Advice

[Anonymous]

My husband and I have been married for just over 2 years now. He's 40 and I'm 38. We have been trying for a long while now, but he has a tough time finishing. So we're getting no where.

He's a bit embarassed about it and I don't want to make him more insecure about it. He's tried viagra but that doesn't help with finishing.

I think it's time we go to a fertility doctor - the clock is ticking fast. I know this is a sensitive topic for him, but I don't want our window to close while we skirt his embarassment. We have talked about it and he wants to go see someone and get help so we can have a child. I've only just begun to research fertility stuff so I have no idea what we will need to do.

Any advice or recommendations or success stories anyone can share?

[Anonymous]

Ok...everyone is reading the post and no one is responding. Now I'm feeling insecure...lol.

[Anonymous]

don't feel insecure. it's just a different problem than most of us face. I don't know if an RE is the way to go unless you think there is something up with you. Maybe a urologist?

[Anonymous]

Actually, I think a number of people on this board have had this problem - OP, have you tried some searches of the board?

But in any event, I think there are ways to let the RE handle the conversation. (You could even call ahead and have a nurse give the doc a heads up that this is an issue, so s/he can raise the issue.) So your first job is to find some REs to consult - your list may depend on insurance converage, location, etc.

But you and your DH will still need to figure out if he is going to have issues producing samples for testing and treatment.

[Anonymous]

We had this problem. Maybe TMI here, but does he have a problem "finishing" manually? My husband doesn't (ugh, please I don't even want to start a conversation about that). So we would do manual until just the second before, then bam, into the vagina. Really the reverse of the pull out method! Worked twice for both our kids (fortunately no fertility issues at that time, thankfully).

[Anonymous]

I agree...I think this is a pretty common issue...people just don't talk about it. Some of it is anxiety for men...some just good old fashioned age making it a factor.

We've had a similar problem in that DH couldn't keep it up, then he couldn't finish...mind you we don't have this problem when it's not a fertile period nor does he have this issue "by himself." We tried Viagra...it worked one time...then not anymore.

You can continue to try on your own with help…medication, manual stimulation then insert method, even watching some dirty movies with him(I know, but it works!) The RE can help as well. He can suggest IUI to help the process too.

If you’re looking for suggestions…I have worked with both Dr. Sacks at Columbia Fertility and Dr. DiMattina at Dominion and I adore them both.

Don’t feel alone…this is pretty common.

[Anonymous]

I've been through years of fertility treatments and I can tell you that making a baby can put some incredible amounts of stress on DH's to perform on demand. IUI's might help the process along.

GL OP

[Anonymous]

Thank you SO much to those of you who replied.

It is a bit embarassing for DH and frankly for myself to describe. And when you do searches about fertility, there is so little out there about this, that you feel a bit alone in it.

To answer your question he can finish with me helping manually, but we've been trying for a long time now and this seems to be an insurmountable problem wrt getting pregnant.

I think we are going to make an appointment with Dominion to see about IUI....

Thanks again. I really do appreciate your responses.

[Anonymous]

We had this problem too--I agree that the pressure of 'performing' can be quite high for men. And the more you feel the clock tick, the more each act counts, the worse this will get. So go seek help now. It's nothing to be ashamed about..