Love the work and comp but really struggling

[Anonymous]

Would love some thoughtful advice here. I have an on paper 'great' job. I love the actual work I am doing, and the team. The comp is great. The problem is that my boss is highly critical, deeply intense, shifts priorities weekly, is only comfortable in an atmosphere of mild panic. Added to that the job is highly corporate - a culture I can handle but struggle with and I think perhaps I am not as successful as I could be due to this misalignment. I am looking for new opps, and have an in demand skillset, but I'm really struggling with this decision. I so wanted this to be my forever role, and keep working harder and harder in order to try to feel better about my contributions; but am somehow never able to fully please the boss (I would say I fall in the midpoint between her favorites and the people who "aren't good" - perhaps slightly weighted towards favorites or not good depending on the week).

If i leave i would be leaving an amazing opportunity. How do I think about this?

[Anonymous]

Do you even have another job offer? It can take a year right now to find a new job.

[Anonymous]

You haven’t identified anything that you’re doing wrong.

If your boss is permanently annoyed, then don’t take it personally if they flip at you when you’re not doing anything wrong. I worked with a bipolar manager once and learned to brush off things she said when she would lash out. She’d even flip a switch on her office friends to the point where they’re telling her to chill out. Your boss’s boss is likely aware of how your boss is so stop thinking you’ll get fired for ending up on her bad side.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You haven’t identified anything that you’re doing wrong.

If your boss is permanently annoyed, then don’t take it personally if they flip at you when you’re not doing anything wrong. I worked with a bipolar manager once and learned to brush off things she said when she would lash out. She’d even flip a switch on her office friends to the point where they’re telling her to chill out. Your boss’s boss is likely aware of how your boss is so stop thinking you’ll get fired for ending up on her bad side.

Op - Boss’s boss does like boss. Has been told about boss’s issues several times by others but said ‘I want to see what boss can do’ (this was a year ago though - not sure if more has been raised since)

[Anonymous]

Stop craving boss approval. Do good work, stop trying to be a favorite. This is codependent behavior.

[Anonymous]

You're going to have to learn to manage this boss, or try to move laterally.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Stop craving boss approval. Do good work, stop trying to be a favorite. This is codependent behavior.

Op - less about trying to make boss thrilled and more about trying to make boss not yell at, fire. Boss re orgs constantly as way to control

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Stop craving boss approval. Do good work, stop trying to be a favorite. This is codependent behavior.

Op - less about trying to make boss thrilled and more about trying to make boss not yell at, fire. Boss re orgs constantly as way to control

It definitely sounds like this person is mentally unwell. If you know you can't stay long term with them, start looking for work now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Stop craving boss approval. Do good work, stop trying to be a favorite. This is codependent behavior.

Op - less about trying to make boss thrilled and more about trying to make boss not yell at, fire. Boss re orgs constantly as way to control

It definitely sounds like this person is mentally unwell. If you know you can't stay long term with them, start looking for work now.

Op - idk if mentally ill but I think has some deficiencies as a leader and metabolizes stress extremely poorly. I would not say bipolar or anything but definitely black and white thinker, bias to action, volatile not particularly self aware

[Anonymous]

OP, I was part of a large layoff about six months ago and am just now coming to the finish line on a few good opportunities. One of them has taken about four months to wind through application, screening and a number of interviews. Best way is to stay employed while you test the waters and interview. You might find that your current situation isn’t that bad of a deal, all things considered.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do you even have another job offer? It can take a year right now to find a new job.

This. Start applying now - ramp is much longer and more competitive to get a job.

[Anonymous]

I don't understand exactly what is happening. Is your boss saying, Get X done. Then, before you can complete X she says, I need Y done ASAP. ?? If that is the case, are you saying the level of work combined with the stress level makes getting X done in an appropriate amount of time unachievable for you at this point? Do you need more time and a better environment to scale up to this new level of work? But you were hoping this new stretch job would be your future?

If this is true, then I would try hard to ride through her ups and down and just focus on getting X done as quickly as possible. Don't undermine yourself with worry. And I get it's easier to say, Don't Worry, and actually not worrying.

To me it sounds as if you are allowing her to cause you to get in your own way. Success comes from tuning out the noise and excelling. This is a great environment to hone that skill.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't understand exactly what is happening. Is your boss saying, Get X done. Then, before you can complete X she says, I need Y done ASAP. ?? If that is the case, are you saying the level of work combined with the stress level makes getting X done in an appropriate amount of time unachievable for you at this point? Do you need more time and a better environment to scale up to this new level of work? But you were hoping this new stretch job would be your future?

If this is true, then I would try hard to ride through her ups and down and just focus on getting X done as quickly as possible. Don't undermine yourself with worry. And I get it's easier to say, Don't Worry, and actually not worrying.

To me it sounds as if you are allowing her to cause you to get in your own way. Success comes from tuning out the noise and excelling. This is a great environment to hone that skill.

I should add that there's never any excuse for a boss to act this way, but it happens more than it should. Success comes from being able to deal effectively with these types of people.