U Little boy who is a standout in practice but does nothing in games (literally, sometimes).

[Anonymous]

Title says it all. It's sort of baffling. Of course he's playing U8 so nothing matters other than enjoyment, but he wants to win and score goals and I sense that after games when this doesn't happen, he feels down. In practice, when the team does 1 v 1s, or give and gos, or plays sharks and minnows/ four corners, plays world cup, etc he is clearly the best player. And he has a blast. He is ALWAYS identified early on, with a new coach, as the best or one of the best players on the team. When it comes time to playing in a game (and sometimes in a full sided scrimmage at practice too), he spends truly about half of the time standing still and watching in the middle of the field. He will sprint and chase down an opponent to stop a goal, (he is the fastest on his team), but he will not aggressively go for the ball to take it up the field or even aggressively go for it to pass it to a teammate. He will sometimes clear the ball out, or start to try to manuever around an opponent, but as soon as he meets opposition or someone else's foot gets on the ball, he gives up and then stands there to watch. Meanwhile, if he's doing a 1v1 drill and his opponent gets a foot on the ball, he sticks with it and wins the ball and goes down to score. Always.

He wasn't like this until this season, and it's so frustrating to watch!! I don't say a word about it except to say good game and ask if he had fun. But what's going on? How can I (or his coach) help him snap out of it so he can have fun in games??

These games aren't high stakes, they're rec games. No parents on the sidelines screaming at kids to play better or anything like that.

[Anonymous]

It sounds like he's a defender.

[Anonymous]

Did you ask him?

[Anonymous]

Is it a fear of contact thing? Do they line the kids up in practice and have them push shoulder to shoulder and fight to get the ball?

[Anonymous]

It's totally fine!

Just keep it fun and sign up again in the fall... not all kids develop the same way...it will be fine!

[Anonymous]

Sounds like anxiety or ADHD to me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Did you ask him?

I haven’t directly asked him- I don’t want to make him feel bad or feel like I’m invested in the outcome of his game or that he needs to play a certain way to make me happy. I’ve said sort of like “did you have fun? I noticed you weren’t really wanting to score goals today I wanted to make sure you were still enjoying soccer” and he’s like “I did want to score goals. I love soccer!” Like kind of confused as to what I’m talking about.

His brother does have adhd so maybe he’s just inattentive or something! Didn’t think of that.

[Anonymous]

Our son went through a couple phases like this, and now plays at a high level in high school. Keep it fun and ask him how he's feeling once in a while. If at some point he might want to play competitively, it'll be important for him to be able to process the highs and lows, so it doesn't hurt to start talking. We did a lot of "what's one thing you're proud of?" and "what's one thing you want to work on?"...helps him process (and in situations like you're describing, might give us some insight into what's going on) without making it about our commentary.

[Anonymous]

I would actually bring it up to your son. Sports should help the adhd and practice is completely different than actual games. Just ask him why he’s having a hard time being aggressive in games. He has to be aggressive and if you don’t address it then he won’t grow. He sounds like a great player with a lot of potential and I think he either needs reassurance plus a bit of pressure if you want it to work out. My experience with kids in sports in the DMV was so different than where we live now. I don’t know why these kids aren’t pushed a little more because the skills I’ve seen are far behind other places I have lived.

[Anonymous]

What about having him watch some pro games on tv or take him to DCUnited/Spirit? I feel like that is what made it all click for my kid. He may just not know what he is supposed to be doing in a game- no one really teaches them that part!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Our son went through a couple phases like this, and now plays at a high level in high school. Keep it fun and ask him how he's feeling once in a while. If at some point he might want to play competitively, it'll be important for him to be able to process the highs and lows, so it doesn't hurt to start talking. We did a lot of "what's one thing you're proud of?" and "what's one thing you want to work on?"...helps him process (and in situations like you're describing, might give us some insight into what's going on) without making it about our commentary.

Thanks, it helps to know other kids went through these phases too. He actually will be “playing competitively” in the fall (in quotes because it’s u8) but he wanted to tryout for a local club and made the top team. But it’s because the tryouts centered around things he is excellent at. The coach actually said that he looked great “but young” and mentioned his lack of “soccer awareness” in the full sides scrimmages but said he wanted him anyways because he had looked so great in other aspects. It makes me nervous for him for the fall.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It sounds like he's a defender.

I think the truth behind this is that some kids have an easier time figuring out what the task is defensively than offensively. Defense feels like something you have to do, forcing them into action. Offense feels like a choice - do I want to dribble, pass, have the ball more, watch teammates score? Offense takes more competitiveness, creativity, and confidence. At U8, the offense might feel overcrowded already to him. Defense takes more intelligence. Defense feels like a necessity - even if it's crowded, if your teammates are failing you have to get in there. Kids who are content being role players will gravitate to defense. Being a defender sucks in youth soccer though, because unless you're very tall, coaches will not promote you to better teams. You can be your team's best player by a mile, and you won't get recognition unless it's for your size.

My guess is this kid is looking for his task. As someone else said, watching pro games can help learn what to do off the ball. Now his task isn't "get in the bunch" but can be positioning and making runs. No one may pass to those runs though yet at U8. More likely, a kid will just start positioning outside the bunch defensively if the team sucks, and positioning outside the bunch offensively if the team is good. At U8 though, realistically not every kid is ready to watch pro games and think about the off-ball tactics.

I'd simplify his tasks for the next game. Tell him for the first two minutes of the next game, his job is to do everything himself. No passing allowed. His job is to try to dribble through/past the entire other team, if he loses the ball he recovers it, and he doesn't stop until he has scored a goal. After two minutes is over, he owns a third of the field. He can pick which third before the game. When the play is in that third, he is responsible for it. Defensively, obviously. Offensively it's his job to advance it through the third and then pass. If his team is playing offense outside this third, his job is to talk to them about which way to dribble or who to pass to. His job is to manage/coach the other thirds. Defined jobs. After he's engaged and confident, the challenge will be introducing creativity and knowing when to abandon those jobs.

Just my two cents, but I've seen this work on the girls side for girls who aren't ultra confident or competitive, but otherwise are fearless and talented enough to do more.

[Anonymous]

Sounds like a kid who doesn’t watch soccer with his family at home and hasn’t watched soccer games in person.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It sounds like he's a defender.

I think the truth behind this is that some kids have an easier time figuring out what the task is defensively than offensively. Defense feels like something you have to do, forcing them into action. Offense feels like a choice - do I want to dribble, pass, have the ball more, watch teammates score? Offense takes more competitiveness, creativity, and confidence. At U8, the offense might feel overcrowded already to him. Defense takes more intelligence. Defense feels like a necessity - even if it's crowded, if your teammates are failing you have to get in there. Kids who are content being role players will gravitate to defense. Being a defender sucks in youth soccer though, because unless you're very tall, coaches will not promote you to better teams. You can be your team's best player by a mile, and you won't get recognition unless it's for your size.

My guess is this kid is looking for his task. As someone else said, watching pro games can help learn what to do off the ball. Now his task isn't "get in the bunch" but can be positioning and making runs. No one may pass to those runs though yet at U8. More likely, a kid will just start positioning outside the bunch defensively if the team sucks, and positioning outside the bunch offensively if the team is good. At U8 though, realistically not every kid is ready to watch pro games and think about the off-ball tactics.

I'd simplify his tasks for the next game. Tell him for the first two minutes of the next game, his job is to do everything himself. No passing allowed. His job is to try to dribble through/past the entire other team, if he loses the ball he recovers it, and he doesn't stop until he has scored a goal. After two minutes is over, he owns a third of the field. He can pick which third before the game. When the play is in that third, he is responsible for it. Defensively, obviously. Offensively it's his job to advance it through the third and then pass. If his team is playing offense outside this third, his job is to talk to them about which way to dribble or who to pass to. His job is to manage/coach the other thirds. Defined jobs. After he's engaged and confident, the challenge will be introducing creativity and knowing when to abandon those jobs.

Just my two cents, but I've seen this work on the girls side for girls who aren't ultra confident or competitive, but otherwise are fearless and talented enough to do more.

Thanks so much for this advice. You’re exactly on the mark that he stands “outside the bunch”. Obviously U8 rec soccer is just 8 boys bunched up around the ball, and he used to be aggressive and totally into that when he was 4 and 5 years old, but now he isn’t. He hangs back, and his current rec team sort of stinks so yes he usually hangs back and then when the other team emerges from the pack with the ball, he goes hard and wins the ball . But then the pack of 8-10 kids including his own teammates descends on him and if he doesn’t sprint past / around the mob before they surround him, he either clears the ball and gives up (there is no one to pass to) or he loses the ball in the pack and gives up. I sense it’s just a frustrating way to play soccer, he even says recently that he likes practices better than games which is mind boggling for a young kid to say. But you’re right that he doesn’t know what to do, I think. And he isn’t quite strong enough of a player to just railroad a pack of 8 kids and his footwork isn’t quite good enough to successfully maneuver around the entire pack on a tiny 4 v 4 or 5v5 field especially when his own teammates are trying to take the ball from him too.

Maybe playing 7v7 with goalies for the first time will actually be helpful for next year especially with the club team coach.

I don’t know if he’ll react well to me telling him to do everhbrjng he can to keep the ball for 2 minutes- he doesn’t like feeling like I’m forcing him to do something and he’ll push back. In all aspects of life not just sports. Like with trying new foods or wearing a certain outfit and other little kid drama stuff. Which is why I hesitate to offer him any feedback at all in sports because he is athletic and loves sports and I don’t want to ruin that for him. But maybe I can ask his coach to tell him that - he takes that sort of direction fine from anyone besides me and his dad.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like a kid who doesn’t watch soccer with his family at home and hasn’t watched soccer games in person.

Not on TV, no. And his older brother doesn’t play soccer. But maybe we can watch some high school games this fall that’s not a bad idea!