What's it like with #2 - first couple months?

[Anonymous]

The recent post on what the first couple months are like with #1 got me thinking about the first couple months with #2. DD is 19 months old, and DH and I are starting to think about trying for #2. Knowing how stressful and fatigue-filled the first 2-3 months were with #1, I just can't imagine going through that again with #2 while having to care for, attend to, etc #1. The option of sleeping when baby does just doesn't exist when you have two...

So, what has your experience been? People have more than one child all the time and get through it, but I'd love to hear how and what your experience was.

Thanks!

[Anonymous]

I think it is easier and harder at the same time. It is easier because you sort of know what to expect the 2nd time. Of course not all babies are alike, but in general you are not as nervous the 2nd time time or as worried. I remember with my first I wrote down when he ate, when he slept, etc. With my second, I did that for maybe a few days and then I just stopped. I knew he was eating and I knew he was growing, and that was good enough. I think having two also forces you to get out of the house more so you are not as isolated as you might have been the first time. For me, I had my 2nd son in June and my first son had just turned 2. I was taking both of them to the park for a couple hours every morning when my 2nd son was just a few weeks old. He slept WONDERFULLY outside in his car seat so I often got a couple of hours outside a day. It is definitely harder in that you have to juggle two babies, and I know my 2nd son was left to cry more than my first, simply because my 2 year old would make his wants/needs known and I had to tend to him at the expense of the baby sometimes. We have been lucky in that my older son has not shown any resentment toward his baby brother, so we did not have to deal with that. It is definitely busier and hard, but once the baby gets on more of sleep schedule it does get easier. Now they are almost 3 and almost 1 and are starting to play together. It is still crazy, but gets a little bit easier all the time. I can't wait until they can play together independently when both are a little bit older. Good luck!

[Anonymous]

To be honest, it was hell for me. DD #1 was almost 3 when DD#2 was born. 3 is a tough age, combined with still getting the hang of potty training, moving to a new room and big girl bed and then throwing in her no longer being the center of the universe. So, she did not make life easier. DD #2, like her sister was colicky so she cried all the time until 4 months...DD #1 is a light sleeper so we spent a lot of effort trying to not have the baby wake her up in the middle of the night, often in vain. There were several days when I was up from 3am on - the baby would wake, it would take about 1-2 hours to feed and get her to sleep again and then as I was getting her down, DD#1 would wake up and be up for the rest of the day!! Thank god for TV and the best baby gift I got with #2 was a DVR, so DD#1 had more options of shows to watch at 5am!! I was dismayed by how much TV I let my daughter watch but my mom convinced me that I had to let go of that worry in order to survive. The early rising would lead to DD#1 being cranky all day and there were several times I almost lost it with her. I seriously do not know how single moms do it!
That's just my story. Here we are a year later and things are much easier though I do look back and wonder why I thought having just one child was hard. The good thing about the second child is that you know that whatever phase they are in will pass. You have proof that you will eventually get a good night's sleep again, etc. I sure do not regret having a second but the thought of going through the newborn stage again...not gonna happen!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I do look back and wonder why I thought having just one child was hard.

I think this, too! I have a friend who is probably only going to have one, and I just feel like she has it so easy. If either she or her husband takes her son for a couple of hours, the other is completely free. Of course you can still do that with 2, but it is more difficult. Still I love seeing my 2 sons play together and give each other hugs and kisses. I am an only child, and I think the relationship between siblings is so amazing and it is fun for me to experience it first hand with my 2 kids!

[Anonymous]

Could never do 2! Because 1 was so hard

[Anonymous]

It was also hard but in a different way.. You're not as nervous about dealing with a newborn and know more of how to handle things. The harder part is having a toddler around who wants to run and play when your baby wants to sleep or eat all the time (even harder when the baby goes to a morning / afternoon nap routine- my toddler naps in the afternoon but wants to get out in the ams). We also had medical issues- the oldest was sick from the flu so I needed help to separate sick kids and dealing with both of them .. The baby had reflux and that was another huge set of issues (though DC#! had reflux too so it wasn't an unknown) such as crying, not sleeping well etc. DC#1 got sick again and from there DC#2 got RSV and was in the hospital for a week.. Again, needed DH to come and help.

Plus- if you had an easy baby for the first- and second isn't- you'll flip out more.. My pediatrician said after all we went through with DC#1 that we were better prepared as parents- knowing it's hard right from the start- that he sees families come in and there is some medical issue at age 3 or 4 and they flip out and get much more stressed out seeing that parenthood isn't easy anymore. Since we had so many- we handle each new issue a little better. Of course, I would have loved to have a break in all these issues!! They just keep going and going (DC#2 is still a baby and has ongoing reflux issues, ear infections).

[Anonymous]

Honestly, I think it's great to hear personal stories and anecdotes, but like everything with parenting, I feel every situation is different because every kid is different. We all figure it out and it's great to hear other's experiences, but until you're in it for yourself with your babies, your husband, your family, you just don't know...

[Anonymous]

It is hellish. research shows that this is the time that women drink the most in their lives.
The only good thing is that it doesn't last forever, and by the time the youngest is one things are a lot easier...

[Anonymous]

The first few months is tough, no doubt about it. I had a 3 yr old and a newborn and they were on different schedules for the first few months. I thought having 1 kid was tough but after you have more than 1, you realize how easy it was with one. Suddenly it's two kids that need to be fed, two kids that need to get dressed, 2 kids that need a bath, 2 kids that constantly need something. BUT it does get better. It can't be that bad..I'm having baby # 3 soon. I don't regret a (crazy) moment.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It is hellish. research shows that this is the time that women drink the most in their lives.
The only good thing is that it doesn't last forever, and by the time the youngest is one things are a lot easier...

hey- where is that study? explains my glasses of wine when DH gets home or kids are asleep!

[Anonymous]

like the other thread -- so baby specific...

I have a 2 month old and a 26 month old and it has been harder than I expected to manage two. The baby is not a good sleeper -- won't nap on her own and has gone through a number of fussy weeks so I'm pretty much attached to her all day every day. She's not the kind of mellow baby that will hang out in her carseat carrier at the park for hours or sleep in her crib while I play with my older child.

so, I'm lucky because I have a lot of help -- paid help and help from family. I would recommend you plan to need help -- if you don't, great, but I would budget for it etc...


What is easier than the first time is we are less nervous -- every bath and diaper change isn't an event -- and I have more perspective. Frankly, in many ways I'm enjoying this newborn period less and I'm sort of putting myself on autopilot until we get to 5 months or so -- I know it gets better.

[Anonymous]

Go for it! We are doing great with a 28 month old and a 2 month old. It's TONS easier than I expected (not saying it's easy, just saying I was more terrifed by the prospect than I needed to be). The absence of the stress of being a first-time parent cannot be overestimated. You know the gear, you know the basic drills, you've got the gear, you've figured out some type of childcare stiuation (whatever it may be)....We are at a point of routine in the house right now that I was hoping for when the baby was one year (so we're way ahead of the game). I'm not saying it's easy....but it's so do-able. It is easier now being able to get outside alot...our newborn sleeps in the fresh air while our toddler climbs and runs in the park. As for so many things in life, the journey will be what you make it. Good luck!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It is hellish. research shows that this is the time that women drink the most in their lives.
The only good thing is that it doesn't last forever, and by the time the youngest is one things are a lot easier...

yep, I can definitely agree with that. Both my husband and I drank quite a bit at night during that time. We were just wayyy overwhelmed. But now things are much better! The first few months did feel like hell, indeed.

[Anonymous]

I think it was certainly hard but hellish...not really. The hardest parts were:

1. My kids did not nap at the same time, ergo no nap for me. Up 2-3 times a night with the baby and then no sleeping during the day really takes a toll after a few weeks.

2. I thought I would be more relaxed with #2 but she was so different from #1 that I still felt like a newbie about many things.

3. Less flexibility with certain things because of the older kid. For example I felt like I had to keep the baby quiet at night so as not to wake #1 rather than let her cry a little to settle herself etc.

Best piece of advice is to get #1 to "help" with #2. Give little tasks that the child can do to feel like a part of the action and this will cut down on the jealousy issues.

My kids are now 3.5 and 1.5 and they play together so nicely most of the time it is wonderful to watch. It is also easier on me because they entertain each other.

[Anonymous]

FWIW, going from one to two kids was harder for me than going from zero to one kid. But as previous posters have said, it's just for a time and doesn't last forever. Now my two entertain each other and are independent, so I love having two.