DC won't stop hitting younger sib on head after concucussion
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Anonymous
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Hi there. My youngest child (DC2) had a concussion a few weeks ago. It wasn't the worst but obviously, not ideal. Since then, DC1 (older sib) has occasionally decided to hit DC2 on the head. It happened for the first time on Saturday, and then it just happened again. The hits are not super hard, but they should NOT be happening at all--we've made it REALLY clear that you can't hit on the head, that DC2 needs to stay away from DC1's head b/c of the concussion, etc. Both times, I was very angry with DC1, and took away privileges. I asked DC1 if they're doing it on purpose, and they said yes.
DC1 is 9, so definitely old enough to know better. He doesn't understand fully why concussions are terrible, but we have made it abundantly clear that he needs to keep away from DC2's head. I don't know whether this is some twisted call for attention or b/c they like making me mad, but I don't know what to do, short of asking a police officer to talk to DC1 or something. The kids usually play well together, but they have their usual sibling issues too. Out of anger, today I threw out a bunch of DC1's toys b/c I needed some outlet for my anger, otherwise I would seriously be tempted to hit DC1, which I don't want to do. I know I am probably "over-reacting" to the hits in a way (I have anxiety and prior to the concussion, DC2 had been hit hard on the head a few times randomly, so the concussion did not help) -- like outwardly at least, b/c probably DC1 wants to get a rise out of me, and I am giving them the crazy reaction that they want. I don't really know what to do--we've been firm, we've set consequences, and DC1 already gets a ton of quality time from both parents. I'm thinking of having another adult talk to DC1--he might respond better to an outside authority like a teacher. |
Anonymous
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Do not involve the Police, good grief. You don't want your 9yo scared of Police Officers.
Throwing away toys is a bizarre punishment for this too. Tell him if he hits the 2yo again he will need to research concussions and brain injuries in children and write you a report on it. |
Anonymous
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I think you need some parenting lessons or something. “Taking away privileges” sounds like a weak response to DC1 hitting DC2, but throwing out his toys because you are angry sounds like you don’t know how to manage your own feelings here.
If that were happening in my house the kids would be separated and I’d figure out an actual appropriate punishment for DC1 that would make him regret his actions and change his behavior. |
Anonymous
| You have a situation where one child intentionally tried to kill another child -- and did it repeatedly. I would remove the older child from the house to stay with relatives until it is safe to return. If that is not possible, I would spank the child who is trying to kill the sibling. I would make sure he understood that physical punishment is coming if there are any more attempts on the life of the sibling. |
Anonymous
| OP, the parenting solution to this is that you keep your kids completely separated and/or only allow them to be together when an adult body is physically between them for some period of time (until you feel assured that the younger one is healed and/or that the older one won't hit). This is the same thing that preschools need to do when one kid is a hitter or a biter - that kid gets a full time shadow and super close supervision until the phase passes. |
Anonymous
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1. If you keep giving severe punishments to your older child they will get more angry and continue to act out.
2. The consequence of this is that your older child is not allowed to be anywhere near your younger child. Never ever alone together or in the same room without an adult in between them. You don't need to discuss this with your kids, you just need to do it (and then your older child will understand). |
Anonymous
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I would keep them apart and if that means your older child is in his room or misses certain activities, that's the consequence.
He needs psychological help. |
Anonymous
| Police officer? WTF no wonder your kid has problems. |
Anonymous
You are freakin insane. “Kill another child”?! Coming from you who advocates a good beating?! You need help. |
Anonymous
| Geez OP. Please go to parenting therapy STAT. In the interim your 9 year old cannot be around your 2 year old. |
Anonymous
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Treat your DS9 like when they were younger. No consequences or lectures. Keep him away from younger sibling. If he's with younger sibling, stay within arms length. Prevent. Redirect.
A 9 yr/old can read a book or graphic novel by themselves, play with a friend, help you cook dinner, go out in the backyard if you have one. They don't have to be with their younger sibling. |
Anonymous
This is the short term answer. Long term answer is parenting therapy to learn appropriate discipline. |
Anonymous
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OP given your child actively said they wanted to hurt their sibling it is time for you to get parenting help asap
Nine year old can not be left alone with your younger one ever Your responses to your nine year old suck and clearly you need parenting help asap |
Anonymous
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The older one is probably jealous that the family’s entire energy is focused on the younger one. You will have to be careful about the younger one for a year or two under concussion protocol so this needs a long term solution.
Start with separation, then spend time with the older one alone. Time that isn’t about his brother. |
Anonymous
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I agree that a parenting class could really help you. I get the sense from your post that one issue is that you are talking way too much.
You need to protect your children with your actions, and talk less. |