Aging mom wants to date
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Anonymous
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My aging mom told me she wants to date someone she met who expressed interest in her. She's 81, he's 88. She has cognitive decline, anxiety/depression. At first I was thrilled, because she was in such a good mood - which I haven't seen, hardly ever. But I have concerns. He has apparently bragged to her that he's got plenty of money and will buy her whatever she needs. I feel like that might be a red flag and might be dishonest, but I guess it could just be that he's just trying to use whatever he's got. My mom's on a fixed income, but owns her home, car, and has saved up cash. I'm also worried about his health - she says he's healthy, but he's 88. My mom is a complete martyr and will sacrifice her entire self to help someone in need. She has done this for everyone - her mom, her sister, my dad - to the detriment of her health and mental health. She's also in pretty bad cognitive decline. She is also declining in physical health. I love seeing her happy, but I'm just also worried.
I hate to be the wet blanket, but I told her she's an adult and she can make her own decisions, and if she wants to date him she can do whatever she wanted. But I basically told her my concerns as well. What would you do in this situation? |
Anonymous
| I will also add that she has a pretty romanticized idea of how this would go, based on what he's told her. He likes to drive and go see places, so she thinks that they will go on driving road trips, and it will be stress-free (because she's anxious about driving) and he will take her out to restaurants. I would love that for her, if that is what it would be. But I don't know if that's what she would actually be signing up for, if she accepts his advances. |
Anonymous
| Have you met him yet? |
Anonymous
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I would not try to prevent her, but also not help her do it at all. She's probably not capable of very much dating, and he'll get bored.
If you don't have various limits and alerts on all her accounts, now's a good time. Not because of this, but because, Mom, in modern times the scammers are just so sophisticated. |
Anonymous
Not yet, but hope to meet him |
Anonymous
| I would do nothing. Let her date him. Just FYI my dad sounds like him, though not that old. He is expecting her to put out. |
Anonymous
| As long as she's met him in person, I don't see a problem. An online romance is a huge red flag. Unless she lives with you and you lock her in the house, which is illegal, what could you possibly do? |
Anonymous
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Make sure he can't get his hands on her cash.
Also make sure she's on birth control. My God, she is 81 years old. She is in decline now, so she will not be a viable caregiver to him later. Let her have fun. |
Anonymous
| Protect her cash and house and her health. And see how it goes, once you meet him. |
Anonymous
| Get a financial POA in your name now. |
Anonymous
Oh dear god! I don’t want to think about that lol |
Anonymous
Not sure how I’d do that without making her feel like we are treating her like a child…. |
Anonymous
| Let her date and have fun, just talk with her about how to protect her finance. |
Anonymous
Just bring up the one of the scam stories casually every time you see her. |
Anonymous
It’s ok she can feel that way. Just tell her in a strict voice that you’re taking her cash for safekeeping, and try to do something to protect her house (not sure what, is it some trust or owning a small share of it or something else?) Also have her gift you her car and she can keep driving it (though she really shouldn’t be driving anymore). Feel the gent out asap too |