and obey! They are 6 and 2 now and the love affair continues...

[Anonymous]

Mine have an even bigger gap (almost 7 years) and it is wonderful. They are the same sex, so they even share a room (at the older one's request!) and #1 doesn't mind "playing down" AT ALL for her little sister. It is a bit of a little Mommy situation, as she loves to push her stroller, feed her, etc (and #1 is quite the tomboy and never played with dolls, so this surprised me!). It's pretty amazing to watch them together. I'm mindful of giving #1 her own space so that the baby doesn't knock over her lego structure or intrude on playdates, etc. My friends with kids close in age (a.k.a - everyone!) truly admire our set up.

I've been so much more relaxed through the whole transition. I also found that I really found my footing as a parent before #2 came along. I have more patience, more hindsight, am well rested, my marriage was totally back on track and weathered the 2nd infant stage in a much better fashion. Financially, it was so much easier. Granted, we obviously started younger since we were able to have such a big gap, but not having 2 in daycare at once was HUGE for us. We make a TON more money now in our careers than we did with #1 and are more savvy with what to spend it on for the kids. Also won't have 2 in college at the same time (we hope to pay cash for each of them, so this was big in our planning). We've been able to sock away more money early on for retirement as well, since that extra few thousand/month went to investing instead of daycare.

Also - I like the fact that we'll have a kid in the house for a longer period of time. I really love being a parent and was kind of sad at the thought of an empty nest so soon.

I'm rambling now, but you'll really enjoy the spacing. Great families come in all ways