Too afraid to cross road alone

[Anonymous]

Today my 17 year old daughter had to return items to a media center affiliated with her school that’s directly across a 4-lane road from school. She was too nervous to cross by herself, so she asked a random 10th grader in the hallway, if he could help her with something and they crossed together.

I thought she already knew how to handle something like this, so it caught me off guard a bit. She generally doesn’t ask for help, and has no friends, so I’m glad she did though.

How do I help her build confidence and practical independence with skills?

[Anonymous]

There's a lot here to unpack. Your child is 17, has no friends, and is afraid to cross the street? Has she been evaluated for any issues, even just anxiety? Does she have anything else in her life that she can walk to and that might be motivated to walk to? Does she drive yet? My kids are younger but are willing to cross streets on their own, especially if there's somewhere they want to go with their friends on the other side. So I think you'd have some luck tapping into some intrinsic motivation, not just skill building.

[Anonymous]

Practice, practice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There's a lot here to unpack. Your child is 17, has no friends, and is afraid to cross the street? Has she been evaluated for any issues, even just anxiety? Does she have anything else in her life that she can walk to and that might be motivated to walk to? Does she drive yet? My kids are younger but are willing to cross streets on their own, especially if there's somewhere they want to go with their friends on the other side. So I think you'd have some luck tapping into some intrinsic motivation, not just skill building.

All of this.

[Anonymous]

Is there a crosswalk/light at this intersection? Is it a busy road?

[Anonymous]

I would have her evaluated for anxiety and autism, OP. This is not normal for a 17 year old. Having no friends is a very obvious red flag for autism, and autism almost always comes with some form of anxiety.

[Anonymous]

Get her treated for anxiety please! This happened to a child I know, and they should have helped him when he was still a minor. Flunked out of college and living in his parents' basement as a man-child.

[Anonymous]

Op. It’s a very long and very busy road. She doesn’t have any diagnosis.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op. It’s a very long and very busy road. She doesn’t have any diagnosis.

But has she been evaluated for anything? What you're describing is unusual behavior for a 17 year old, plus the no friends thing. Does she drive yet and how is that going?

[Anonymous]

This is NOT typical. Are you a bulldozer parents?

[Anonymous]

It's totally normal to feel scared in certain situations. Try to cross that road with her on the weekend? Practice makes perfect.

[Anonymous]

I think it's kind of sweet that she had the confidence to ask and the other student agreed...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op. It’s a very long and very busy road. She doesn’t have any diagnosis.

... because she wasn't evaluated?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op. It’s a very long and very busy road. She doesn’t have any diagnosis.

But has she been evaluated for anything? What you're describing is unusual behavior for a 17 year old, plus the no friends thing. Does she drive yet and how is that going?

OP. No, I didn’t think it was necessary. She’s not ready to drive yet.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op. It’s a very long and very busy road. She doesn’t have any diagnosis.

But has she been evaluated for anything? What you're describing is unusual behavior for a 17 year old, plus the no friends thing. Does she drive yet and how is that going?

OP. No, I didn’t think it was necessary. She’s not ready to drive yet.

Is it possible that you have supported her in not doing "scary" things because it has been easier/less stress for you? My mother did this to me, in part, I think because my other sibling was an absolute dare devil. Maybe I didn't do scary things because I saw the consequences of that. Who knows, but as an adult I have never developed the skill to do things that are scary. I am not a risk taker.