Need some advice - anxiety after leaving toxic boss.

[Anonymous]

I've been working for close to 15 years. In that time, I have had many managers / coworkers and can honestly say I never had significant 'issues' with anyone, particularly the bosses. I've consistently been recognized as a high performer, been promoted multiple times, and think I am generally easy to work with and get along with. I stay in touch with many former bosses and colleagues, and am regularly approached by a couple of my bosses with job opportunities.

However, at my most recent job, I dealt with an extremely toxic boss who I felt essentially targeted me from day 1. I won't get into the details, but it was unlike anything I had experienced before. I was dealing with a health issue at the time and this added a huge amount of stress; I would hardly sleep and absolutely dreaded work. I saw similar cruel behavior towards other employees (one who was fired, unfairly IMO) and decided to move on after only being at the job a short time. I luckily landed another job (after interviewing multiple places and taking time to evaluate the culture, work environment, etc.)

This probably sounds ridiculous, but I feel like this incident shook my confidence quite a bit and I'm having a lot of anxiety about starting the new job. I am not sure why this is impacting me the way it is, but I've been worrying about encountering a similar manager / questioning whether I am actually good in my role!

Has anyone dealt with something similar / have advice on putting this situation in the past?

[Anonymous]

That’s so normal. I had a similar feeling after starting a new job and leaving a toxic situation. It was like my system was at an elevated heightened state and needed time to come back down and stop feeling anxiety.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:That’s so normal. I had a similar feeling after starting a new job and leaving a toxic situation. It was like my system was at an elevated heightened state and needed time to come back down and stop feeling anxiety.

Thank you - this really helps. I hope your new situation is better.

[Anonymous]

Went through something similar and it took me about as long as I had stayed in the toxic environment to get past it…so it was about 18 months of working under a toxic/crazy person and then felt like I got my confidence back about 18 months working under normal human surrounded by great teammates.

[Anonymous]

+1 This happens alot. Totally normal.

[Anonymous]

Totally normal, OP. Happened to me a couple times. It sucked, but I rebounded and am now c-suite. You'll get through it.

[Anonymous]

This happened to me. It took me about a year to get my footing back. Honestly, I wish I went to therapy. I know it wounds crazy but my boss felt a lot like being in an abusive relationship.

[Anonymous]

I posted this 5 years ago. It took a few years to undo the damage. Fortunately this manager is now jobless.

[Anonymous]

It’ll fade. Keep reminding yourself that person was an anomaly.

[Anonymous]

Same and it really made me question why she hated me so much. This has only ever happened to me with older female managers. The last female manager hated me from the day she met me. I was hands down the best and most liked employee on the entire team. Despite having worked there for over 10 years, HR completely sided with her on every issue. The final straw was she kicked me out of my cubicle during an unnecessary work move. The movers said I’d been warned and they tossed all my belongings into boxes when I was on annual leave, but she was the only one who had been informed about the move. She’d “forgotten” to tell me I was moving.

Took a few years to get over. But I think it’s made me a better manager. I immediately recognize toxic people now. I’m also unfailingly kind and nice to my employees. I focus only on work product.

[Anonymous]

Same here. Stayed at a job for too long because they allowed flexible work, but my boss was an extremely manipulative form of toxic. Smiley and seemed nice but an ego maniac who ensured no one on his team ever had access to any decent work and kept us all busy with the lowest level tasks while he made himself the face of everything remotely important. And when asked ‘why didn’t Larla handle that (larger) matter? She seems very experienced in that area’ he always always had a quick explanation.

My confidence plummeted and my skill set back tracked by years. I’m still digging out now

[Anonymous]

Same as some of the other posters. Others also left my old boss's toxic domain but of course it's because he's a tough manager, not any personality issue. A disrespectful, small man where at times I wanted to tell him to f'ck himself but didn't want to give him the satisfaction.

No matter what I put together, he could do better because obviously he is the smartest person who ever lived. And invariably things went wrong when I worked for him, which didn't make it any better. When I had no f'cks left to give, I blasted an idea of his. He said I was wrong but then doing what I recommended brought the desired result.

OP, time is the healer. It really gets to your confidence working for someone like that and becomes a vicious circle. On the bright side, lost 13 pounds in 2 1/2 months after leaving that company.

[Anonymous]

Clearly you are not alone! This also happened to me. I had been pre-warned that this boss was “difficult” but I brushed it aside thinking I had worked for challenging people before. How wrong I was. I only stayed in the position for 11 months but it took YEARS for my confidence to recover. Deep down inside I knew this boss was the one with the problems, but even so I started doubting everything about my abilities. It was such an awful experience that I took a new position elsewhere making $60,000 less! That decision however set me on the right path and I’ve never looked back. The boss btw was asked to leave by management soon after my departure.

[Anonymous]

Yes I had a toxic boss which made my life difficult. She hired her friends and gave them special perks and took away work from me and then pushed me out. Prior to that I had great reviews at previous roles. It took me a while to get my confidence back and regain my footing in my career.

I am thriving now, but it took a while to not feel traumatized by this experience.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Clearly you are not alone! This also happened to me. I had been pre-warned that this boss was “difficult” but I brushed it aside thinking I had worked for challenging people before. How wrong I was. I only stayed in the position for 11 months but it took YEARS for my confidence to recover. Deep down inside I knew this boss was the one with the problems, but even so I started doubting everything about my abilities. It was such an awful experience that I took a new position elsewhere making $60,000 less! That decision however set me on the right path and I’ve never looked back. The boss btw was asked to leave by management soon after my departure.

I could have written this exact same post