Play date disappointment (for the parent…)

[Anonymous]

I snark on these forums at the mean girl attitudes and mom drama but it happened to me and now I’m bummed.

Child asked me to setup a play date with a classmate. The mom is like quintessential perfect mom with a wealthy background and a bit standoffish. I work up the courage to text her to invite her child over for a playdate. She initially says yes after some activity and 24 hours after she apologizes because plans changed, child cannot attend.

My kiddo is disappointed I can see he is tearing up and trying to be positive and he says we will invite him another time. I’m am so disappointment for him. We usually don’t do play dates but I finally got my house and plans together and the schedule and this happened.

I’m sure DCUM will say I’m reading into it etc but man I’m in all the feels (rejection, sad, annoyed, disappointed, questioning myself). Okay now back to parenting but I had to vent on here.

[Anonymous]

You need to schedule and have many more playdates so that you and your child can come to understand that a cancellation is not a big deal.

[ArlingtonMom22]

Ugh I feel this so much. The worst part is when your kid tries to be brave about it and that somehow makes it hurt MORE. Plans change all the time honestly, especially this time of year with end of school chaos. I wouldn't read too much into it. Try again in a week or two - sometimes the second attempt is the one that sticks.

[Anonymous]

You need to play it down to your kid, plans change.
" hey larlo, James cant come over today, lets go to the park instead and I will try and set up a new date with his mom"
Then move on, acknowledge the disappointment but dont feed into it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You need to play it down to your kid, plans change.
" hey larlo, James cant come over today, lets go to the park instead and I will try and set up a new date with his mom"
Then move on, acknowledge the disappointment but dont feed into it.

Agree. Its not a big deal and is likely not personal.

[Anonymous]

OP here thank you everyone …we have only started hosting this year and only had 3 play dates so my view may be warped.

[Anonymous]

This is like dating - you need to have a lot of irons in the fire. Just schedule more playdates. Plans DO change. Things come up. It should be very normal to have playdates scheduled and to have them change. Otherwise you're setting yourself up for disappointment.

Give this mom 2-3 new date options and reach out to 3 other parents from class about playdates. That's how you get to one playdate that happens.

[Anonymous]

ArlingtonMom22 wrote:Ugh I feel this so much. The worst part is when your kid tries to be brave about it and that somehow makes it hurt MORE. Plans change all the time honestly, especially this time of year with end of school chaos. I wouldn't read too much into it. Try again in a week or two - sometimes the second attempt is the one that sticks.

Do you know what is fun, this is an AI poster selling a travel points thing. At least they're nice.

[Anonymous]

You must have very low self esteem

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You need to schedule and have many more playdates so that you and your child can come to understand that a cancellation is not a big deal.

It sucks but you are putting a lot of weight and reading into it. As a PP says, you should acknowledge to your DS that it's disappointing (it is) but not the end of the world.

I also don't characterize people as "quintessential perfect mom" etc even though plenty have a bigger cleaner house than me, dress more put together, etc. We are all doing the best we can and are are all doing pretty great!

[Anonymous]

It is okay to feel what you feel. Disappointment, anger, sadness : normal human feelings in this situation. This also confirms you are a great mum because you care about your kid’s well being. But please do not read too much into it; people plans change. We host plenty of play dates - I had to cancel once or twice because a kid got sick.

[Anonymous]

With someone like that you never tell the child till you know the other family is on their way.

[Anonymous]

PPs are right that you just need to invite more and accept it won't always work out and lower the stakes of any one particular play date.

Having said that, I've had several playdate experiences like what you describe. And you are so right that it's hard as an adult because you feel like you are putting yourself and your family out there when you reach out to a new family and when they reject, it's rough. It hits you in the gut.

But I just want to tell you that it's awesome you took a chance and invited this kid even though his mom was intimidating and it was hard. Even though it didn't work out. You are showing him to be brave, to put himself out there. And it's a numbers game. The more you, and he, do it, the more connections you'll make. It will get better. Treat it as a learning experiences and move onward.

[Anonymous]

What do you mean you snark? Are you making fun of other people who are disappointed when their kid is let down and upset? But now your kid is down and you get it?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What do you mean you snark? Are you making fun of other people who are disappointed when their kid is let down and upset? But now your kid is down and you get it?

OP here I don’ t no, but I remember a post about a mom who had a mom friend and then saw that friend with others at dinner ? Or brunch? And they didn’t tell her or invite her. I didn’t comment but I remember thinking okay big deal they had lunch, what is the big deal? I’m a full time working parent and I wouldn’t want to spend my time at brunch so it seemed like an obvious “don’t take it personally, not important.”

So now I’m in a situation where I know from outside it seems so straightforward like yeah okay plans changed but weirdly …I find myself thinking, over thinking, and analyzing it and feeling all the feels.

To the others lesson learned about hyping up or planning and prepping too much.