Group chats of 30+ kids
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Anonymous
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My 5th grade DD11 just told me that there is a group chat of a bunch of kids in her grade, I’m guessing 30 or so. At first, I thought she was telling me because she was feeling FOMO, but it turns out that she does not want to be a part of it because it gets too wild for her. One time, one of the kids group FaceTime’d all of the kids on the chat and went on an expletive-laced tirade. Another time, a boy sent a photo of another boy classmate’s butt to the whole group. She said one of her friends woke up in the middle of the night to find 300 new messages on the chat. One of her good friends gets a lot of attention from the boys and apparently gets a lot of individual (not group) texts from those boys.
I am SO GLAD that DD does not want to be a part of this, but I am shocked that parents are letting their kids. My nephew used to be part of an unmonitored group chat at the same age, and it was rife with bullying. Some kids have their own phones and I guess I shouldn’t be surprised that their parents aren’t monitoring their use, but some are using their parents’ iPads, so wouldn’t the parents eventually catch wind of what the chats are like? And even if the content of the group chat wasn’t objectionable, are they okay with their kid getting hundreds of messages at a time? This just makes me worried what it’s going to be like for DD in middle then high school when hormones are raging. For those of you with older kids in MS/HS, what do you do to help protect your daughter from this sort of thing, not to mention social media? Right now DD is okay having just an Apple Watch with restricted contacts, but I’m sure eventually she will want a phone. |
Anonymous
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I'm sorry, this is going on in FIFTH grade?
This is awful OP and you're right to be concerned. These kids are way too young to be dealing with this level of text intensity, not to mention the bullying and everything else going on. All you can do, unfortunately, is worry about your own child. No phones before 8th grade. Set the rule and stick to it. That's the first step. |
Anonymous
| Fifth graders should not have cell phones-v |
Anonymous
Agree- mine got theirs in 8th grade and they were plugged in downstairs by 9 pm. This is out of control. |
Anonymous
| They’re texting from watches and iPads on online programs too. It’s not just phones. |
Anonymous
| Your fifth grader has a phone?! |
Anonymous
| Phones are typically not bought until middle school. The phones should be monitored by parents until trust is built up over a couple of years. Then through conversations and governance, the high school years should be good. |
Anonymous
This is super common in 5th. It’s when kids start texting in group chats. They have low impulse control, so it can get wild. |
Anonymous
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My daughter was in this situation in 6th grade. She was added to a group chat that made her uncomfortable, she left it. She was added back in. She left it again. Friends asked why she kept leaving, she said "I don't like the things people are saying, it makes me uncomfortable. Please don't add me back in" and then several of her friends followed her lead and also left the group chat.
Your daughter sounds awesome and just keep reminding her that she's doing the right thing by leaving a situation that makes her uncomfortable and you're really proud of her. Hopefully she'll keep doing that, and especially as she gets older and the stakes get higher. |
Anonymous
I recommend reading (with your child) The Amazing Generation which was co-written by the guy who wrote The Anxious Generation. It is written for kids about the impact that having a phone/social media/etc can have on their brains and their friendships. |
Anonymous
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My kid started texting a bit in 5th but didn’t have a phone and I did sometimes read the group texts. My kids got phones in 6th grade but they have downtime restrictions from 9pm to 7am so they cannot stay up texting or FaceTiming late into the night. They may be able to see the notification number of new texts, I’m not sure. My kids sometimes ask for changes to their downtime which so far have been reasonable (ending at 6:30am instead of 7 during school time; younger kid likes to FaceTime with a friend in the morning, changing downtime Starr when older kid, now 16, is out later in the evening, etc). I also let them have access to podcasts at night because I like to fall asleep to “stories” and they’ve been responsible about it. I do still sometimes check the 8th grader’s texts and haven’t seen anything very concerning.
OP, it’s great your kid is telling you this stuff and gives you so many opportunities to talk to your kid about responsible and irresponsible phone use before she gets her own. |
Anonymous
Unfortunately the bolded is not accurate. A lot of parents are buying their kids phones as early as 3rd or 4th grade and are not monitoring them enough. |
Anonymous
OP said her child has an Apple Watch. |
Anonymous
| my dd now A SENIOR had a 5th grade group and it did not end well, it got leaked they all got a talking too by the school. |
Anonymous
mine did and that was 7 years ago |