Something broke inside

[Anonymous]

Almost 6 weeks ago I had to call an ambulance for DH and he spent a week in the ICU. From the moment I dialed 911, I turned into a robot. There was zero emotion and I just took care of what needed to be done. Kids, in laws, doctors, insurance, I just took care of. I stayed in the ICU with him, not because of any emotion, but that was my job as the spouse. When he reached out for my hand, I held his, but it felt like a strangers hand. I assume that this is some sort of survival mode my brain has gone into, the problem is, I haven't snapped out if it. I am going through my days still with zero emotion. I smile when I'm supposed to, but I don't feel anything. How do I get my emotions back?

[Anonymous]

Not sure you can. Also not sure your experience is at all abnormal.

Because it is so apropos I am borrowing from another dcum post where a wife observed (correctly) it’s just that women don’t want the same man after a number of years. We’re biologically programmed to tolerate and want one man long enough to raise his kid through infancy, then we need to diversify the gene pool a bit and find a better, fitter partner. Unless a man continually makes himself a highly desirable partner, “his” woman will tire of him. Tale as old as time.

[Anonymous]

Sounds like some form of acute PTSD. Six weeks isn't very long, so time might help. But counseling will also help. 6 days is a long time in ICU.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Not sure you can. Also not sure your experience is at all abnormal.

Because it is so apropos I am borrowing from another dcum post where a wife observed (correctly) it’s just that women don’t want the same man after a number of years. We’re biologically programmed to tolerate and want one man long enough to raise his kid through infancy, then we need to diversify the gene pool a bit and find a better, fitter partner. Unless a man continually makes himself a highly desirable partner, “his” woman will tire of him. Tale as old as time.

She didn't say anything about tiring of him. That's not what she was reporting even remotely.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like some form of acute PTSD. Six weeks isn't very long, so time might help. But counseling will also help. 6 days is a long time in ICU.

Shock is real and can take time to resolve. I would definitely look into some counseling so you don't get stuck in this state – it sounds like it's not just in relation to your spouse, but that everything has gone flat.

[Anonymous]

It's a coping mechanism. It's how your body and mind decided to protect themselves for the possibility of losing your husband. The panic mode will eventually subside and you'll be able to relax and enjoy life again.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's a coping mechanism. It's how your body and mind decided to protect themselves for the possibility of losing your husband. The panic mode will eventually subside and you'll be able to relax and enjoy life again.

This.

Also make sure you get enough sleep.

Did you lose any family in childhood?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's a coping mechanism. It's how your body and mind decided to protect themselves for the possibility of losing your husband. The panic mode will eventually subside and you'll be able to relax and enjoy life again.

Yup. Actually means you’re strong - you powered through and did what needed to be done. It will take time to recover, maybe months, and you will always have this experience with you. Give yourself lots of grace.

- a mom who experienced several similar hospitalizations with my son 8 to 12 years ago. He’s a happy, healthy 17-year-old now but the smell of hospital still makes my heart rate skyrocket.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Not sure you can. Also not sure your experience is at all abnormal.

Because it is so apropos I am borrowing from another dcum post where a wife observed (correctly) it’s just that women don’t want the same man after a number of years. We’re biologically programmed to tolerate and want one man long enough to raise his kid through infancy, then we need to diversify the gene pool a bit and find a better, fitter partner. Unless a man continually makes himself a highly desirable partner, “his” woman will tire of him. Tale as old as time.

How is this drivel “so apropos” to OP’s question?

[Anonymous]

A 6-day stay in ICU with a full recovery and "back to normal" in a month is pretty rare. What is happening with your husband now, six weeks later? I assume there are follow up medical appointments, extra strain on you, your time, your kids. Do you think your feelings are related to the extra burdens you are under?

[Anonymous]

OP I have been like this for a few years I'm not sure I will ever be able to go back.

[Anonymous]

Anti-depressants. Maybe you should see a psychiatrist.

[Anonymous]

Its shock.

[Anonymous]

Wellbutrin
Therapy
Is your marriage strained?

[Anonymous]

OP, I was like this after my father died suddenly. I was on auto pilot. Whether it was dealing with my own kids/husband/pet or my mother/siblings, I just got everything done that needed to be done so that my father could be buried. I had no time to breath.

It wasn't until a month later an acquaintance of mine said to me "I am so sorry to hear about your father. I have been thinking about you. How are you yourself doing?" that I realized no one had checked on me, no one else had asked me if I was ok.

OP, are you ok? It is ok to say no, I am not ok. I think like others have said you are in shock. I am glad your husband is out of the ICU. I hope he is better. And I hope you can breathe and have some calm. I wish I knew you so I could sit with you like that woman (who I barely knew BTW, I will never forget how kind she was) sat with me and just let me cry. Hugs to you OP.